Kailynn

Let Your Love Flow

"Let Your Love Flow" is a perfect quick read packed full with emotions and life lessons from start until finished. Brianna was the queen of her school, ruled with an iron fist alongside Kyla, who only wanted a friend but instead got a bully.

St Nick gave her the greatest gift of them all, a fresh start. From there, no one knew--or in Jill's case believed--who she was, allowing her to learn and grow inside the shelter, meeting people from all walks of life, including a single mom like ones she uses to pick on and the brother of her favorite target, Kyla. She learned how to give thanks and listen and hold compassion for everyone, even gather the courage to apologize and would rather live life as less than "perfect" to make up for her past than die a horrible person.

I absolutely love the tie between her allowing love in her heart and her injuries healing. Everytime she thanked somebody, helped out, or put others ahead of herself, an injury healed while her actual body seemed to improve as well. When her soul grew, it pushed the evil--the injuries marring her--out. Kyla not forgiving her was a great touch, really added to the realism. Some might have had her forgive Brie's apology after their near death experience, but Kyla didn't. She woke up to the abuse she suffered and got to speak her truth, finally cutting the cord after both said what they needed to say. The long-lost uncle at the end seemed a bit shoe-horned in, but it also added to the heightened emotions with Brie's decision to be reborn.

Richard, to me, seemed like the person she was meant to meet, same could be said about the single mother, but it seemed like Richard truly made that final push. Between his story and being Kyla's brother along with finding out how others saw her from the outside, she gave her the courage to apologize, to see herself as well. I do hope they were able to keep in touch after the fact.

There were some issues with punctuation and formatting, but it can easily be fixed in edits. Another thing that took me out of the story at times was how it head-hopped, like the narration wasn't sure if it wanted to be third limited or third omniscient, but for me, the story was so strong that I still lost myself in it despite that. All of it can be fixed though.

It's still a must read, a perfect weekend read to break a reading slump. I'd totally recommend to those who love a great redemption story.

The Hatching

Reading this brought me back to elementary school and finding my first choose-your-own-adventure book hidden in the school library. This one was by far better. I love how much longer it was, at least for my adventure, than those I've read before, providing an engaging adventure for potential readers. The language was well-suited for the younger, late elementary into middle school crowd, with a few higher level words mixed in for those in "accelerated" classes (at least what they were called in my middle school). The plotline was fresh, though I do wonder if my plotline gave a bit less information on the hatchlings' importance than others. Second person is a hard POV to pull off and I feel like this balanced showing and telling while keeping the narration unbiased and allowing one's imagination to run, filling in the gaps. I really enjoyed how there didn't seem to be anything indicating one particular gender so anyone could read and imagine themselves in the role of the human doctor. Having dragons live alongside humans and have personalities and hold jobs was a great touch, as someone who loves dragons and loves reading stories with them in it, really made it all the more fun and interesting.

Such a quick and fun read. I'd recommend to anyone, can even be a family activity. You've done it again, Green Shoes!

Inner Woman Vol 2

"Inner Woman" is the second installment to a series of poems the author has put together to share her life and experiences with the world with thought provoking and powerful imagery. You poise powerful questions about faith, bring to light trauma and recovering from such, themes about the pandemic and how it impacted relationships, among others, and this was just wow. It's an amazing collection that I'd recommend to anyone. Well done and extraordinary, I'm at a loss for words.

Operation Graveyard (Dude)

When I first opened it and noticed how long it was, I was worried it would be one of those that dragged on and really needed to be broken up, but I was so glad I was wrong.

The way it starts out is quite inventive, hint at the action with the narrator explaining his story through a hasty written note. His voice comes alive as he explains what got them there, each and every character. And he felt like the average, frat boy Joe with an affinity for sports betting. While there was a little more info dumping and a bit more telling in the beginning, it didn't feel out of place or bring it down. It helped bring to life this guy, who wasn't an average writer, explaining his thriller to life. The details were well done and the action scenes superb. Many of the reactions, especially those when it came to the Graveyard Dudes, felt realistic. Even the fact Isabella, Eva and Evans lasted the longest was a pleasant surprise. In any horror movie, one of them would have been the first to die and one would miss all the development that came during their fight, like how Isabella was the jealous type.

All in all, this was such a high paced thriller that sucks you in immediately. I'd recommend it to anyone.

Unexpected and Action Packed

The beginning of this novel is so steady, quite like real life. It was a unique take on a mystery novel since many jump straight in almost immediately. It helped their relationship develop before your eyes, feeling like this took place in real life rather than fiction. It felt so raw, but once the mystery began to unravel, there was no turning back. Non stop action and adventure so enticing you can't put the novel down even for a second whether it be to get food or walk an adorable puppy. Your easy to follow narrative style helped every unravel and be so concise even when the mystery began to foil out. Guessing the twists and turns only added to the feel of it all. Your suspense all too encaptivating. Awesome job!

Breathtaking

The emotions flow from your well executed poem. Each twist and turn bringing to light a new quality about sweet Dusty. Your feelings about your bird jump off the page and it's such a sweet, wholesome read. I really enjoyed it. It had simplicity and complexity woven together in such a way that it's beautiful. I'm honestly speechless, just fantastic. Your abilities to convey emotions through words while also crafting such beautiful scenes is astonishing and just fantastic.

Here They Come

The suspense and mystery is real with this story. The way you write flows well and reads like it's well thought out. Your writers voice is well developed and doesn't fall victim to the overly telling some first person povs fall victim to. I'm curious as to where these monsters come from and why those things have been happening in his home. It could benefit from a quick proofread but its very well done. You're a talented author. Keep writing!

A Good Start!

I think it's a really good start. The action packed prologue really snaps the reader in, a sharp contrast to when the first chapter starts, introducing the MC and her friends until the cliffhanger ending. I could see this being a leave no stones unturned mystery, and a good one. It could benefit from a quick proofread to fix quite a few grammatical errors and maybe add a few more details but I think its a very strong start. You're a good author. Keep writing!

