Amber Cotton

"So come with me where dreams are born and time is never planned. Just think of happy things and your heart will fly on wings forever in never never land." I Follow Back! (^-^)

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Great!!

From what I've read so far the story is pretty good! There were a few times I was a bit confused with the plot and was taken out of the "narrative dream" but the confusion didn't last too long. I think if you studied active voice your sentences would be even stronger.
I really liked your description of detail and the main character's voice is very clear and understood!
Another thing that could improve the story is having more showing of the actions and characters rather than having the main character tell the reader about everyone. This just allows readers to come to their own conclusions of the character's we meet from their actions, voice, and dialogue.

Great story though :D

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Chapter 1 review

You have an amazing way of gripping the reader. I definitely become more and more curious about the details surrounding Alice and Seth's relationship, such as how it got to where it is in chapter one.

My heart rate accelerated as Seth became more physical. The diction used during the fight scenes is chilling. It gave me a clear picture of the relationship between the two and made me cringe from the pain Alice must have felt.

I can't wait to learn more about Alice's personality and see how Seth's words and actions affect her relationship with Jake.

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