BlueSummerRide

Hawaii

I may not have a degree in writing, but I love telling stories. I studied writing by online classes, read books, and listened to videos. I'm having fun creating and sharing my stories.

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Sleeping Beauty

First of all, I'm not here to hurt your feelings. Take my critique as my advice as to what I read in 'how to' books and online classes. If you want a pro critiquing your story, try an online class that has teachers reviewing your writing. Some can be harsh but you learn.
Anyway, overall I like where you're leading the reader into this story. But here's my advice and opinion. I don't like reading prologue because they tend to spoil the suspense that a writer supposedly should write it out in the story. Do over the prologue as an action scene where Sarah is running after Michael that has a packed suitcase in hand. Describe Sarah's emotions as she watches her husband drive out of her and her baby's life.
The dialogue with her father could be the next scene in chapter 1. Dialogues are all-around good descriptions of a character. It expresses their personalities. Plus, dialogue gives the story more action where you don't have to describe movements or emotions. It should be felt in the dialogue.
e.g. The prologue is Sarah's chapter. Chapter 2 is Michael's because you're writing what Michael is seeing and feeling. If you want to write Leila's thoughts, write her within the story, and later in the story, she can have her own chapter if needed. Or, if your writing style is like Gillian Flynn, see how she does it in her book, Dark Places.
I had a couple of my minor characters owning a chapter, but it was after they were well established in the story. Also, for flashbacks, don't instruct the reader it's a flashback. Intertwine flashbacks in the story.
I like the ending. Your cliffhanger is gonna have me returning for chapter 3.
Punctuation and Grammar - tsk, everyone has mistakes in this category.
Learn from critiques and keep writing on.

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Black Wolf

Hi, I'm the one that noted I haven't read a fantasy book in a long time, and that, I'm into romance novels. Your story grabbed my interest. Write on so I can read on.

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Lawfully Wrong

You how they say the first to the fifth chapter you have to grab your audience's attention. Well, you did it in the first chapter. Keep writing. Wanna know what happens.

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Zoi

I'm not sure how to rate your poems because I'm not experienced in writing them. They have certain rules on writing them, or else there wouldn't have classes on them. BUT, I can feel the emotions in your writing and I'm pretty sure that is what poetry is about. Have you ever submitted your poems to publishers? Go for it!

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Five Words

May I suggest to cut the chapter in half. Start the new chapter after Adrian called Cher on the phone because she's late coming home from the library. Have Adrian sound upset then hangs up on her. And the end of the chapter, don't disclose what Ace was framed for. Cliffhanger, Start a new chapter.
I agree with one of the reviewers, slow down. Describe the surrounding. Also, there was too much of the French language. I don't know how to read French. It slowed the pace and I was skeptical to read on if that was written throughout the story. I'm not saying not to use another language, just don't use it as often.
Otherwise, you've written a good story. Write on!

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Dear Ex

Hi. Can I share some constructed criticism? Well, here goes. The love letters are too long. I think you can cut it in half. If you're thinking that chapters have to stretch, it doesn't. I have a chapter with two characters on the phone and I think the word count was about 250. It seems senseless but it was necessary for the future scenes. Another critique, when you're writing about the past, keep your tenses in the past. Lastly, rewrite the third chapter and start showing some actions. Readers want action. You can get all this information either online or in how-to books. Google Write Great Fiction. There are several books on what I mention. Also, if you want to take online classes, Writer's Digest is one, but pricey because the teacher will review your work and tell you what you need to improve. Skillshare has classes on writing too. Write on, that's one way to learn and read what you like to write. Let me know when the next chapter comes out.

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Love Complications

Hi. Can I suggest some constructive criticism? Can you clarify Sam's workplace? She works in a cabin? Later, she walks out of the cabin and waves down a taxi? My mind's eye is confused. Slow down and set the scene. Introduce your protagonist. Also, at the beginning of a conversation, tell us who's speaking.
I know what bday means because I write on the cards for the people close to me, but other readers might not know. Write it out then slide the acronym in the same sentence or somewhere close to the written word.
Dialogues make the story go by faster, no lagging. I write a lot of dialogues, but you need to let us know who's speaking. Google How to use dialogue tags. Novel Writing Help should pop up. I just looked into it and it stated to be very careful as to how o use it. I know I overdo it and I should go back and re-edit. Also, there's a book written by Gloria Kempton - Dialogue, good book. She is a teacher on the Writer's Digest website. The classes are pricey because they critique your writing. To me, it was worth it.
Hope this helps.
Hey, wanna critique my writing? It's Help Me Find Me.
Happy writing!

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Complicated Love

Hi. What I'm about to tell you is constructive criticism, so, here goes. First, what do you mean 'Your POV?' I'm taking it as Your Point of View. What is the protagonist's name? If you're using foreign words then tell us what it means, for example, this is part of a sentence in my story, '--my father's motto, proteggere la nostra famiglia, protect our family.' Bold words mean you're yelling, try to stay away from that. Is your punctuation a different style from the English punctuation? If not, I'd suggest purchasing a book on grammar or look online. I'm not an editor nor a pro on writing. I have books galore on writing, took online classes, listened to famous authors on youtube and read and studied romance novels. I'm still learning too. You can also look into purchasing Grammarly, Auto Crit, or Pro Writing Aid. They check your grammar, punctuation, repetitive words, cliches, etc. They are pricey but it is another tool to help your writing. Grammarly is correcting this comment. So, go for it. Study the 'how to' books, read, keep writing, and your story will blossom. I'll follow you and see what's gonna happen next in your story. If you wanna critique me, it's Help Me Find Me.

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Our Barbie Dream House

Wow, how the personalities flipped between them. I need more chapters to read.

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The Fighter

You made me cry! That was awesome. Five stars all the way.

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Will It Work Out

Interesting where this story is going. Keep it up. I do have some suggestions, such as Matt and Max, the names are too close as in spelling. You could confuse the reader who's talking. Also, the part when Hannah picked up Alexia and opened the door. Was that part needed? It slowed the pacing of the story. Slow down when describing and you don't need to completely describe how they look like. You can break it up in the story but not late in the story. Just my opinion and what I read and the online classes. Your first story is way better than my first story.

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Help Me

There's a lot of telling instead of showing. Look for all words that tells feeling and write out how they feel at that moment. Bring me into your story, give me names. Dialogue would help with the show don't tell. I wrote like this at the beginning. I was critiqued that I'm to slow down. Instead of jumping into scenes after scenes, walk me into the scenes. I'm not a pro but what I learned I'll pass it on. I sometimes rush through the scenes too. I edit as many times I need to like ten times at the particular scene until I'm satisfied. If you rewrite it, I'd like to read it again.

If it's okay with you critique my story, Help Me Find Me.

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