The Social Misfit

This story is amazing so far. The characters right off the back are unique in their own way and just jump off the page. The dialogue is über realistic and feels as if they really are talking, their voices well developed. I like how you chose two characters of different backgrounds and different religious upbringings and how their differences bring them closer together and stronger as a couple rather than an argument. Quite like on Friends how Chandler not celebrating Thanksgiving but also celebrating Christmas and Monica being Jewish, but they still work and celebrate things together in their own way. Everything about this feels real, like it really happened or is unfolding like a television show before the reader's eyes. There were a few minor errors but nothing too bad. I'll definitely be reading more, you're a talented author. Keep writing!

Professional Level Fantastic

This story read like an actual professional novel. The concept of the story is unique and immediately hooks the reader upon impact. Your vocab is superb and your theme is something people really need to hear. Your characters are all diverse and unique, their voices easy to distinguish even without a dialogue tag. I binged this in one setting and do not regret it. I could so see this turned into an epic movie. You're an amazing writer. Keep writing!

Black Tie Society

The concept of this story is quite unique, and does bring to light a section of society not usually touched on in literature, and most of the time it is done so in a negative light. You show an open mindedness to this subjected, and I applaud you. Also, you're doing from a male perspective that is also not usally talked about as much as females. This is a good story so far.

Though, there are quite a few grammatical issues. Your story keeps flipping from past and present is very confusing. For new writers, writing in the present tense can be a little easier, but it's up to you what you're more comfortable with. Also, there are a lot of missing commas and run on sentences. When talking to someone, there needs to be a comma before their name, and if it is in the middle of the sentence, after their name as well. Also, ellipses, the three dots, those need to be uses sparsely, but also there needs to be a space inbetween the ellipse and the next word. Also, you need to show more than tell. If someone is getting a call, show the reader through 'a ringtone blaring' or 'vibrating in their pocket.' It'll help perk a reader's interest but also build a picture in their head along with adding more detail about the environment/setting. You need to build the world for the readers. With dialogue, their needs to be a comma at the end of the last sentence in the dialogue, unless it ends with a question mark or exclamation point, followed by a dialogue tag. The first letter of the first word in the dialogue tag, unless it is a person's name, should be lowercase. If the dialogue does not end in a dialogue tag, then it should end with a normal period and the next word should be capitalized. Also, you need to establish who's speaking when concerning dialogue so it does not get confusing. There was that one section in the beginning of the first chapter and it got confusing who was speaking. When it comes to dialogue, explaining different things like tone of voice and even body language can help develop your characters and tell things about your characters without explicitly stating it. There were some unrealistic things in your story like 'selling 200 homes in 2 years' and also 'floor 36' in the hotel. Most hotels don't have more than between 5 to 15 floors. Also, selling homes is a long process and isn't always easy.

I'm sorry for the long review, but i do hope it helps any. I wasn't trying to be rude, just trying to help. Your story is unique and good with a lot of promise. Your skills as a writer can only go up from here. You're doing a good job. I do hope this helps any. Keep writing!

The Bitter Pill

I haven't gotten very far in the story but I like it so far. There were a few errors in punctuation and spelling and other things, but its nothing some proofreading won't fix. I really like this unique idea a lot, haven't seen a story like this and what I've read so far leaves me intrigued and wanting to continue. Will definitely finish this story and reccomend it. You're a great writer. Keep writing!

The Halfway Perfect Town

I've enjoyed the story so far. Your use of the narrator being a more popular girl is unique, especially with a lot of stories online being told differently. I can not wait to read more and see how the plot develops. There were some grammatical and punctuation errors especially concerning dialogue and missing punctuation, but that can be fixed with proofreading. Maybe add some more detail and also keep in mind with dialogue, use a new paragraph when the speaker changes otherwise it can get confusing. Also, just wondering but how is one girl able to drive her friends to school freshman year? I dont know if you mentioned it, but freshman where I live is 14 and kids can't get their license then. But I really enjoyed this story so far and can't wait to keep reading. You're a great writer from what I've read. Keep writing!

Awesome

I love this story so much. Everything about this story is amazing from the characters to the incredible way it is written to keep the readers enticed to read more and more. Definitely a binge-able story. Adam reminds me of some other "bad boy" type characters from other stories but in a good way, but he is also so different from others and that makes him an even better character. There were some technical errors with grammar, punctuation and wording. But other than that, this story is incredible and I'll definitely be waiting on the edge of my seat for the next chapter.

Good start

The story is definitely a good start. There were a few grammatical errors including what seemed like an unfinished sentence on the second to last paragraph of the first chapter and some run on sentences. The idea is unique. I've never seen a concept quite like this before. The voice matches the time era especially with excellent diction to match. Good luck with the rest of the story, this is a good start.

Awesome!

While I haven't really read anything like this, I've throughly enjoyed this story so far and can't wait to find out what happens next. Especially with the last chapter in Nolan's point of view, it's left me intrigued, curious of what his involvement in all this is. I have not read a dream sequence this methodical and well written ever, and I applaud you. Dreams are hard af to write, and you've done an amazing job. Everything about this story keeps you on the edge of your toes, ready to read more. Good luck in the contest and I can't wait to read more. There were some grammatical/missing words, but I know you're going to be editing soon and it's to be expected with a fresh draft, happens to me all the time. Keep writing, you're doing great!

Reflective and Hauntingly Beautiful

What an incredible collection of poems, Candice! Emotion pours off the words, lines, stanzas. It flows effortlessly, each with their own natural rhythm, lyrical even. "Ravenous" and "Gray" were two of my favorites. The way you described aging in the latter was beautiful, choosing to see it as a full life and a sign of grace and wisdom, I'd absolutely recommend anyone read it. You invoke some dark images with the ghosts, exorcism, and death references to describe feelings of love, loss, loneliness, and journeying through life, the collection as a whole feels very complete, the parts relating to everything. Many made my heart ache. It was all so well executed and wow!!

