Mary Chidiac

Canada

Just an aerialist who likes to write things.

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Great start!

What a great first impression! Lots of mystery and a great hook right from the start! Can’t wait to see what happens next for these characters. A few grammar mistakes and run on sentences here and there, nothing to pull me out of the story or anything, just something to note (I’m so bad for run on sentences so it tends to be something I notice because I do it so much in my own writing :p) but an excellent start! Great job of defining/describing the world/characters as well, nice clear descriptions that weren’t overwhelming. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Great start!

I think you have something really good going here! I love the concept and how you're playing with it so far. I can't wait to learn more about Logan, and Ava definitely has more to her than initially meets the eye - great job developing her throughout the chapter! The worldbuilding is great and unique, and all your characters feel very unique - I really liked Scotty but I can't wait to learn more about the leads.
My only piece of criticism revolves around your grammar. I noticed a few run on sentences, so I would suggest playing around with breaking those up. I'm awful for run on sentences in my own writing - I find the best way to help is to read it out loud to yourself - if you find yourself getting out of breath halfway through, that's a good indication you need a period somewhere in there. But that's just me, you do what works for you :) Also, just make sure you end your paragraphs with periods, I noticed a few missing about 2/3rds of the way through.

After that paragraph, let me end off on a positive note. I genuinely enjoyed reading through this first chapter! The world is very well defined, and I can tell you've spent a lot of time thinking about it and fleshing it out, so props to you for that! World building is hard and you've done it well. I love your descriptions of everything, it gave me a very clear picture in my head as to what was happening and what everyone looked like, so great job with that as well. Overall I think this story has great potential and I can't wait to see where it goes from here! Great job :)

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Great read!!

Great plot and characters. And a fantastic job of slowly revealing the past in a suspenseful way, great job with that! Madeline is a very intriguing character and I can’t wait to learn more about her and what happened to cause her and Alex to move to Seattle! I love that Madeline and Alex are two career people making it work-I feel like that’s a very relatable situation, but one that you don’t see too often in stories, so I liked that a lot.
My only gripe was some of your grammar and spelling. You went back and forth with some of the names (Kirsty and Kristy, for example) and I noticed a few grammar mistakes that pulled me out of the story a bit.
That may have sounded quite negative, but I want to finish off my saying I really enjoyed your story! The writing style flowed quite nicely, and I loved getting to know the characters and the slow reveal of the past is keeping me on my toes. Well done! :)

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Great start!

Loving this so far! The characters really jump off the page, and I totally got immersed in the story because of it! And I can’t wait to see where the plot goes-this feels like a promising, original idea! My one suggestion would be to work on the idea of ‘show, don’t tell.’ You do a good job of showing during flashbacks, which is fantastic, but I noticed more telling when the MC interacts with situations and characters. Nothing major, that may just be aesthetics on my part, but something to play around with if you’d like. Overall I thoroughly enjoyed the first part of this story! Keep it up and I can’t wait to see where it goes! :)

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Great!

What a great read! I love the chemistry between the characters and their interactions. They feel realistic and authentic, and it really immerses me in the story! They make the story fun and unique, and the plot is great too! The writing style is nice and easy to follow, and there’s plenty of comedy to be found, which makes the story quite enjoyable to read through. Overall great work! :)

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Great start!

I’m liking this so far! I like the twist on the cliche of being attracted to the ‘bad boy’ by having the protagonist be male. Gives a bit of diversity to the genre as opposed to most romance novels being very heteronormative, so props to you for that, we love diversity :D I noticed a few grammar mishaps here and there, my main piece of advice is to make sure you lead with a capital letter at the beginning of speech, since it’s technically a new sentence. Overall I really enjoyed this story so far! Great job! :)

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Great so far!

