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I want to start by saying. Who is the M.C. talking to? In fact from the first paragraph who is the M.C. I had to keep rereading this chapter. It really bogged down and could be expanded on better. I feel all the information is crammed in too tightly like you are trying to quickly. Try reading it allowed. This is all telling and no showing.
Over all it feels empty but, I think it could be more.
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