A.B.Yakub

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In another world

Chapter one is where I got a little stuck. Why stuck? I'll tell you.
I love your humor, your sentence structure and how that humor finely blends in. The thing is, number one, your plot and outline just seems too cliche to me. Maybe a little more twist and turn in the tale should take it further.
Secondly, your plot and characters revolve around hierarchies and monarchies. i.e. governments and governments mean politics. Rather than focus on the humor between simple characters, a good pinch of political humor will really spice things up.
Thirdly, back to chapter one. Even though it didn't cut for me, I kept reading forward because I don't typically judge a book by its cover but the thing is most people do and my opinion on that is you have too much information going on around there, Rather than flood the word-pond with a description of the kingdom and the other world, spend more on building an intro-plot that will keep the reader immersed within the first chapter.
All in all, i just love the way you have blended humor with the type of setting that is usually regarded as dark and arduous, and your writing style just brings it out in a way that I can almost picture the comedy unfolding which in itself is amazing because many readers are unable "get-it", so to speak, and you've basically overcome that obstacle which really makes your work unique.
Wish you all the best!

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Overall Rating
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Amazing!

Aside from a few gramatical errors here and there, I found your writing to be very polished and I commend you on taking the time out to do so. I love the direction that the plot takes me and that something you rarely see in thrillers and dramas where (in my opinion) the audience is the one hoping for the story to go in a certain direction and when that doesnt happen, they feel disappointed. But in the Hurting Game, your style has outlined the story in such a way that IT guides the reader instead. Well done. (Again, my personal opinion).
The only thing I found lacking were your fight scenes. The came about as excessively detailled to me where I was hardly interested in the brawling but more inclined to seeing the story move forward and detailed scenes ended up delaying that anticipation.
All in all, an amazing and thrilling read for me. Again, Well done, Alex!
Yakub.

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