I really like this so far! Great detail and slow world building, and provides a fantastic template for the plot to come. I’m very intrigued! I feel this could go any number of ways, can’t wait to see what you have in store! I noticed a few grammar mistakes, nothing major though. I was a teeny bit confused with the italicized dialogue at first, but once I got used to it I really liked it. Overall a great first chapter! Can’t wait to see where the story goes from here! :)

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Wow

I have no idea how to review this, and that’s a good thing. The characters really grew on me as I read through the story, especially Gaia. Also her relationship with juniper was amazing and hilarious, and provided a lot of levity, which helped balance out the darker moments. Also another note on their relationship: I love how it developed, and even though they argued a lot you could tell they cared for one another, and that’s a hard line to walk, so great job with that. :)
I looooooved the dream sequences. That was such a cool idea and I love how it played out, really gave the whole story a supernatural/fantasy feel, which isn’t seen too often in apocalypse stories, but it totally works in this! :)
Overall I loved this. Such a cool story full of dynamic characters, and the last few chapters had me in an emotional roller coaster! Fantastic job! :)

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Love it so far!

Really liking this so far! The writing style is great, easy to follow but still allows me to picture everything very clearly in my head. I think the concept is fantastic, and I can’t wait to see where it and the characters go from here. Great job! :)

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Interesting so far!!

I’m really liking this so far! Such an intriguing concept of having twins separated at birth, it gives me Star Wars vibes a bit but with more of a fantasy twist. I noticed a few run on sentences here and there, but it was minor in the grand scheme of things-the only reason I notice it is because I’m super bad for it in my own writing. Overall great job so far, can’t wait to see where the story goes! :)

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Love it!

I’m loving this so far!! Writing a child protagonist is hard to do, and you’ve managed to keep a sense of childlike wonder and whimsy with Emma while making her a compelling protagonist. As someone who’s been a book worm for as long as I can remember I totally relate to her! All the characters are distinct and have their own voices, and the writing style flows nicely. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Intruiging!!

I admit I’m unfamiliar with the world/characters this is based on, but that didn’t seem to matter in the grand scheme of things, as the story still kept me engaged and wanting to know what would happen next! :) the story is almost written like a play, which was a little off putting at first, but once you got used to it it was a really unique and fun detail, and one that I haven’t seen in a story like this before, so good job on integrating that! :) I know this was mentioned in the disclaimer, but just be careful with your grammar, as it pulled me out of the story a few times. Perhaps running it through something like grammarly would help?
I know that was a strange note to end on, but I really enjoyed reading through this story! Great job! :)

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Interesting!

Great story so far! I love how all the characters interact with one another! I love all the little details too, it really makes the story come to life. Overall great job! :)

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Fun!

What a fun read! The characters were enjoyable and fun to get to know, as well as their story together! My only critique is to watch your grammar, as it pulled me out of the story a couple times, but it happens to the best of us, just something to note. Overall I really enjoyed this story!

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So cute!

This is such an adorable story! I'm a huge sucker for romance and their relationship is so wholesome and cute. My only critique is to watch your grammar and sentence structure; it got a bit repetitive at times. Not enough to pull me out of the story, just something to note. :)
Overall I loved reading through this, really great work and such a fun concept for a short story! I must say I'm not usually a short story person but this held my attention from beginning to end. Also I love that you made the honeymoon feel like an epilogue of sorts. It made it feel like we (as the audience) were being let in on a secret or something, which is always fun. Great work!

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Hooked!

Wow, you had me at the first two lines! I feel like this poem will ring true for many people that read it - I know I related to it immensely. Great use of structure and symbolism to get your message across! I can't wait to read more works from you! :)

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Great!

Second person POV! Holy that's hard to do but the author nailed it! There's enough detail in the world to keep you engaged but not soo much that it takes you away from what's happening. The plot is very interesting as well and kept me on my toes wanting to know more, and the characters are well realized. Overall a solid well written story and I can't wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Great Characters!

Alijah is such a compelling character! I love that you show the impact of her trauma not just on her character but psychologically as well, I think it really adds a deeper layer to the story and makes us sympathize with her and makes her someone to root for. Overall awesome job at building her story! Keep it up!

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So good!

Holy I love this! Avery really jumps off the page: she’s a very well realized character and i found her super relatable, even though I’ve never had a parent die. I love your writing style and how you unravel the situation, the rest of the characters, and the plot. Overall I’m super impressed! Great job :)

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Good so far!