Love's New POV

This was such a creative prompt and your take on it was so captivating from start to finish. First person was perfect for this, really allowing a deep dive into how a heart would process such emotions, feeling for special people in one's laugh, and how you tied it in at the end, absolutely brilliant. Love is such a beautiful yet complicated emotion and you managed to put it all into words, capturing each moment in such a vivid way. Wow is all I can say. I loved this so so much!!

The Shaman of the Blue Jay

"The Shaman of the Blue Jay" is a slower-paced entry in the fantasy genre, introducing the reader to the world of Chelan, their magical technology and reserves yet seemingly peaceful political stance along with neighboring Gazalli and Nuwa creatures. It starts out rather slow, introducing the reader to its large cast of characters with Zenobia, Bellamy, Kitani, and Amina paired with the contrasting Urich and Doctor, who show a rather darker underbelly to the government. Where I left off saw the battle between a large Nuwa creature (possibly a leader) and Amina to help lead to potential talks while also saving both their lives and Bellamy's as well, though I have hopes the plot keeps developing at a similar pace with more well-written scenes like this one. The intensity was off the charts and Amina's confidence and strengthen poured off the page, one of her best scenes imo.

About 150 chapters in and I still do have some questions about how the magic system works (and also the possible nightmare issues plaguing Bellamy plus the dream about the former and Amina Urich had in his first chapter). There's a lot of expansive knowledge on the government and political side, even some dives into mundane life, but the magic and technology in some ways feels both in the forefront with Zenobia's character but also barely mentioned. Again, this is seemingly early on in a slower paced novel so it could be revealed later on, but in this moment the idea it'll be expanded upon and more unveiled does keep me wanting to read on. The POV seems really muddled at times, seemingly flopping between third limited and third omniscient and paired with some other word choices does make it hard to understand what's going on at times plus making it hard to become fully immersed in the narrative. There's also some punctuation and formatting errors, but any and all things I've found have been privately sent to the writer.

All in all, this story has caught my eye thus far and I do plan on continuing to read, to dig deeper into the grander story and figure out what happens. I'd recommend to anyone looking for a good fantasy novel or like faraway lands to lose themselves into. Great work!

(This review is in conjunction to the first two rounds of the Green Exchange)

A Must Read

(will try and stay spoiler free but not guaranteed, so read with caution)

When I first saw Green Shoes post about this on their wall, to say I was excited was an understatement. As someone who danced for many years when they were younger, even in the competitive scene for a split second, it was a chance to read about not only the world but see everything that comes with it for Sky.

Tearing into this, everything I've come to expect from a Green Shoes novel was there: strong character voice, intriguing plot--and a unique one too-- and overall an ability to draw a reader in. Sky's struggles with her mother, rocky home life, isolation, and bullies are things people can relate to despite the different circumstances. You watch her find friends, meet dance partner and love interest in Will, and even get closer to those in her own studio, though Stacy and Mackenna try hard to make it unbearable. Her friendships with Asher and Hayden are pure, something she deserved after 14 years of hard work and dedication. And her relationship with Will was just so cute. They had instant chemistry and I saw myself rooting for them from the very beginning.

There were some things that confused me as the book went along, like how her mother was portrayed in the first chapter/prologue as strict and overbearing, holding unrealistic expectations for her and yet as the book went along she doesn't seem that way, outside of forcing Sky to do some press a few times at competitions. She seemed kind and caring towards her, even goofing off at Asher's competition with the bet as to whether Sky got to wear her comfort clothes or more donated stuff. Even with all that, it didn't stop me from binge-reading it all in one day, the first time I've done that in a very long time. Literally, once I picked this book up, I didn't put it down. There may have been the few confusing things and some punctuation errors, but it didn't stop me from losing myself in this book. Absolutely a must read and top tier. Great job, Green Shoes!

Well Run and Well Done

The Green Exchange is the Green Shoes' first competition on Inkitt but it was one of the most well run ones I've had the honor of competing in. The rules were clearly stated and if you had any questions, Green Shoes would quickly get back to you and smooth out any issues. The competition evolved when needed, providing a great space for writers of all experience levels to come in and get feedback on their work, learning the good, what needs improving and everything in between. As far as the rubric, it touched on all the essential aspects of storytelling and also online presentation as well that as a whole helps the story reach readers in many ways. It allowed for a clear exchange of feedback. Green Shoes always made sure everyone who wanted their feedback got it in a timely fashion. One of the clearest examples is the Most Improved category, something unlike anything I've seen but it provides an incredible place for writers to receive detailed feedback from the wonderful host and a place to edit their story, eventually competing for the title of Most Improved at the same time the winners are being announced as well. This really helps writers learn and grow, seeing their stories become the best versions of itself.

As a judge as well, if there were any issues whether it be concerning a book's availability or if you wanted a second look at your wording, making sure you're clear and also supportive, Green Shoes jumped up and helped whenever needed. Any issues were fixed and rearranging judging assignments if needed while also reaching out to make sure both the people involved found out if Inkitt was deciding to be buggy.

It was a well-rounded, great experience on both ends, one of the hallmarks of a great competition. I would absolutely recommend anyone wanting feedback to enter in any future installments, and I would absolutely enter as a judge and participant again as well.

The Time Tamer

Review through the first five chapters.

"The Time Tamer" is a fantastical story about Alam who can jump between different worlds, a special individual in his universe. He seems to be a rather serious character, breaking government law alongside his roommate Aluvard, though Alam's plagued by dreams of his past. Humans live alongside creatures like gargoyles and shifters, sometimes succumbing to the dark side of it as well. There's a lot of vivid detail mixed in to help develop this world A.E. Roberts has created and it all makes one want to find out more, uncover more about it. The blurb itself introduces so much that entices one to see how it all unfolds. There's some things that need to be fixed, already sent to the author, but even with that there's still an intruiging story there. A strong recommendation to those who love fantasy and time-travel.

Six Underground

"Six Underground" is a tale of Kara finding herself in a new town, seemingly drawn to a suspicious bar, and then suddenly thrusted into the world of demons and possibly angels as well. On the path of healing, Kara has to deal with not only her past trauma but also this steamy new stranger, Stefan, who's bound and determined to find a way into her heart and pants. Along with the witty Luz, the mysterious construction worker, plus Luther and Dani, there's a colorful cast of characters built, each one distinct in their own way. A hint of new beginnings with a fantastical twist plus a potential steamy romance, this is a read for fantasy fans.

