H. J. Huser

College Student. Slytherin. Instinct. Future Social Studies Teacher

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Very Good

When you requested I take a look at your novel in exchange for looking at mine, I had only expected to read the first chapter. because Sci-Fi is not my favorite genre. I did, however, enjoy this. I really enjoyed it. You do have a few spelling and grammar mistakes somewhere within the story. I can't remember off the top of my head where they are located.

I was surprised to find out that Gabriel was the Archangel. Before it was said, I had assumed he was Michael's younger brother. Gabriel's character is designed very well. Especially, since he goes through a little lesson on humanity. I couldn't stop reading.

While I enjoyed the story overall, I did not particularly like the ending and I hope you write a sequel or something to tie up lose ends. I thought the ending was a little rushed. I would love to see how Chance, Fairy, and Charlie have changed due to Gabriel's betrayal. I think that would be an interesting take on the story.

Anyway, I REALLY enjoyed this, despite my dislike for the Sci-Fi genre. I look forward to reading more (if you write more.) I do hope you enjoy reading my novel as much as I enjoyed reading yours!

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That Cliffhanger though!

I was really interested in this story when I saw it and I enjoyed reading it. You have potential as a writer. However, there were a few things I noticed. There were a lot of run on sentences and the phase "perfectly knew" seems out of place. I would advise going back and doing an edit or two before you begin the next portion (WHICH I WILL GLADLY BE READING).

I also felt like the chapters were a little strange. I'm not saying they were bad because this story was really good. But I would suggest combining chapters that are just continuations of other chapters. For example, if you have two chapters that happen in the same day, make them one chapter. That particular chapter might be long, but it's good to have varying chapter lengths. I have chapters in the novel I wrote that are only a few paragraphs and some that seem to go on and on.

I would also suggest that you make Harriet more of a villain because to me she seemed like the antagonist.

I really enjoyed this story. I love stories that have me screaming at the book or screen because the characters do something that irritates me (which Alex and Aria did a lot). But that's good! You want your characters to be so loved that when they do something dumb your readers want to murder them themselves.

One last suggestion that I have is to show a little more of the Anderson family. We really don't get to see much of their bond as a family. I felt like the relationship between Oliver and Alex was a little forced.

Overall, this was a really enjoyable story. I would just go back over it and do another edit or two and fix some grammar mistakes and fill in a couple of plot holes, The story has the potential to be even better than it already is! Good luck with your writing and I look forward to reading the next installment of Alex and Aria's wacky adventures!

Happy Writing!

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Magnificent

Okay, I love your writing! You've never ceased to amaze me with your fairy tale rewrites on fanfiction.net. "Sharpest Tooth" has been one of my favorite stories since I found it years ago. The way you create your characters to be less than perfect criminals, creatures, and people (The Roan Family, the characters in your Beauty and the Beast, and now Matilda). I really do hope you continue this story regularly. You are too great of a writer to let it go to waste. I also love how you twist your romance stories to give them a horror feel.

I find Matilda to be a fascinating character because she isn't perfect. She's greedy. That's a trait most authors don't give their characters. You do such a great job of making unlikable characters likable.

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Good Start, but....

You have a FANTASTIC idea here! The story is off to a great start. I just have some suggestions.

1. The chapters were too short. I read the whole thing in maybe ten minutes. It seemed like it all belonged in one chapter, not four. I would suggest you put the four chapters together. When you write a chapter, you should focus on certain events, then when something new happens (change of scenery, etc.) you should change chapters. For example, I would put all four together and use Day 1 Stranded as your first chapter. You could even make it longer if you wanted to include Week 1. Because a new day/week brings different events.

2. Too much dialogue. Now, when I say this, I don't mean scrap your dialogue. What I mean is that I felt like I was reading a script. There wasn't much description or story telling between the characters talking.

3. Make it a little more realistic. The characters did not seem realistic in their situations. Most people in the real world would freak out if they were on a capsized ship. And Kate would be struggling with watching her best friend die. If Kate and Becky had been friends for years, then Kate should be a mess with possible PTSD. I would suggests making the characters all have some kind of stress, from this experience. You could use Mona as the "mother figure" meant to keep everyone sane and together and protected.

4. I would scrap the beginning where Kate is the only one left alive. Basically, you've just told us that everyone but Kate has died. I wouldn't tell us that. I would let your readers all get emotionally attached to the characters before you kill them. When you kill off a character, it should always be significant. It should affect the other characters as much if not more than it affects the reader. I would suggest starting the story with what happens during the day the bomb strikes then go into the bomb, the sinking, and everyone finding each other.


Overall, you have a great idea and I don't want you to think I hated it because of my suggestions. I didn't and I will definitely continue to read it. My suggestions are just that, suggestions. You can choose to use them or you can do you. Every author is different. I look forward to reading more of "Seven Adrift!"

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Fantabulous

This book was AMAZING in so many ways. The writing, the characters, and the storyline were wonderful. I felt myself falling for Caelum and Oriens alongside Eliana. I love stories like this. I loved the Eragon feel it had. Your writing really helped me connect with your characters. Especially Eliana and Oriens. I will be reading Book Two as soon as possible.

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