Alright there’s a lot to unpack here!
I really like the concept of this story. The charismatic boy who is a complete monster behind closed doors is something I feel is more common than people let on, so good on you for portraying that so well.
That said though, I’ll get to my only negative, which doesn’t have so much to do with the story or your writing itself, (I thought it was written quite well!) but just the content. Without getting into too much detail, some scenes brought up some unpleasant memories for me and I had to take a mental health break after reading. I would suggest putting a trigger warning somewhere just so people know whats coming. But that’s just me. In no way does this negate your ability as a writer to me, I think you have something really good here and you’re a great writer, but I just wanted to put that out there :)
I’ll end on a positive! Your descriptions are excellent and I can very clearly imagine both main characters in my head, so great job with that! Also good job of setting the mood-the prologue was steamy and then turned chilling in chapter one, so great job with being able to create different tones in your writing!
Overall good job! :)

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Love it!!!

This is everything I imagine in a well told western. I’m not super well versed in the genre but I can tell you’re having a blast writing this. All the characters feel distinct from one another and everything is very well described and I can imagine everything about the story playing out in my head. The dialogue is strong and the writing style perfectly fits this kind of story; it feels like the 3rd person narrator is from the time period this takes place in, which I love and totally immersed me in the story even more. And I didn’t notice any grammar mistakes, so good job with that too! :)
Overall I’m obsessed! This is such a fun story in a great genre and I can’t wait to see what happens next! Great job! :)

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Great!

I thoroughly enjoyed this short. Even though I’m nowhere near the place where Anna is in her life, I totally understood where she was coming from, and I think that’s due to your writing. I could completely understand why she was upset with Sean, and even though he was trying to be understanding, her wants in the situation completely flew over his head. I feel like that’s something that happens a lot in relationships, wherein Anna just wants him to do some of the chores without being nagged by him, so bravo to you for so expertly bringing out that aspect of a relationship. I don’t think it’s talked about enough.
Even though I’ve never been pregnant (and I’m not sure I have any intention of ever having kids) I love how you described the feeling. I love the line “a gentle reminder of the presence breathing inside”. It’s such a beautiful way of describing it and I instantly knew she was pregnant as soon as I read it, so fantastic job of wording that.
Overall I was thoroughly impressed with this short. A captivating, relatable read! Fantastic job :)

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Interesting!

Before I say anything, I’d like to preface this by saying I’m not super well versed in the werewolf genre, so just keep that in mind 😅
I like how you’ve taken the idea of mates and given it a unique twist: like it’s something from a bygone era that isn’t worth pursuing anymore. I really liked that concept and I thought it played into your story very well. Dahlia is a very intriguing protagonist, and I can’t wait to find out more about who the wild ones are, they sound so threatening and I can’t wait to see how they interact with the main characters. Your writing style flows very nicely and kept me engaged, and I didn’t notice any grammar mistakes, so great job with that! Overall i plan on sticking around to see how this plays out and immensely enjoyed the first few chapters. Great job :)

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Good!

Great plot and characters!! Holy the twists are keeping me on my toes! I need to know what happens next ahhhh. Jil is especially compelling and i cant wait to see what happens next with her character.
This may just be aesthetics on my part, but play around with starting a new paragraph every time someone new is talking. In my experience it helps the flow of conversations. Not that yours didnt, but the big blocks of text with dialogue between two characters mixed in was teeny bit confusing at times. Still very well written, just something to play around with if youd like-i leave it up to you :)
Let me end it on a positive note: you dont normally get the killers perspective in stories like this, so that was a very fun twist! Even if they were super diabolical lol. Great job keeping up the mystery and intrugue!! Ill keep reading! Great job! :)

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A fun read!

This was a very fun story to read! I love the lead characters and the twist of her being his boss. I think that’s a fun concept to play with as it’s so often the other way around in erotica. Especially loved Benton, I felt for him and his situation and his personality was a nice change from having a super possessive and toxic male lead. The writing style flowed very nicely, and I didn’t notice any grammar mishaps. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Great!