Till Autumn

This review is for the first seven chapters.

"Till Autumn" is a story about self-discovery in the wake of tragedy after one's self has been stifled and compromised by a figure of authority. Miles is dealing with the loss of his beloved older brother. Everyone remembers him fondly, but he doesn't, though it still affects him. As a result, his parents have decided to try and mold him into Andrew's shape, soccer, business school, the whole nine. The problem is that isn't who Miles is at heart. He's artistic, loves poetry and piano with an attraction towards the equally artistic girl from the park, Cherry. Onyx crafts an interesting, modern world, including places of significance to Miles and even Cherry. The characters feel fleshed out, like they were ripped out of our world, and as the story continues, I bet they continue to grow. Will definitely be staying around to finish the story, great job!

Lovesick

Like her previous, this yet again is an incredible display of Hollie's command of the thriller, mystery genre. The beginning is strong, presenting the reader with the aftermath of a horrific honeymoon between Hanna and, presumably, Cole, then continuing on to show what led to the events of that night. Doing so helps catch red flags and foreshadowing hints that are sprinkled about. Though the execution needs work in some ways, I do believe in not only the story but Hollie's ability to pull it off in a masterful way. Will be sitting on the edge of my seat to see what happen as the story develops.

The Way I See It

“The Way I See It" is literally how the author sees the world, the changes they want to see, the ups and downs, writing, everything. Each message has a powerful message about life, shown in a different way. There's a whimsical feel about many while others are more grounded and deep, but all of them are strong in their own right. My favorite was the one talking about writing one's story down and the ups and downs associated with such. This is another strong entry showing Bookworm's talent for poetry. Save for a few errors, it was absolutely incredible!

Creature Seers

This review is given in accordance with the first round of the MVP Awards for the first five chapters.

A new YA novel by Inkitt author, CL Brierley, "Creature Seers" is a fantasy tale unlike any other. Starring a young high school student named Ryder, you're brought into a world of mythical creatures only a select few are able to see. The author weaves a tale of suspense, proving those whimsical ideas from your childhood were anything but, while also exploring themes of mental health and coming of age. A must read for fans of "Harry Potter" and "Percy Jackson."

Dystopian High School and Then Some

Through the first five chapters:

"Breathe" is a compelling tale of a post-apocalyptic world staring the interesting Mina, first starting when her and Caleb are much older and meeting for the first time in forever, leading to their life in high school and how it built up to where it is now. There was some confusion on my part about the jump but once I dived further, it was a natural transition and the flow was great from there on. There's typical high school moments all clouded in the shroud of mystery about the world, why it's happening, the sickness, and everything in between. Mina and all the characters have distinct voices and each compel the reader to want to find out more about them because of that. I loved this when Vanessa sent me the first chapter and even more so having continued on. Can't wait to see where all this leads!

Sci-fi Epic for the Ages

The "Switch Off" is a sci-fi epic guaranteed to suck you in from the very beginning. Citizens controlled by Implants curated to make them see society as manufactured beauty rather than the world around them, they suddenly start to malfunction, leaving everyone but Switch vulnerable. It's high octane from the second chapter onward, a high quality story with a unique plot and a delightful cast of characters. Fans of dystopian novels and sci-fi in general will be captivated by the Continent and the world The Green Shoes has created. A must read for all.

Wonderful, Fast-Paced Tale

"Soren" is a great companion piece to Mary's Inkitt debut, "Spirit of Fire," though no knowledge of the prior is needed to understand this wonderful story. Luna is the neglected and pushed aside daughter of the Shadow Realm's leader, locked inside the Manor with no access to the outside world, until one day where she plots her (temporary) escape and meets the charming Soren, whom she immediately has a connection to. Mary pulls off a quick yet believable connection, a soulmate type scenario, effortlessly, and also balances the different personalities scattered about the ensemble cast. I can't wait to continue reading until the very last sentence. Such a great job!

----

Now that I've finished, I wanted to update this. Luna's take is much more than her escape, detailing the battle between good and evil, light and darkness, along with nature versus nurture. Meeting Soren was the catalyst she needed to finally discover her strength, find herself, and battle the demons of her reality along the way, he was her other half in a way, forever connected in their hearts. The shadows of the realm hold so many secrets that are effectively hinted at and foreshadowed along the way, the planning evident in every aspect of the story. Luna's tale will make you laugh and cry, scream and shout, and feel every emotion under the sun. Just like the emotions Mary effectively weaved into her narrative. Her characters make you want to root for of against them. In some moments, there was the confusion of how Luna's abilities progressed so quickly and some things felt a little easy for her, though I still wanted to read on, see how it all connected and how things would ultimately end. There were some things in need of an edit, but in the end, Mary's words speak for themselves and won't let you go until the end. An exciting tale I'd recommend to anyone. It's one of my favorites.

Absolute Must Read

Literally, I can't say enough things about Hollie and her amazing writing abilities. She's literally a queen of mysteries, able to write a huge variety with different styles in different POVs and still execute it at a high level. And "When No One is Looking" is no different. Besides her incredible writing, this is a must read for any true crime enthusiasts, for one reason being it's based off true events. She does a great job at bringing her characters to life, even through the slightest scenes. They're all distinct and unique in their own ways. She also does a great job of using her characters while also bringing to light events from the original case. While it's still a work in progress, I have no doubt Hollie will continue to do an amazing job crafting this story from beginning to end. A must read for anyone, I highly recommend it!

