I loved the idea, it's original and well executed in your writing. I don't read this type of genre, but this has hooked me well.
Read the story now
The problem was the lack of description. You have to get the read to imagine the setting, the character, the actions they make, etc. Yes, you've mentioned where the main character resides and all-- about what was it like? And how does Ethan look like? In appearance? I'm not necessarily talking about eye colour or skin colour-- but things like his build, his height, weight? These things effect our everyday lives and how people would see us. You described Henry's appearance and his plans-- but it seemed rushed.
That's another problem, you wrote too quickly. Try to make a goal of at least 1,500 words. Then you can expand that chapter by chapter. That's what I'm doing with my story, Queen's Demise. For example, you can write 1500 words in te first chapter. Then 1,900 words in the second one, after that a 2,500 words in the third one and so on.
Most writers agree on 3,000 words per chapter, but you can take it as far as you would like.
Anyway, good luck on your story and I hope you found this review helpful! Keep writing :D