Gayle O'Leary

Brutality required

I'll keep reading this to give it an honest chance and I'll revise this if I change my mind, but here's my thoughts so far.

It needs to be proofed, and be careful not to overuse words such as "creep". Everything seems to be too heavily narrated which encourages readers to stop paying attention and coming to conclusions themselves. That's less satisfying and indicates a lack of trust in the reader to connect the dots. I think describing what's happening without giving things away would make for a more interesting and engaging read.

Smooth like a perfectly poured whisky on the rocks

What an excellent start, I can't wait to read more. I get the sense that English isn't the author's first language ad there's a few grammatical errors but that can be fixed easily, it doesn't ruin the story. You immediately feel like you're on the same page as the main character, and while she's narrating the story you don't feel as if she's giving away too much. It makes for a nicely paced and intriguing story.

Immersive

I am enjoying this story and the rich, gritty environment painted in the protagonist's memories. An entire history is summed up nicely in the space of a plane trip and the scenes are beautiful. The writing style is a bit frustrating for me, it reflects the protagonist's slightly shaky grasp of English versus her native Serbian but perhaps it would be better if this came out in her dialogue with other characters and was more subdued when she is reminiscing to herself. That's my only small criticism though, and I'm keen to read more.