Heartwarming Holiday Tale to Keep You Warm This Winter

Literally, the title is so long because that's all I could think of. This is a grand retelling of a classic tale to show the untold side of Bob Crachit. You're greeted with a kind man who's soul weeped for his employer, Mister Scrooge, who was following the path of their departed boss, Mister Marley. Crachit's plea for Scrooge's soul to be saved was so heartfelt and tugged at every heartstring known to mankind and then some, the catalyst that then sends the ghosts to Scrooge that Christmas Eve. Using first person was a wise choice to further jump in his head and see all his reactions and thoughts to the events, then to his night spent with his children and the wonderful conversation he had with his wife, Emily. It was so well written and hooked the reader in from the first word to the last line. Wonderful job, Gwen, and thank you again for participating in the CC Workshop. Sorry for the delayed feedback, I really feel bad about that.

A Classic in of Itself

A wonderful twist on the classic tale of Neverland and Peter Pan, Gwen does an astounding job portraying both James and Peter Pan in their new roles. Their personalities jump off the page, breathing life into scenes and sentences. The action scene was written beautifully, showing even a sword fight could be rhythmic and almost like a dance rather than solely a rough 'n tough duel. James' backstory and his love of Tinker Bell is so well done and extremely thought out. Even the Lost Boys read as young boys. Everything about this is incredible. No doubt a new classic waiting to be discovered.

An Interesting Tale

What can I say about this story other than "wow." It was such a wild ride, though like some great roller coasters, it started out slow, but not without a few hiccups.

Mari is a woman down on her luck. No real meaningful friendships, yet another job rejection, and now she's struck on the way home from work. Though, it does get confusing during the beginning, the story hits the ground running once she wakes up in her fifteen year old body with on four days to change it all and a soul inside her journal guiding her along. It sucks you in, watching her re-live her life the way twenty-three year old her would with all the experience that came along with it. For awhile, it seemed like it would be some simple love arrow (because, let's face it, it can't be a triangle since Nate and Ryan weren't staring the same looks from each other that they were with Mari) but it so much more than that. Your typical clichés are treated and subverted with care. There were so many moments of fantastic emotions pouring out and some great detail. I really enjoyed the way everything wrapped up in a balanced bow. The attention to detail was phenomenal. It's so obvious you put your heart and soul into this, Jo.

Now, the technical aspect of your story wasn't as polished as your plot. The constant switching of tenses just throws the reader, especially during the third person beginning before it swaps into first in time for fifteen year old Mari's adventures. There were some punctuation errors along with formatting errors as well. The narrative in the beginning, especially during the Jace arc, sometimes blended together and resulted in some confusion plus the need to find the balance between showing and telling in some moments. But keep in mind this can all be fixed over time during edits. I believe in this story, Jo, and it's obvious you do as well. You'll do great things, and this is a prime example. I can't wait to read more by you. And I recommend everyone to check out "A Little Taste of Heaven" at least once.

Besides, haven't you ever wondered what you would change if you could go back in time?

The Silence is Lifted

Your writing is simply incredible, and this excerpt is yet another example of that. It starts off strong with Gray before shifting into Alieda's life as the daughter of a carved. There are hints of her past sprinkled in that I'm excited to see how they unfold from her and her family's tragic paat involving her mother and sister and to the shadowy force that attacked her. As it could have the other woman after the festival. One character I wish was developed more was Gray. He was in the first chapter but didn't appear until 14, giving the reader time to almost forget him entirely by the time he reappears. Also, was he the same one who punched that jerk Haden? If so, go him. If not, go whoever punched him. Given the aura of mystery around his character and backstory, I wish he was utilized a bit more during Alieda's fleshed out time in the village. Also, if I misspelled her name, all apologies. The beginning was a tad bit slow, but it did justice to developing her character in time for the big action boom that hit in the last few chapters. The action and suspense was handled so well in those chapters by the way. Your grammar and punctuation, like always, is flawless, and I hope your querying goes well! Here's to their story hitting shelves soon!

A Wickedly Awesome Novel

May I preface and say this book is legit amazing and just gets more amazing the longer you immerse yourself into their humongous world. Your characters from Dagon to Jessica and everyone in between are so fleshed out and feel so real from the get go with their own nuances and driving forces. Their voices so distinct, even from the very beginning. Paired with the incredible writing style and one can easily imagine them in such vivid description, like the novel is a movie playing out in one's head. With easy to followed description and an elevated vocabulary, everything flows so nicely. Even the bits of what might be described as mini info dumps work so well and don't interupt the flow or slow down the pacing in the slightest. Ones attachment to the characters form at an instant as with the novel as a whole. Once you pick it up, it's so hard to stop so you better carve out the entire day or hope your plans understand the novel distracted you from completing your to-do list for the day. Your fundamentals were near flawless, I could barely find any mistakes a side from one instance in an early chapter where ellipses were a tad overused and a few misplaced commas. Aside from that, amazing job. You're such a talented author.

Unique and Engaging

While I don't usually gravitate to Western style pieces, the excepting being the western episode of Supernatural, I found myself drawn into the world of the Willow Rise Six almost immediately. These characters are complex and entice you in different ways. Some anger the fuck out of you while others are more intriguing. Some you just tolerate. They feel like real people. The style feels just like an old western, sending me back to the days of watching Lone Ranger or Hopalong Cassidy with my grandfather. I cannot wait to read more and follow the twisty road with these characters until the very end. Amazing job!

A Must Read for Anyone

When I first saw your wall post about this, I was über excited. Something like this is what I've been looking for as someone who's dreamed about being published since i was little. This guide is so informative and has helped me immensely. One of the works I sit on the edge of my seat waiting to update with new tips and stories. The narrative voice is engaging and as someone who doesn't always read non-fiction, it's quite the treat from the usual bland style many associate with the genre. Your stories add a new depth to the guide and help immensely. I can't wait for more tips and stories. This is a must read whether you plan on branching out into the publishing world or not.

So Wholesome

While I've never read Harry Potter, anyone reading this please don't come for me, this story was so cute and enjoyable for someone with really limited prior knowledge. Your main character striving to show love for her friends and celebrate friendship on a day long made to be about lovers and couples is so great to see, and a nice spin on it all. It's a way I think Valentine's Day should be celebrated in conjunction to its love hallmark origins. It flowed so well and she got her desired outcome. Anyone from a young kid just picking up the original series to a longtime fanatic could pick up this novel and enjoy what it has to offer. There were some minor errors, but it's a first draft and didn't detract much. Awesome job!

