D3PRESSIθN_

ɪ ʟɪᴋᴇ acceptance

Hey I'm gay

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Please excuse the spelling errors

Okay, so let's start with the grading. First of all, how it makes me feel... This story has obvious time and effort put into it so please do not think of this as me calling you out or dissing you or whatever, but this gets a surprising 3 stars for making me feel any emotion, but before we get into why that is, I should give you the other grades. How much it makes sense gets about a 2 and a half. This ties in with the previous rating (Please note that it is out of five, not ten) and how much it makes me want to read more gets a solid 5, and I can talk about that later. Anyways, the reason why I give this a three in how it makes me feel, would be better to explain by first talking about why it got a two and a half for how much it makes sense (I know, I am all over the place.) I rated it like this because Although you had the right idea and plot, I feel like I am reading it as if my past self wrote it, and don't get me wrong, it isn't as bad as I was, but it isn't the best either... So in order to help you I thought of giving you some tips as if I was talking to my younger self, 1) Don't use parenthesis in the story to for descriptions or details. Although I still use parenthesis in some special cases, the only other reasons I would use them were for setting reminders for myself and giving a little bit of an explaination as to what I am trying to describe or if I need to clarify something. Ex- She never had to tell me much because her expression said it all (Just to clarify, this is a flashback so it isn't happening right now). Or something like that, but I couldn't help but notice the amount of parenthesis that you use and thought that you shouldn't use as much as you do. 2) write things that make sense, where did the fuc*ing blade come from, huh? You don't know? WELL THEN FUC*ING FIND OUT! (Sorry, this is just what I would tell myself) I would tell myself to foreshadow and let the audience know if there is other people there and what the background and foreground looks like, because not everyone has the same vision of the scene as you do, so writer need to be extreamly detailed when it comes to most things, I would also tell myself that it is okay to write longer stories because the shorter you make a story, the more it gets confusing (And I'm not talking about chapters, I'm talking about word count) but the exact words I would tell myself would most likely be "TAKE YOUR FUC*ING TIME AND CREATE SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE TO READ, EVEN IF IT IS A SHORT STORY, IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE HALF-AS*ED" (Please note that this is just what I would tell myself) and 3) have fun with every single one of your stories. It isn't a competition to see who is the best at writing or to gain the most followers, it is a fun way to express your creativity and you don't actually need anyone elses opinion. But if you want it, be open to constructive criticism because there will always be someone to give it to you, but with that you also must understand that in the end there will be a few people you can't please but that is okay. (Sorry, this last part is because I always sound so cocky or entitled and I find it hard to believe anyone enjoys me criticism )

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Love it.

In love with this already :) I hope you can continue writing. :)

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I love it

This is the absolute best thing that I have read on this app. I love your writing soooo much :)

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