Werewolf stories generally aren’t my thing, but I loved yours right from the start! I think Sam is my favourite, but all the characters are distinct and unique, a challenging feat to pull off so nice job with that!! My one piece of advice with your grammar is to watch your tenses; you write in past tense, but a few times I noticed you switching into present tense. Just something to note for future edits. Your writing style flows very nicely and is descriptive without slowing the story down or anything. Overall I think you have something special here! Great job! :)

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Obsessed!

I am absolutely obsessed with this!! I’m not sure if you’ve seen/read stardust, but it reminds me of that a futuristic version of that! Vale is a super interesting protagonist and I love her character progression throughout the story. The various characters have distinct voices and personality quirks-I never got confused as to who was who while reading, which is a difficult skill to master, so bravo to you! The writing style flows nicely, I noticed a few grammar mishaps but nothing that pulled me out of the story. Overall fantastic job and I can’t wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Good start!

I think you’ve got something going here! The plot is interesting and I’m excited to see where it goes. I’m especially intrigued by the MC. I have so many questions! What happened that drove her away? Ahhh so much mystery I love it!
I noticed a few things. This might seem suuuuper nitpicky, but as a Canadian who’s been to Vancouver too many times to count, winter isn’t too different from their other seasons, it’s pretty much cold and wet no matter what time of year you go. Maybe it’s a teeny bit more chilly in winter, but fall and winter especially are very similar there. Just something to note for future edits if you’re going to mention it in conversation. Also, flashbacks and thoughts are generally italicized, so you shouldnt need to explicitly state when a flashback is coming up. I usually put a little page breaker before them, but that’s just me, I leave that up to you :)
I know that was a bit nitpicky, but I wanted to end off on a positive note. I think you have a really good idea here and I think you have real talent! I’m excited to see where your story goes from here! The characters are distinct and vivid, I can very clearly picture them in my mind, and they each have their own quirks and personalities, which is a hard skill to master in writing, so fantastic job with that! I like your descriptions of the scenery as well. Just enough to imagine without it overpowering the scene. Overall great job, can’t wait to see where it goes! :)

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Great so far!

Intriguing concept! While amnesia plots are fairly predictable this presents a nice new twist with the nightmare aspect. Annie is super relatable, I know I’ve spilled coffee on myself like that before, and her day to day relatability makes me root for her! I noticed a few grammar mishaps, but nothing major. Overall great work! :)

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So much fun!

When I first read the synopsis I was intrigued and ready for a very serious story about rebellion and all those things. I was not prepared for how funny this was! It totally caught me off guard but I loved every second of it!! The writing style is fun and descriptive, and I didn’t notice any grammar mishaps. Well done! :)

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Love it!

I have so much respect for your work. Poetry is hard to write and you’re amazing at it. My personal favourite from your collection is the things we do for love-such a strong message that I think anyone can find some sense of relatability in. Your style is great and flows well, and I didn’t see any grammar mishaps. Fantastic work! :)

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Yes!

What a unique concept! It pulled me in before I even started reading. I love that the MC isn’t one of the ones affected by the awakening-it’s a cool twist on the trope that she’s unique as a protagonist, but it presents a fun irony because she’s ‘ordinary’, which is what makes her rare. I feel like I explained that badly but I guess what I’m saying is that her being ordinary in a supernatural world is very compelling. The writing style is good, maybe a touch wordy here and there, but nothing crazy. Overall great job! :)

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Love this!

Love this so far! I’m obsessed with your characters, they feel so real and distinct, I can always tell who’s talking and they all have their own personalities and quirks, which I love. The writing style flows nicely, with plenty of detail to visualize without getting overloaded. This may just be aesthetics, but my one suggestion is to start a new paragraph whenever someone new is talking. I’ve played around with this in my own writing and I find that dialogue, especially between 2 people, flows and clips along better. But that’s just me, do what works for you and your writing :) overall I’m impressed! Great job!

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Love it!

