Gin_Kira

An artist who is trying to tell the tales in her head.

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Awesome

I really liked the way you introduced the story and quickly set the fundamentals of the world without giving it all away. You also created characters who are intriguing and three-dimensional.

There were a few flow/grammar problems, but I could see this going far with a professional editor. I can totally see this on a shelf somewhere.

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Great

I really liked this. It was short, sweet, and poetic.

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Good

This is a good story. I like the way you added and discuss things like image problems. I also liked how you introduced the story, with giving the reader more questions than answers.

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Brimstone

I really liked how smooth your writing is. It is easy to get lost in, and the premise helps with this as well. Overall I think it is a really good story.

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Hooked from the Start

I truly love the way you write, and how easily it flows. There were a few grammar errors, but they were small and easy to fix.

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Great Start

This story has a lot of promise and I hope you will continue it. I was hooked from the start and continued that way throughout. I'm excited to see where this goes.

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Sweet

I really like your writing style and your premise. There are a few spelling and grammar errors , but those are easy fixes with a good editor/beta.

Overall, I think it is a good story, and it could go far.

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Ronin

As someone who love the Japanese culture, I love the way to smoothly wove its aspects into your tale. The characters are three-denominational and fascinating.

Overall, I think this is well written and fantastic.

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Great Start

I really liked the premise of your story a lot. The elements of magic and fantasy really make it for me, and I think your story has a massive amount of potential.

Now, I can tell our writing styles are vastly different, but putting that aside, this is my critique. There were several times I was put off by descriptive clauses and adverbs that stuck out of the flow of your writing. For instance, when you used the word "chrysoberyl" for yellow.

Like Mark Twain said: "When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don’t mean utterly, but kill most of them – then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart.” (citation will be the link at the bottom). This quote is something I use when writing to make the thesaurus a friend not foe. My suggestion, and that's all that is, would be to give your writing over to a trusted friend or maybe a family member to check for flow. Having another pair of eyes has always helped me with writing my book.

Again, I really liked the story and your style. I just think you might want to look back at some of your word choices.

Citation: https://azevedosreviews.wordpress.com/2013/09/08/mark-twains-20-quotes-on-writing/

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Intriguing

I really like the style and pacing of the story so far. The use of a riddle and outside the box thinking rally hooks the reader into the tale. I also like the varying paragraph and sentence length. Those really help with the flow, and suddenly, I was finishing a chapter and was onto the next.

The only thing I can correct is there are some minor grammatical errors throughout the story, but they are really small.

Other than that, I think this is intriguing and thrilling. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who wants a story to get engrossed in.

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A Really Great Mystery

I really like this story. The writing sucks you in and before you know it you are clicking next. There were a few places where the dialogue was a bit choppy, but overall it is a great mystery story.

I would definitely recommend this.

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Great Premise

I love the story's premise. Space paratroopers! I also really like how you started the story off in the prologue. This is a neat idea and promising story.

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A great start

I love how you tackle racism and other problems in humanity. I also love how you keep your characters realistic and grounded in possibility. The only this I can see is that there are a few places where your flow is off or your grammar is not perfect, but this is easily fixed in the future. I think this has great potential.

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Fantastic

I love the story so far. Each character is multifaceted and great. The story twists and turns so the reader is always hooked.

The only thing is that there are a few minuscule errors sporadically found in the story, but this is trivial.

Overall it is a fantastic read and I am hooked!

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Really Fun

This is a really fast paced sci-fi, and it’s great. I love the switching of narrators. I think this is a neat take on a sci-fi.

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Fantastic!

I have always loved stories involving magic, and this story is now on the top of my reading list. I absolutely love the main character too. Over all this is a fantastic story and I would recommend this many of my friends. If the author is thinking of making a physical version I would definitely want it on my shelf.

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Neat Read

This is a good read for those wanting a good one shot thriller.

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Truly new

This is a fantastic read. I love how the author creates a world of mystery while keeping the modern styled setting. The use of social media to help in this is truly well done. I also find the speech patterns between the characters refreshing and real. I think this is overall a great read. I can't wait to see where this goes.

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Truly Fantastic

This was an intriguing take on the gods and goddesses of ancient Greece, and I just couldn't get enough. I know that I will be continuing to read this story.

I would defiantly recommend this to anyone who likes a good and fun take on the gods and goddesses of ancient Greece.

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Fantastic

This story is fantastic. The way you write draws the reader in and leaves them wanting more. They way you sculpt each experience makes the reader feel it all. And, the way you punctuate each chapter with a poetic remembrance has the reader suddenly reading the next chapter without realizing it.

Over all this story is fantastic and I would personally recommend this to anyone who needs a good down to earth telling of a poetic and emotion invoking romance,

I cannot wait to see where this goes.

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Intriguing

This is an intriguing book. I love how the author shapes the world through well constructed imagery. I would recommend this book to anyone who loves fantasy books that takes the reader to another world.

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Chilling

This is really well written! Truly spooky! I would recommend this to anyone who likes spooky well constructed shorts.

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Hooked

This is quite a unique spin on a chosen one type of story. Truly original, and it hooks the reader in. The only thing is a few editing errors. Other than that it is fantastic.

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The Dealer of the Nerds

I really like the story overall. It really hooks the reader in, and have them wanting more. The characters are relatable and fun. The way you write reminds me of young teen books I used to binge and is perfect for your intended audience. The only thing is that you could use a little more dramatization in your sentence structure paragraph brakes. Other than that, this is an amazing story, and I can't wait to see where it goes.

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A good story

I really love this story. It really captures the reader and makes them want more. I can't wait to see where this goes.

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