Love The Idea
I really enjoy the premise of the story; as someone driven by characters, I'm swept away by personal characters and their motives, and you do very well portraying that. But that being said... the grammar really throws me off. Most of it is alright, but the quotations containing the dialogue sometimes never have an ending quotation, making it very difficult to see where the dialogue stops and the narration resumes. It makes for a harder read, but the story itself is wonderful. Polish your grammar, and you could really do something with this. Will be reviewing the other parts of the saga when I find time to read them.Read the story now
Wicked... No Pun intended. Wicked Awesome Story.
God, it's not often you find something on inkitt you actually believe could be a real published work, but you've done amazingly here. I'm geared toward writing in Third Person Omniscient, but I absolutely love the personal ways you can twist the descriptive dialogue in First Person. Grin is one of the best sarcastic-ass characters ever.
And the idea is marvelous. Bunch of religious types raising a kid like him... delicious.
I personally loved that line about 'announcing the lottery' in a dead language. That's just... beautiful.
Don't ever give up on this. You could really go somewhere with your skills.
I really love the main character, rebellious when she can't afford to be, and her little nickname is to die for. Her struggle is something the reader can greatly empathize with, given how it's portrayed.
But... the grammar needs a bit of fixing. Quotation marks separating dialogue are supposed to look like this; "Nobody can take that from me," she uttered. You're not supposed to mark dialogue 'like this.' Also, assuming you're in the US, American English prefers you to use the commas and ending punctuation of dialogue before the ending quotation, not after.
"Come with me", she requested. "I've got something for you", - wrong.
"Come with me," she requested. "I've got something for you." - correct.
There are a few exceptions, but generally, you want the punctuation to be inside the quotations, not outside. I think you could really wrap your mind around this minor grammar issue if you go out and find a book you really like, then spend a week reading it religiously. A lot of reading will fine tune your grammar instincts. Then, you can give this amazing story a wicked delivery.
Good GOD, that's amazing. Definitely takes the standard for written works on Inkitt up a notch.
I absolutely love the descriptions of reading another person's writing and feeling an essence of who they are amidst the words. That is wonderful. The whole thing bleeds realism without seeming overly dark or hopeless, and that's a hard thing to pull off.
One thing - I think there's supposed to be a space after ellipses (the three dots trailing off...). Like, usually in published works, a sentence with ellipses will read like this; "I don't know... I think you're just overthinking things." But still, your grammar pretty much sets the standard for everyone else on this website, and every writer would benefit from reading your work. Wonderful job.
I love emotional stories, things that tug at your heartstrings and play a sad song in your feels...
But that said, I do think you could touch up a few things, not with the story itself, but the flow of the writing. You have a habit of overusing commas (which is not a big deal, as a lot of writers do this by accident all the time, myself included). In a sentence like; "I watched while the man stood before me, as I trembled in fear." A lot of authors make a habit of adding commas where they hear a pause in their head, but for the reader, it just becomes jarring and the pause isn't necessary. For example, reading the sentence like this; "I watched while the man stood before me as I trembled in fear," it reads much smoother. We all want to add emphasis, and for some reason, we associate emphasis with commas. It's a disease all us writers have.
You could drum up more colorful ways of describing things, but I don't need to tell you that. That's just something we all get better at the more we practice writing and read other people's work.
All in all, the story's plot itself is wonderful. Keep up the good work.
I love the creative terms you use to describe the more annoying varieties of girls in school. The style is nice, too, not too complicated to follow but not simple enough to be mind-numbing.
The main character is flawed, yet the reader feels sympathy for her at times. Well done.
Good representation of a person who takes other people's opinions too seriously, which is a hard thing to overcome and can be mentally hellish at times.
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