I was hooked from the moment I read the bio. Such a intriguing concept, and it opens up so many possibilities, especially for Alisha. She is a very compelling protagonist, and I can’t wait to see how her and her powers grow from here. Writing style is nice and flows very well. This may just be me, but don’t be afraid to add more descriptions and imagery! It will immerse your readers even more! Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this read. Great job! :)

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Great so far!

I’m loving this so far!! The entire first chapter presents a great hook and keeps me wanting more! Love your use of Spanish as well, it really shows who Stella is. Speaking of Stella, she’s quite a compelling main character! She feels real and well rounded, with her own quirks and character traits, so well done with her! The writing style flows great and is easy to follow as well. Overall great job! :)

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Loving it!

Loving this so far! The prologue presents a great hook and the second chapter really pulls you in and introduces you to the world and who arella is and could be. I loved it! Nice flow with your writing as well, and the plot moves at a nice steady pace with lots of intrigue. Overall fantastic job! I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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WOW!

This was one of the most immersive stories I’ve read. The description and imagery pull you right in from the start, vividly capturing the world without weighing down the story at all. I couldn’t find any grammar mistakes thus far, and your writing style is amazing! Can’t wait to see what happens next, fantastic job! :)

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Great!

I’m really enjoying this so far! I love the writing style! Clear and descriptive while not overwhelming the reader with details, while still providing plenty of descriptions, so great job with that! I didn’t notice any grammar mistakes either. And the characters really jump off the page-right from the beginning I’m invested! Overall great job! :)

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Behind the veil

This is a good book so far! The writing style fits the MC perfectly: simplistic, though still with lots of awareness and descriptions, even if the MC isn’t entirely aware of what’s happening because she’s so young. I’m intrigued and curious to see where the story goes from here. Noticed a few grammar mistakes, but nothing crazy. Overall good job!

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Love it!

Love this so far, such a fun story! The characters voices are distinct and unique, so props to you for doing that, especially in a story with POV switches. This may just be a preference on my part, but play around with starting a new paragraph each time a new person starts talking. In my experience, it helps the dialogue flow a bit better, especially in conversations between two characters. Nothing major, just something to play around with, I still thoroughly enjoyed the story regardless :) overall I’m hooked! Can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great so far!

I’m liking this so far! I love the characters and I can’t wait to see them grow. The writing style is nice and easy to follow, but still descriptive enough to allow me to imagine everything in my head, and I couldn’t find any grammar mistakes as far as I could tell. Good job! :)

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Potential

This story has potential for sure. Ill admit I’m unfamiliar with the premise and content, but I was able to follow along and I found the characters interesting. I assume this is a first draft, so for edits I would suggest going back and using something like grammarly to fix some of the grammar mistakes. I’m curious to see where the story goes from here!

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Liking this so far!

I must say I’m unfamiliar with this genre but that didn’t seem to matter, as the story pulled me in! The MC has an interesting background, one that I haven’t really seen explored in a main character before, and I’m interested to see where his character goes. The writing style is great, I noticed a few grammar mistakes but nothing major. Overall great job! :)

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WOW!!!

This first chapter is incredible!! The slow world building as Jean goes through his day is fantastic, and really gives you a sense of the world, but while still leaving plenty of mystery to make you want to keep reading. The descriptions are vivid and well written too, and it completely immersed me in the world while reading. Jean is a very compelling protagonist, and i can’t wait to find out more about who he is, how he ended up where he is, and what his future character holds in the story. Overall I am thoroughly impressed! Keep up the fantastic work! :)

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Compelling!

I’m loving this so far! There is so much mystery and intrigue around Elle, I can’t wait to find out more about her and her role in the story. The writing style is good and flows nicely, and I couldn’t find any grammar mistakes so far. Overall nice job, and I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great!

Such a compelling idea for a novel! The MC is surrounded in a lot of mystery which I love, it makes me want to keep reading! The characters are distinct as well. My only suggestion is watching your grammar. I remember seeing that you said English wasn’t your first language, so perhaps something like grammarly might help? With all that said, the plot and characters are excellent and I can’t wait to see what will happen next. Great job! :)

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Wow!

