I love emotional stories, things that tug at your heartstrings and play a sad song in your feels...
Read the story now
But that said, I do think you could touch up a few things, not with the story itself, but the flow of the writing. You have a habit of overusing commas (which is not a big deal, as a lot of writers do this by accident all the time, myself included). In a sentence like; "I watched while the man stood before me, as I trembled in fear." A lot of authors make a habit of adding commas where they hear a pause in their head, but for the reader, it just becomes jarring and the pause isn't necessary. For example, reading the sentence like this; "I watched while the man stood before me as I trembled in fear," it reads much smoother. We all want to add emphasis, and for some reason, we associate emphasis with commas. It's a disease all us writers have.
You could drum up more colorful ways of describing things, but I don't need to tell you that. That's just something we all get better at the more we practice writing and read other people's work.
All in all, the story's plot itself is wonderful. Keep up the good work.