Twisty Dark Romance

Okay, can I just say that's an intense plot twist. You left hints sprinkled about in her narrative and even in her actions, but it didn't lessen the blow once it all hit you. A true dark romance and tragedy in its own. The execution of the plot was great. I got invested in those characters, each having their own unique quirks and personalities that really shinned through. Though there were some formatting and grammar/punctuation issues. It's probably a first draft, so it's to be expected. When you do go in and edit, definitely watch the run-on sentences, adverbs, and a little too long paragraphs for sure. Also, another tip is to look at some of your verbs, some of the 'was' and 'did' or 'got' could be replaced with more descriptive verbs depending on the situation. Some verbs like 'grabbed' 'sipped' 'painted' and such. It adds more action and some of the connotations can help develop your mood and tone, which you incorporated with some of your descriptions. Some of the wording in your sentences and dialogue needed to be checked out as well, some were too wordy. With some of your descriptions as well could have been shown like 'the walls painted a soft eggshell' instead of just 'the walls were white', it could just be more of a preference, but I think it would not only help keep the attention of the readers and it flows well but eliminates some of the wordy info dump so the action isn't disrupted. It's a well done novel nonetheless and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Another thing that was good one minute and wobbled the next was your dialogue formatting since sometimes you had the comma instead of the period before the dialogue tag - which is right - and other times you left the period. I'll definitely be recommending it to anyone. Congrats on third as well!

Best Editing Resource Here on Inkitt!

When you first brought this idea up on your wall, I immediately knew this would be amazing. Especially since some sites don't catch every mistake or give the wrong advice, i definitely will recommend this to everyone. The advice is right and everything people need to read when writing whether it be cognates or structure or friendly hints. Plus the lessons and answers you have hidden in the back, it makes for a well rounded and well done reference book. Everyone needs to read this and I will continue to steer people to this books until everyone's heard it! Great job!

Pretty Little Liars meets Mean Girls and so much more

Writing a story like this is a big risk with a lot of reward, and boy have you begun to hit the nail on the head. Each character has a unique personality, though some of their goals feel under developed. Your dialogue feels so real, while your diversity of characters is reminiscent of a real life schoolyard. The murder and mayhem reminds me of Pretty Little Liars while the battle of top dogs is more like Gossip Girl and Mean Girls combined. Their little nuances like unrequited love and succeeding as a rarity in the system is not only relatable but also empowering with themes like girl power. Since this seems to be a first draft, there are minimal errors, but nothing too distracting. So glad I got to read this for the Mysfic Awards and I'll so be reading until the very last stone is unturned. Keep writing, Jordan! You're doing amazing!

Accidental Relationship

Oh my gosh, this story is so cute. The dialogue and banter is witty and awesome. It's so well written and as it progressed, you could feel their emotions jump off of the page. It's a great read and i binged it in one sitting. It needs a quick proofread but I still loved this story. It didn't distract very much. Youre such a great author

Mommy's Lil Angel

Gosh, I got goosebumps just reading this story. Your ability to craft horror and suspense is incredible. Everything about this is well done. The way you wove in Chris's backstory and even the irony of Chris's childhood compared to him currently being a surrogate parent of sorts. The action is gripping and enticing paired with the hinted mystery in each chapter of your story so far. There were a few errors, but nothing too distracting. You've got such a talent as a horror author, and as an author in general. Keep writing!

Red

I've really enjoyed what I've read so far. The action is enticing and really engaging. It hooks the readers right in, the fact the beginning is high action is something I've really enjoyed. Your female lead is a complete badass, and your first person narrative is well developed. There were a few moments where the word choice could have been better and also the formatting of the dialogue is unique to you. I understand this is unedited, and errors are okay. What counts is that your story is extremely well written and your plot is so unique and we'll developed so far. Can't wait to read more. You're such a talented author. Keep writing!

The Rise of a Luna

This story is so well done. The plot is engaging and unique. I like how both main characters have their own flaws and their own goals. I don't read many werewolf stories, and the ones I have are all the same, and I really enjoy how different this one is. The new age world overtaken by werewolves is unlike anything ive read before, and immediately hooked me right away. Your first person narrative is well developed and your swapping point of views is also done right, neither falling into the typical issues and tropes many usually do. Your dialogue sounds real, and giving the inner wolves names is a nice touch, helping further develop them. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing that hindered the story in any way. Definitely finishing this story when I have time. Curious to see if she can bring peace to the world or will she actually kill the Alpha. You're an amazing writer. Keep writing!

This Made Me Feel Things

Okay, let me start out by saying what the fuck?? Why, just why? When you said it was too late for them, I didn't expect this at all. Maybe a marriage or something else, but damn. There might have been someone cutting onions by me while I read this, not gonna lie. Your writing is gorgeous. It all flowed so well, at times even melodic. Your characters were believable, the emotions so raw. And the ending just sucker punches you right where it hurts. I love this story and will definitely be reading more by you in the future. You are so talented as an author. Keep writing!!

One Letter

I think the plot so far is quite unique. Zambia is a fresh setting for a romance novel, even a novel in general. I like how Alicia is playing hard to get since many girls just fall at the guys feets in some romance novels. Her playing coy like that is unique.

The fundamentals really need some work however. There are unnecessary spaces, missing commas, missing punctuation among others. There were some misformated dialogue. Everytime a new speaker is introduced, there is a change in paragraph. Also, the story could benefit from showing rather than telling. Detail is one of your best friends when writing and it was lacking in such. Also, if she's from the UK, she wouldn't be speaking in forms of dollars - a US currency - but rather in pounds.

I do hope this helps. Your story is promising and is good so far. Keep writing!

Without You

Holy shit! Like HOLY SHIT!!! I fucking love this story. Even if the ending made me tear up just a teensy weensy little bit. The writing style reminded me a bit of the Great Gatsby but easier to follow. Everything was obviously treated with care and the emotions flow from the story with ease. Hands down one of my favorite stories on Inkitt. It's just a beautiful story.