This beginning gave me chills! So suspenseful and mysterious, I have so many questions. This is such a compelling first chapter, it makes me wonder who everyone is, how they came to be in their position, especially the MC. Overall great work at building an interesting beginning! :)

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Love it so far!

I’m loving this so far! Raes anxiety is super relatable and you really convey that in your writing. It totally makes me root for her! I love her internal monologue as well. Hilarious and keeps the story moving in a fun, engaging way. And the characters are all very distinct with their own voices and quirks as well, so they’re easy to differentiate in my head. A couple small grammar mishaps, but nothing major that pulled me out of the story. Overall great job and I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great so far!

Based on the first two chapters I’m very intrigued!! Growing up with older siblings, I totally relate to Lacy and her relationship with her sisters, as well as her letting her sister take the lead for most things, completely know that feeling. You’ve done a good job of setting up this ball, I have a feeling something big is going to happen during it and I can’t wait to see what it is! Overall I’m impressed and I can’t wait to see what happens next! Great job! :)

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Amazing so far!!

So far I’m loving this! The concept had me before I started reading, and the first chapter did not disappoint! Such rich imagery without being overwhelming or disrupting the flow, so excellent job with that. The characters are intriguing, I can’t wait to learn more about them, especially the father son relationship. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Wow!

I’m not usually one for werewolf stories but this presented a unique twist on the genre that I appreciated. The character descriptions are great and give me a clear idea of what they look like, and the writing style is easy to follow and flows well. I would suggest going back and checking your grammar in a few spots, but nothing major. Overall good job! :)

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YES!!!

This novel hooked me right from the start! Such an incredibly well written story, I can tell you’ve put a lot of effort into the writing. The details immerse you into the world without being overwhelming or breaking up the flow, which is a hard feat but you have done so very successfully!! Overall fantastic job!! :)

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Fantastic!

This story is incredibly well written! The style is great, pulling you into the story with lots of details while still being easy to follow and with good flow. The characters are dynamic and distinct (Vicky is my favourite!) and the plot is well structured. Overall fantastic job! :)

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Great!

I must say I don’t usually gravitate towards werewolf novels but this held my attention! Great immersive world building and very dynamic characters-I totally got caught up in it! A couple tiny grammar mistakes, but nothing crazy, happens to the best of us. The writing style is great as well, and pulled me right in! Great job! :)

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Wow!!

Where do I even begin with this? This was an incredibly well written suspenseful, action packed mysterious story that kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time! They say to write what you know, and I can tell that you know London extremely well-you made me feel as though I was there!
On a more serious note, my only issue with this story was the ‘fall from grace’ chapter. I had to take a bit of a mental health break after that chapter because I found it very disturbing. Which, I understand why you included it, but the content, particularly the implied assault of Chloe rubbed me the wrong way for reasons I won’t get into here. With all this said, I’d suggest putting a disclaimer or trigger warning before that chapter just so people know what’s coming, but that’s just me. And honestly that’s the only problem I had with the story.
With that note aside, I really enjoyed the story!
I’m glad fence is okay, I had a feeling he wasn’t really gone :)
Also, I love the supernatural touches you’ve added. They don’t feel silly or out of place, but gritty and realistic, and the action scenes were incredibly well written-I could imagine the action so clearly in my head, so fantastic job with that.
Overall an incredibly enticing, well written story that I will definitely be recommending to others! Fantastic job! :)

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Love this!

This is such a cool concept for a story! Reminds me of other magical schools that have been in stories before, but this one is still very unique and unlike others I’ve read! The writing style pulled me right into the story from the beginning, and kept me on my toes throughout the story. The characters are great, the world is well described and well realized, and the flow is great as well. A couple small grammatical errors, but nothing major, just something to note. Overall a very cool original idea and I loved it! :)

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Love it so far!

Even after only 3 chapters I’m hooked on this story! I can’t wait to find out more about the world these characters inhabit. The action is well described with nice flow and tension, keeping me on my toes and eager as to what will happen next. I can’t wait to see the mains interact more as well, I’m interested to see what sylvias backstory is especially! Overall a very well written story so far. Keep it up! :)

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Wow!

