CEYONE

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Grammar Punctuation

Good Story

I liked the fantasy and adventure aspect of the story. It is really fast paced and takes you through various twists and turns. Truly an adventure. I love the dynamics between the trio. Looking forward for the updates.

PS: if you have time, please do checkout my story-Moon Curse.

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Good writing

I loved your writing. The story was easy to take in and the prose was perfectly structured. However I do have concern for the omniscient POV. Not that it was bad, rather it was very well-written. But for many readers it could be a tricky read as the plot continues. So far, I did have some instances along the story where I had to read twice to comprehend the who was talking. Like the last para in the first chapter-here, he is referred to two characters. In my opinion, if you just managed to steer clear of head hopping, you are good to go. All the best.

PS:If you have time, please review, comment or like my story- Moon curse.

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Great writing!!

This story is amazing. And I love theme and the writing style. The prose is well written too.
Odette jerked back... this para was a bit confusing. I think it was the mention of motive for Lilith
to use her power wasn't clear enough. I did not quite get why her emotions flared though. But the magik system seems to have its own creative origins. I get a sense that it a huge world with complex characters and themes, and your depictions have made it easy to understand it right away. The dialogues were perfect and gave good impression of the characters.

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In the mind

Hi, good story, but would need some tweaking. The issues I found were:
*in the sentence structure
*word echos
*some punctuation mistakes here and there (mostly commas needed to break the sentence)
*passive voice.

Good things
*Setting and theme
*Prose (after you have worked on structuring it well of course, I see a potential)
*concept (from the summary)
Your summary was spot on, but the ease of flow is what is lacking in the chapter. I think it can be
corrected with some revision and you are good to go. All the best.

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