HEENAKHAN

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interesting plot

Interesting space action and plot, albeit occasional formatting errors, chunks of passages that get difficult to read. Otherwise, the grammar seems sound. There is too much of 'telling' and not 'showing' the unravelling action. The plot moves at a good pace. I am sure an ardent sci-fi fan would be a better reviewer for this book. Worth a read!

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good job

The beauty of this work lies in details, and a language which is straight, to-the-point and simple. It’s a job well done, except at times I would want to insert implicit description rather than explicit statements. I am one of poetic prose, but not everyone need be. Every writer has a different sensibility. Sometimes, the dialogues get too obvious, and then there are excess words for want to edit. But it is a plot that echoes with the readers, it zips fast, one sentence after the other. The different locales are well described, scenes come out well etched.

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ellsmire

I could only read through the first few chapters. The book opens wonderfully. It had me intrigued. I liked the details in the book. However, I felt there is need to infuse pace in these chapters. It is tough to create a whole new universe, something true of most fantasy books and I would like to congratulate on that. However, I would point some simple rules of writing here. First, to use '-ly' as scarcely as possible, and only when one absolutely needs it. And to let some things be interpreted by the reader, i.e. an implicit description via a vis an explicit description. Otherwise, I had quite fun reading your book. It would be a good idea to edit it once more, prune it pace and glibness.

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Clean writing

I like the book. There is an easy flow to it. and the plot and the many sub-plots move fast. At times I thought the language could be less explicit. I believe in saying simple things, but saying it slant. The plot is a hook for young adults. Promising, I would say.

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Exciting plot

An exciting plot and smoothly written passages, the book is held together by dialogues that are racy and full of life. There is a certain speed to the prose, which makes the reading effortless. A certain depth of description sits well with the plot, however, sometimes, digressions get in the way of storytelling.

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nice writing

The first chapter sets off on a vivid and lyrical note. The gestures are well described, but dialogues could do with some more life. There is a certain innocence to your writing which is endearing. Sometimes the narration gets too obvious. But it is polished piece of work. A job well done.

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Can do with some tightening, Decent work

I like the opening line of your book, except the first chapter goes on for too long inside the mind of the protagonist. I literally skimmed over it. Consider breaking it with dialogues? The description goes on for too long. The vocabulary used is vivid, but language can do with some tightening, at times I can smell a cliché. there are places where I like the flow of words. Istanbul is well described, but sometimes the description is way too much, even while describing the protagonist’s state of mind… try using stream of consciousness rather than plain vanilla description which gets too obvious at places. Make every word count, if the word is adding no value, chop it off… often it takes many rounds of editing to see one’s text differently. Sometimes, it also takes many pairs of eyes to spot excess words. I am not sure of the word count of your book, but consider tightening it if it is exceeding 80,000 words otherwise it gets difficult to hold reader’s interest. This is completely my point of view, and am sure different people would think differently.

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interphase

This is a bit short for me to really make a judgement, but what really stood out is that there seems to be an intriguing plot, there is a bit of cleaning required. Grammar needs attention, as also sentence-building. I could read only what you have pasted. Look forward to reading the whole of it. Feel free to critique my work. :) What I liked is how you have used poetic prose in the beginning. Personally, I am a fan of prose that is poetic.

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