BRG

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great job!

I'm not much for short stories but the concept of this one really interested me and it didn't let me down. If I have to say something negative about it is that I would have liked if we got a little bit more of insight into Charlie and Ralph and their relationship, maybe making it slightly longer to explore some memories they had together or something like that, so the storie had more emocinal impact but aside from that I enjoyed it.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Not bad.

First of all, I like that there is no cliché "normal girl just so happen to attract the attention of a handsome rich guy". Instead the protagonists are both bussiness people so it makes sense they meet. Second, I noticed there are various spelling mistakes and sadly I can't say it's just some punctuation stuff. Luckily that's something that you'll get better at if you keep writing.
The strong point is no doubt the characters and their relationships which is great for a romance. You're good using first person POV to give them voice. I'm going to left some tips so you can make them even stronger:

-Don't indicate which character the POV is when you change it. You should try to left the narration indicate the reader what character is speaking. So far I had no problems differenciating characters so I think you just need to use Inkitt's tool to separate each POV.

-Instead of telling us how the characters feel, describe what they feel. For example instead of having Shaurya say "Right now, I was very confused" have him say "Right now, I couldn't help but ask myself a thousand questions". You're explaining us the same but you're showing us instead of telling us, a fundamental rule of storytelling.

Good luck and keep writing!

Read the story now

No reading lists yet

No badges received yet

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.