Midori Caine

Good start

This is an interesting start and I hope you post more chapters soon. You have a good voice and you write well.

Good start

A very promising opening chapter. I am looking forward to future chapters, though my only issues are mostly grammatical/usage of semi colons. But a small edit will help. You have a good voice, so get on with the next chapters!

Character with a capital C

Another triumph! You write your characrers so well, they're engaging regardless of the story. I really enjoyed the Katherine/Magnus dynamic. Keep them coming!

A Good Start

This was a surprise. This was well written and I'm looking forward to future chapters. Be wary of exposition dumps and ensure the plot flows. Keep it going.

Steamy

This was a good read. The sex scenes felt visceral; I could almost smell the musk in the air. Looking forward to the next one. Good to see Succubi getting some love.

Fantastic

A brilliant retelling with some wonderfully wry humour. I hope you can tackle other tales and perhaps expand on them.

*Insert Krusty quote here*

What a read! I loved the characters and the story was something else. This definitely feels like a beginning. My only critique is that you need to proofread, and also you don't need to capitalise words after speech. But the characters could easily have their own stories; Honko and Wah-Wah in particular. Keep them coming.

Like warm Irish Cream on a snowy night

This was a charming, cosy little tale I enjoyed reading. The characters were well defined and many of them likable, with the vibe of it being an hour long made-for-tv film (in the best way possible!). I was expecting more resistance from Helen in the final third, but it worked itself out nicely. Honestly, if any of these characters appeared in a future story, I'd be all for it.

Keep on writing!

Three cheers for Sweet Revenge

What a read! I'm not usually into these types of pairings (rich guy etc.), but you write this well and I was compelled to finish it. I like the arc of Renya, who went from shrinking violet to a confident badass. The dialogue was sharp, and each character felt distinct. The sex scenes were well written also (not one usage of 'jackhammer'!) and felt natural as the relationship between the leads progressed.

Eloquent & Touching

This is a beautiful collection that you have written. At times, it feels like an open diary. It flows well and the heart is there.

No criticism! Just praise. I hope you write more.

Solid & Engaging

I don't usually read stories in this genre, but this was a nice surprise. You write well, and you've clearly got an understanding of these two main characters. It will be interesting to see where this story goes. My only criticism is that I think you can be a little creative with your descriptions. You wrote the sex scenes well, but try to engage the five senses. Paint a picture. Let the audience see, rather than tell them.

Overall, this is an engaging tale. And I look forward to future chapters.

The Devil in the Details

This was a very interesting read. I am enjoying the plot so far, and Asmodeus is defined enough as a protagonist that he really does provide a contrast to the other characters. Parts reminded me of Neil Gaiman in a way.

There are some really cool ideas. Such as seeing Asmodeus being summoned, and how it appears through his perspective. You never see that in media, and it really stands out. Particularly how the demons see how humans see the other world, and how their ideas formed religion and similar ideas. Having Thor be an antagonistic figure is a nice touch; the proliferation of the MCU means everyone pictures Liam Hemsworth's brother. This Thor feels different enough to be his own character.

My criticisms lie mostly in descriptions, and how action scenes are written. Don't be afraid to be poetic with the adjectives. A good exercise to describe someone/something without stating who/what you're referring to. I'd recommend reading works that can help (Stephen King describes characters like no other person - they remain in your head forever.) The action scenes could use a sense of dynamism, so we really see how Asmodeus is dealing with these incidents.

But yeah, looking forward to the next chapter. You're really onto something here.

Fantastic

Honestly, this is one of the best things I've read on this site so far. It's so personal; it's like I am reading someone's diary. I don't think I can comment on the subject matter, but a lot of it hits home.

Also, for some reason, I had the song 'Save Me' by Aimee Mann in my head the whole time I read this.

Interesting Start

I'm enjoying this! It's an interesting tale, and you write well. Is Mason intersex? I've never read a story with an Intersex character. Keep it up.

Small detail: there is a typo in the title!

Yesterday & Today

This is a well written tale with compelling characters. I hope future chatpers are forthcoming because I'm interested in how this unfolds. There is clear passion in the prose.

Authentic

This is so well written, I'm going to check out your other works. You write with such authenticity and directness; it is really refreshing. Keep them coming.

Good Start

This is well written and suspensful. I hope you add more chapters because this is different to what I usually read. I love the dark aesthetic. Keep it coming.

High Fantasy

You write well and this has potential to be a fantastic tale. My only critique is that it needs a little edit, and that chapter one could be slightly shorter. Otherwise, you are onto something good!

That's the Stuff!