This book has me on the edge of my seat at every turn! The characters are interesting and their interactions keep me engaged in the story. The writing style is fantastic as well, with ample detail for me to imagine the world without it being overwhelming or slowing the story down. I noticed a couple small grammar mistakes, but it didn’t pull me out of the story at all, nothing major, just something to note. Overall great job! :)

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Love it!

An interesting take on the witch concept! I love Trixie, I found her very interesting and I think she’s someone a lot of readers will be able to relate to on her journey. The writing style is fantastic, very easy to follow while still giving me lots of detail to imagine the world. Great job! :)

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YES!!

I love this!! Perfect descriptive imagery of the more horror-esque aspects without being gross or off putting, and the writing style is engaging and sucks me right into the story! The characters are great as well, the healer is a great character to tell this story to the audience because he is experiencing this new town just like us-It makes me feel like we’re on this journey and figuring out the mystery of this illness with him. Overall a very well written story with the perfect amount of horror for my tastes, engaging characters, and great nuanced conflict in the background (the two religious doctrines I mentioned in the comments, for example) Well done! :)

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Good!

I see a lot of potential here! The writing style was easy to follow and the story kept my attention, which can be difficult in erotica, so good job with that! If I had a few suggestions it would be to watch some of your grammar, like your tenses and making sure you’re not missing any quotation marks. Overall great job, can’t wait to see where it goes from here!

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Enjoyable!!

Love the plot and descriptions of this story! Each character and place is described very well and allows me to create a vivid picture in my head of what each person looks like, especially for the mains. Quick note on grammar, watch your run on sentences. It didn’t pull me out of the story in the slightest, but just something minor to note-I know it’s something I struggle with as well. Overall a very engaging story with an interesting, vivid world and great characters. I can’t wait to see where it goes! Fantastic job! :)

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Heartbreaking but beautiful

I almost teared up at the ending of this. I could feel her heartbreak, all the details and the vivid world completely immersed me in the story. I can’t think of enough good things to say about this. The world-building was incredibly strong, so much detail was packed in but it never felt overwhelming. Overall I’m thoroughly impressed. Fantastic job! :)

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Great!

I appreciate that this story has a compelling plot outside of the erotica aspects (which not all erotica stories do) so this was a nice change of pace! I like the characters and I can’t wait to see where it goes from here! Great job! :)

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Amazing!

I love everything about this story. I love the relationships between the characters (Joe and Persephone are absolutely adorable). More than that though is the writing. This is an incredibly well written story chock full of details and quirks that give you a very clear picture of what’s happening without having these details be overwhelming. Overall a fantastic story with great characters and writing. Keep it up! :)

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YES!!

I normally wouldn’t gravitate towards a book like this but I am hooked! The writing style is really quite something, and allowed me to vividly picture everything that was going on. I especially loved how you integrated the cultural aspects, and gave a small explanation for what something was if it was an unfamiliar term for someone who doesn’t follow Asian culture, which were perfectly summarized and integrated into the story (quickly summarizing what a yukata is, for example). Overall I’m thoroughly impressed with this story and characters and pretty much everything about this story! Well done! :)

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Interesting!

Never read a story like this before so this was an interesting concept to read through! My one critique is to watch your writing style, the run on sentences can be a bit overwhelming at times-it’s something I struggle with in my writing all the time lol. It didn’t take me out of the story at all, just something to note. Overall nice job!

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Good start!

Very interesting concept! Reminded me a little bit of buffy at first in terms of how her family defines her and how she works through those feelings, but this was still unique in its own right. Bolding the dialogue was an interesting choice and put me off a little at first, but once I got used to it I liked it. And it straddles the line of being dark without going too far, which is hard to do but is done so successfully, at least to my tastes. Overall very good start and I can’t wait to see where it goes! :)

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Great so far!

Really enjoying this so far!! The descriptions are vivid and clear without having them be overpowering or take over the story, which is a hard thing to do but the author does so very successfully. The characters are distinct and easy to picture in my mind as well, and I love the setting! Very cool. Overall a great read and I can’t wait to see where it goes :)

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Great start!