There were some grammatical/punctuation errors, namely missing commas. A tip, if dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag like 'he said or she said' then it ends with a comma, then the closed quotation marks and the dialogue tag with the first letter being a lowercase one unless it's a proper noun. Also, at the very end when it switched to third, maybe put it in italics because it got a little confusing. And, with the dates, perhaps bold it or something to help it stand out because it got meddled with the text and was a bit confusing at first.

This story was amazing and i hope my review helped any. Cant wait to read more books by you in the future. Keep writing!

Finding Victory

This is the perfect Halloween, autumn read. So spooky and mysterious. Once you think you have something figured out, another mystery pops up. Even the school as a whole gives off mystery vibes, even Victory's roommate, Hil. Your narrative voice for Victory is so well thought out and developed, fits her character really well. You really have a good grasp of first person narrative. Everything about this story feels so well planned out, methodically plotted. I can't wait to read on and see all these mysteries develop, and even new ones pop up. An easy binge read with medium sized chapters that fits with the scheme of it all. Very griping, keeps the reader hooked until the very end. There were a few minor errors, nothing distracting, just needs a quick once over. You're such a talented writer. Can't wait to read more. Keep writing!

Amazing!!

Okay I am totally hooked. Your prologue is so well written and gripping. The clifthangee involving Hysteria was so well crafted and left enough suspense for the reader to want to read on and was believable, not out of left field. The way you wove this together was almost poetic, your vocabulary superb. There was a sentence or two that could be worded better, but your technical writing was spot on.
A tip with the blurb, try not to make it so bunched. That much dialogue with no spaces/ that long of an intro with no spaces can get confusing, so maybe add some breaks there because it can confuse readers.
I do hope this helps. Your story is so amazing and I can't wait for the next update. You're an awesome writer. Keep writing!!

Spine Chillingly Awesome

I love this story so far. The details are amazing, so well crafted. The scenes involving her friend during the turning raised the hairs on my air, sending chills up my spine. It was so intense and well written. Especially her own turning, it was freaky but that's when you know how good it is. The concept is so unique, very interesting.
There were some punctuation errors, namely missing commas. Before a conjunction like 'but' or 'and', there is supposed to be a comma. Also, with dialogue, when the dialogue ends, it is supposed to end with a comma unless the final sentence ends with a question mark or exclamation mark.
Other than that, your story is incredible. You are such a talented writer. I can't wait for more. Keep writing!

Yuki Yuki

This is such a cute story so far. It reminds me of an anime from the names and even some of the dialogue. The concept of trying to fit in during high school, along with also adapting to change is something many people, especially people on here, can relate to.
Now, there are quite a bit of grammatical/punctuation errors. When referencing the name of a long text like book, movie, video game, play etc. you need to put it italics. There were a number of missing commas. When ending a piece of dialogue, there needs to be a comma unless the sentence ends with a question mark or exclamation point. Also, detail is your best friend. Especially if you have a lot of characters, and introduce them all at once. Try adding some descriptions about the characters, like how they look, it helps the readers keep them straight. Also try and add more detail as a whole. It'll help engage readers and build an image in their heads.
Sorry for the long review, but I do hope it helps any. You've got a good story here so far. Keep up the good work! Keep writing!

Another High School Love Story

This story has great promise. A rather unique take on the high school trope of mortal enemies teaming up for a school project - usually involving some sort of family/health class - and then they eventually put aside their differences, leading to a friendship while many turn into relationships. The names for your characters are quite unique, and your diversity shown among the characters is more representative to how a high school is. The rival schools reminds me of classic rivalries such as Soches vs Greasers in the Outsiders. I'm curious to see how this all ends up playing out. Also, the spelling bee war was extremely unique and so so funny. Unlike anything I've seen in a fictional fight. Your narrative was well done in the aspect of capturing your characters' unique voices through the narrative, especially some of the wittiness weaved in. It does feel like Chase and Blaze were telling this story to the readers.
Now, there were quite a few grammatical/punctuational issues. Mostly missing commas where there needed to be. Missing commas can change the meaning of a sentence whether you meant to or not. Not all of the issues were distracting but there was some. Grammarly is a good free tool, and I've heard it helps. Or try inserting your chapter into a Word Document, they are good at catching various issues. Also, try and add more detail/action verbs and nouns. Detail helps bring your story to life and immerse your reading into the character's world. Using some of the same words or 'bland' words over and over do not do much for the reader. Like in the fight scene, it really needed some more detail/action verbs to really spice it up and bring the scene to life. The dialogue certainly helped, but can't bring a scene to life by itself. Using words like 'punched', 'kicked' or even 'lacerated' can really help with a scene like that. Also, most private schools do not tolerate fighting, especially five in a row. If Chase is on scholarship, why haven't they threatened to invoke it if he didn't shape up? Kinda striked me as odd.
You've got extreme promise as a writer, and i really do hope this helped any. Sorry for the storybook review, but i do hope it helps any. You've got a great story brewing, and your abilites as a writer can only go up. Keep writing!

The Relic Huntress

I've really enjoyed this story so far. Through the first five or so chapters you've displayed the characters as not only memorable individuals but have also started the character growth as well. The humor you have sprinkled throughout the story, even in the prologue between Lucinda and the boy down the way, was so well placed and didn't distract from the overall seriousness of the surrounding plotline. You really have a grasp on Lucinda's narrative voice, and her interactions with different characters really speak volumes about her. I'll definitely be reading on until the end, can't wait to see how this all plays out with the Hunter and even the monster shown in her dream. There were some technical errors but nothing too distracting. Can't wait to read more. You're doing a great job. Keep writing!

I am Kasper

Okay, this book might be one of my favorites I've found on Inkitt so far. The emotions seeping from Kasper's words are so raw, so real. You can really feel how he does. And even feel for him with how shittily everyone treats him. He seems like such a sweet guy from how he treats the bird and even his interactions with Terra and her mother. I was cheering for him when he stood up for himself to the teacher when it came to failing him over being colorblind. Even the poems are superb. They add depth to the overall emotions and an extra look into his emotions and his character overall. Also, nice touch with the kitten comparison plus how his family dyanmic is similar to that in the animal kingdom. Will be reading until the end, cheering for Kasper. You are such a talented writer. Keep writing!