I do plan to finish this tale, but being constantly exhausted means I have to spread the love amongst other authors.

But this is exactly what I've been looking for. Claire and Lestat have great chemistry, and I like seeing how they slowly overcome their mutual animosity. You don't cut corners either, which is refreshing.

Let me be Frank...

A great start to a story with potential. Looking forward to where these characters end up. You have a good voice and a pleasant writing style.

Dark, Darker, Darkest

So far, this is a wonderful write. I love the darkness of the prose, and the voices of the characters. It feels genuine and I'm getting some Billy Martin vibes. Hope for future updates.

Funny & Sweet

A touching tale so far with some pretty sharp dialogue. The characters are well defined and I'm looking forward to future chapters.

Apple of Thine Eye

Such a wonderful read. You write well, and I was captivated by the story. Looking forward to future stories.

Something Special

Well written and spicy. These little stories have their own vibe. Looking forward to future updates!

Beautiful & Interesting

This is something else! The characters feel real, and you contrast their quandries with heavy subject matter well. There are also some beautiful lines sprinkled throughout. Let that poetic side flow, particularly during the steamier scenes. My only complaint is that it may require proofreading for grammar and flow purposes, as well as eliminating the large empty spaces inbetween sentences. But honestly, those complaints are minor compared to how well this story is written. Keep it coming.

Hot damn

This is well written and interesting. I love how you engage the senses, and you write just enough to paint a picture without melodramatic purple prose. Solid ending also. I am definitely reading more of your works.

Oh my

That was an interesting read. One heck of a cliffhanger. You aren't afraid to go there, so to speak. I look forward to reading more of your works. The dialogue was crisp and believeable, and the characters felt real.

My only critique is to maybe edit what happens in the paragraph that mentions Weekend At Bernie's, purely for how dark it comes off.

But other than that, it was a good tale. I enjoyed it.

Silent Hill meets Backrooms

You certainly do have your own voice. The creeping emptiness permeates, and it's really effective. I can't wait for the next chapter, because you keep the tension throughout without sacrificing it for cheap scares. If the next Sient Hill sucks, I'll just read this. Keep it coming!

As It Began...

This is something special in the making. You write well, the characters are interesting, and I can't wait to see how the plot unfolds. Keep the chapters coming, because I think you are onto something. No complaints from me.

Climax to a Climax

This is exactly what I was looking for! Steamy, hot, and I learned a little for my own writings. You write with bold abandon, and I am excited for more. I feel challenged in regards to how I write sex scenes, as I am always afraid of repetition but you kept a fresh flow throughout.

Call me hooked. Can't wait for the next one.

Sweet & Sensual

I'm glad you're back, because this is really well written and engaging. It's difficult to find truly decent Erotica, and this ticks all the boxes. The characters are interesting, and the sex is fiery. Keep the chapters coming, you're onto something special.

Good start

Honestly, this is really well written. There is some precision in your craft. My only criticism would be that the chapters are slightly overlong, and there are some grammar elements that need editing. But those are minor tweaks, I think you're on your way to something special. The plot is engaging, and I look forward to future chapters.

Good start!

You write well, and your main character is compelling. I agree with the other reviewers that you should allow your sentences to flow, and ensure you are checking your punctuation as well. There is a seed here for a great story, so nurture and grow, and you'll have a novel to be proud of.

Bark at the Moon

This is a well written tale that has heart and lust woven throughout. You write the erotica with finesse, which is unfortunately rare. I do think there is a larger story here to be expanded on. My only real criticisms are that you should proof-read for minor mistakes, but other than that, it's a solid short story.

Beautiful

This is a well written tale that I look forward to future installments of. Your prose is careful and beautiful, and I never once strayed whilst reading it. Your characters are interesting too. Cn't wait for the next chapter!

Like ink on parchment

This is a beauitifully written story with memorable characters. I don't know what else to add that other reviewers haven't. I hope to read future stories from yourself.

Also, I was sort of reminded of Stardust by Neil Gaiman, which I think has a similar vibe.

Like Fine Wine

All I can say is that this is some of the best writing I've read on this site. Hundred percent recommend.

I would love to see this author try others genres too.

Bittersweet

Heartbreaking and beautiful. You write well, and I look forward to reading more of your works.

Good!

Enjoyable. You write well, and it was a fun read.

I do have some suggestions, if that's okay. I would reccommend adding more adjectives to add some colour to certain lines. Also, some sentences could be extended, to give a sense of flow.

But there is some real potential here. I think you can write some fantastic works.

Finally, if you want to come at my works with a sledgehammer, I'd fully embrace it, haha.