Let me start by saying that this was a very enjoyable read so far! It’s fun! I love EXO, so I was very excited to see this title in your list of stories.
Read the story now
I do think you may need to do some proofreading. For example, in the summary, it says “One day explorer Lay left unexpectedly left without telling his friends…” There are a number of similar instances of typos in the summary and throughout the rest of the work. There are some missing commas and sentence fragments. While I don’t subscribe to the idea that every sentence in a work must be grammatically correct (taking into account an author’s unique style), I do think the use of commas in compound/complex sentences could improve the readability here.
Your characterization of the boys of EXO is nicely done! Through the dialogue, the reader is able to get to know each member’s personality. The interaction between the characters is well-written and often hilarious.
One thing I think you could improve upon is the physical descriptions of your characters. Instead of writing them in one sentence using serial commas to list their traits and clothing, consider breaking it up and being more detailed. Too much information in one sentence causes it to turn into a run-on sentence that is awkward to read. Show the reader instead of telling the reader. (e.g., turn something like “...yelled the shortest but loudest member with blonde hair, white jacket, grey shirt, a black trimmed hat, glasses, and green shoes.” into “..yelled the shortest but loudest member. He pulled his black trimmed hat off of his head, revealing a crop of blonde hair. Returning his hat, he adjusted his white jacket that sat nicely over his expensive-looking grey shirt. His green glasses were the perfect match for his green shoes.”)
I think the concept is creative and interesting. The planet names are very funny and fit their inhabitants well. It’s a great way to bring two music acts together in a fresh, new way.