I must say I’ve never seen a story quite like this before. The reaper character is super interesting with a lot of mystery, I can’t wait to find out more about him and the rest of the characters. The dark tone is established right away and carries throughout the first few chapters, allowing for great continuity in that respect. Overall great job! Can’t wait to see where it goes from here! :)

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Iconic!

This story gives me strong handmaids tale/1984 vibes while still being incredibly original and compelling. The writing and concept pulled me in from the very start, and I can very clearly imagine this world and the characters that inhabit it. The idea of "perfects" and the other categories feel like they could be as iconic as the term "handmaid" or "martha" in handmaids tale - it's a really compelling way to segregate the society in this story that gives the reader a clear idea of how society works in this story. Honestly I can't find enough good things to say about this. I think that this story could one day be in the same conversation as other famous dystopias of this nature like handmaids tale and 1984. I am so hooked on this story, it's so well written and I can't wait to see what happens next. Fantastic job! :)

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What happens next??

I'm officially hooked on this story! The writing style is simple and easy to follow, while still containing enough detail for me to clearly visualize what's going on. The characters are also very well defined and easy to imagine. The love triangle storyline is a little predictable at first, but I must say I did not see some things coming and the plot is keeping me on my toes! I can't wait to see what happens next, great work! :)

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Love this!

This is some fantastic world building here! I can tell you've really taken the time to flesh out the world and it makes it very well realized. The details and rules of the world make sense (something that isn't easy to do when you're creating an original world - I know from experience) and make for an incredibly enticing story and world. The characters are well defined and there was ample detail to give me a clear picture of what was happening without having these details be overwhelming. My only critique is to watch your grammar and tenses, but this is minor in the grand scheme of things, and it didn't pull me out of the story while I was reading. Overall really well done!

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YES!!

It is so cool to see a werewolf story that isn't the typical romance/erotica storyline! This was such a cool and original idea and I love that you really leaned into the dystopian aspects of the plot to make the story feel fresh and enticing. This was very well written also, with good, thorough descriptions that immersed me in the fantastic worldbuilding and great characters without it being overwhelming. I couldn't put this down! Overall a fantastic story that I will for sure be recommending to others, especially those who are sick of the traditional werewolf romance story. Well done! :)

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Loving it so far!!

I’m loving this so far! The characters feel authentic and their conversations and interactions feel very natural. The writing style is great too, being detailed enough to allow you to imagine what’s happening but not so detailed that it becomes overdone. Overall really well done, I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Intriguing start!

Great job setting up the premise and suspense, it makes me want to keep reading to see where it goes! Only critique I have is to watch your grammar, but it's minor. Overall very interesting concept, I haven't read a lot of books like this and you have peaked my interest! Can't wait for the next update! :)

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Cuteness overload

I love everything about this story! I couldn't put it down. The writing style seems to perfectly straddle the line of being easy to follow without being too simplistic, which really works for this kind of story. Even if the concept is a little predictable, it's so cute that I didn't mind, and the author added enough originality to it to make the story interesting and adorable. Loved it!

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Great!!

What a cool idea for a novel! The characters are well defined and easy to imagine, and I’ve never seen a concept quite like this before and held my intrigue all the way through as you find out more about the characters. Grammatically, just watch your use of tenses and make sure they’re consistent. Overall a unique, interesting concept with great world building and characters. I can’t wait to see what happens next!

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Well done!

Loving this so far! The characters are defined but have the perfect amount of mystery surrounding them to build intrigue and make you want to keep reading. Writing style was great and easy to follow as well, keep it up, I can’t wait to see what happens next! :)

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Great characters!

I love Cynthia! She is very relatable and a great protagonist for your story, I love how sassy she is! As well I love that she's a scientist, I feel like girls in science (and especially those that go to MIT!) in romance books is uncommon, so it's awesome to see and it keeps your story unique and fresh. My only critique would be to keep an eye on your grammar, but otherwise I really enjoyed it! Keep it up!

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