MishticalOne

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Good Premise, but Where's the Meaning?

I'm about five chapters in--but I may not keep reading, so I will write my review now. I can see that a lot of thought and care has gone into this story. You are obviously a good writer with a good understanding of how to craft a story and move a plot along. You are able to present situations and motives that drive the characters and are able to express their feelings and subsequent choices very sympathetically. Your premise is cliche but attractively wielded. I found myself reminded very much of the book Eragon, both in premise, plot, and writing style.

I don't think there's actually much for me to critique at this point, but I will explain why I said I may not keep reading. I would have liked a little bit more of a sympathetic main character. Eliana's selfish and emotional motives run a little bit dry for me, although it's understandable to her character of being a cast-out half-breed who has been mistreated all of her life. I would like to see a deeper motivation for her decision to change her life than one encounter with the emotional mind-affect of a dragon, or at least a clearer picture of her desperation as her decision feels a bit off the cuff to me. It is also hard to be convinced of the motives of Caelum.

I do expect, however, that you have developed this further along in the story than I have read, and we will understand more of the politics between humans, elves, and dragons as we keep reading.

Overall, you have done an excellent job :) Keep up the good work!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great Hooks

You do an excellent job in your story capturing the reader's interest--the threat of wolves, and the curiosity of what they really are, the different hints. Also the timeless themes of love, belonging, weakness and strength, what they really mean and what they are really sourced in. A story needs these themes and deeper questions to draw us to thoughtfulness of why we do things and I think you've done a nice job.

The only thing I found a little awkward was the abrupt point of view switch from Elizabeth to Rene. Nothing was confusing about except to adjust to a new voice. But perhaps you are still writing this story and eventually it will all tie in back together :)

Nice job! Please continue!

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