Choosing Destiny: The Chosen
Please remember to take my criticisms with a pinch of salt.
Read the story now
I feel like too much is happening at the beginning of the story. I can enjoyably read books with chapters that have as many as 10k words but for some reason, your chapters just never seemed to end even though I doubt they have 10k words. The blurb contains way too many details about the story. It's supposed to have a suspenseful air to encourage people to actually read the story but it seemed to give everything away.
From the very first chapter, we encounter Destiny, a girl who seems to love fun and is now facing an inevitable death as she's chased through the woods. Her interaction with her attacker was very bizarre to me. Because I don't think normal human beings instantly think of vampires when they're attacked by someone with 'super human' abilities. The dialogue between them felt unnatural and forced.
In the second chapter, Destiny wakes up and relives the past, how she lost her parents, her abusive ex-boyfriend. Nothing suggested that all those events took place in the past. And the part about her ever encountering Justin again suggested that several years had passed and she was now in a higher level of education with him nowhere near. It was a rude shock to see that same ex-boyfriend appear in the chapter then.
I also found it very strange that she decided to kill so many people after waving up. Vampires are usually described as brilliant creatures, so why did Destiny act so irrationally? And if her current boyfriend really was part of Justin's group of friends that she met on the road, shouldn't he have attempted direct communication with Destiny?
I only read two chapters but there were a lot of inconsistencies in the story. I'm sorry but it just doesn't feel right.