I am Kasper

Okay, this book might be one of my favorites I've found on Inkitt so far. The emotions seeping from Kasper's words are so raw, so real. You can really feel how he does. And even feel for him with how shittily everyone treats him. He seems like such a sweet guy from how he treats the bird and even his interactions with Terra and her mother. I was cheering for him when he stood up for himself to the teacher when it came to failing him over being colorblind. Even the poems are superb. They add depth to the overall emotions and an extra look into his emotions and his character overall. Also, nice touch with the kitten comparison plus how his family dyanmic is similar to that in the animal kingdom. Will be reading until the end, cheering for Kasper. You are such a talented writer. Keep writing!

I am Kasper

Okay, this book might be one of my favorites I've found on Inkitt so far. The emotions seeping from Kasper's words are so raw, so real. You can really feel how he does. And even feel for him with how shittily everyone treats him. He seems like such a sweet guy from how he treats the bird and even his interactions with Terra and her mother. I was cheering for him when he stood up for himself to the teacher when it came to failing him over being colorblind. Even the poems are superb. They add depth to the overall emotions and an extra look into his emotions and his character overall. Also, nice touch with the kitten comparison plus how his family dyanmic is similar to that in the animal kingdom. Will be reading until the end, cheering for Kasper. You are such a talented writer. Keep writing!

Back for You

Sorry it took me a little while to review it, got a little busy.
The concept of this story is unique, especially with what mafia books I've checked out before. Gone is the good girl who stumbles upon the bad boy who's secretly apart of the mafia, and instead is a powerful as fuck girl who doesn't take any shit, the powerful boss and owner of a hot club in New York City. In the place of a good girl is two boys back in town, old friends of Kylie. Alex is the "good boy you'd take back to Mom" the one who desires a relationship while Jackson, or Jax, would rather fuck any girl, but none of them takes the place of Kylie it seems like. I really have enjoyed this new spin with flashes of badass and girl power.
Now, there are quite a bit of grammatical errors, mostly missing commas. It's a first draft, to be expected. Maybe consult Grammarly, it has a free package and from what I heard works well. Also, there are some moments where paragraphs need to be broken up but haven't. And there seemed to be thoughts woven in with a narrative, but seemed to get confused and mixed it. Perhaps use italics to seperate it so it doesn't confuse the readers. And there were some confusing sentences, but doesn't distract too much. Try and show a little more, not tell.

But I really do like the story so far and really can't wait to read on. There's so much you can do with this story. I'm excited to see where you take it. Hope this helps any, and I'm sorry the review is so long. But you're a great author. Cant wait to read more. Keep up the good work! Keep writing!

Love and Rule

I haven't read many stories like this before but I can thoroughly say I have enjoyed yours so far. Through your development of Aurora's narrative voice, you have really shown not only how prim and proper she is, but also how strong and independent she is. Your details are exquisite, very well developed. I can picture each section of her room and castle and every bit of scenery. The characters come alive off the page. Each are well thought out, and even have i individual tones one can immediately recognize. Your vocabulary is out of this world. There were some errors in grammar and such, but nothing really distracting. It's a first draft, to be expected. Can't wait to read more of your story. You've really got talent as an author. I can see this book going places. Keep writing!

Soul Theory

Your story is full of promise. The plot is extremely unique, and very interesting. It's intriguing me to find out what happens with Shina and what Death really has planned for her. Her friendship with Machta seems so wholesome so far, and I do hope nothing breaks up their friendship.
Now, there is quite a bit of punctuation and grammatical errors plus sentence structure errors. It's to be expected in a first draft. Drafts aren't meant to be perfect. An ellipse is three dots usually appearing like '...' Or '. . .' not two dots. It's three. But with an ellipse, they are used to show breaks in dialogue or narrative, and also shouldn't be used very often. Also, if you want to show a break or pause or drifting of speech when concerning a question at the end, just put the question mark without trying an ellipse before it. That's something I've learned. Also, if you're trying to emphasize something, it also works putting it in its own paragraph. That puts extra emphasis, showing the reader that it must be important because it's by itself. But also there are other ways to show trailing of speech or other things like that by putting emphasis on other words by italicing them. Also, an exclamation mark is another tool to be used sparingly. Let your words do the talking for you, and add action, description and dialogue tags to help emphasize it. In a dialogue, from what I've learned, it's recommended to use one exclamation mark if your dialogue requires it like a shouting match or somethibg along those lines. Also, there are some missing commas and some of the ways a few of your sentences were structured created some confusion in your meaning. There were quite a few run on sentences and paragraphs improperly broken up. A good tool is Grammarly, there is a free package and it from what I heard from others is very helpful. Another tip is to contact an editor to help you through the editing process.
Also, try to show more than tell. There are very good sections of showing rather than telling, a nod to your talent as an author. Don't tell us she is mad, show us through her actions and emotions. First person narrative is a good tool to show your MCs emotions and growth throughout. Another thing, when your MC is thinking, break it off through italics or something like that because it got confusing at times.
This is a first draft, and a good one at that. Full of promise. Drafts aren't going to be perfect, and that is okay. The only place you can go from here is up, and you've got a good story ready to go up. Your plot and characters are compelling and unique. Also, the cover reminds me some of an anime style, and the way you've described Death is amazing. I can so see this as being an anime or even a movie one day. Can't wait to read more. Sorry for writing a book for the review but I do hope it helps any. You've got talent. Keep up the good work! Keep writing!

Good Start

This is a very good and promising start, especially considering English may not be your first language. There is some elevated vocabulary, some of it missused at times, but trying, making mistales and then learning from them is how you grow as a writer and also as a person too. The names Ray and Dark are definitely unique, like many before me have stated. And they seem a little bit like an oxymoron in the sense Ray seems to have suffered from a brutal past and Dark is like her Ray of sunshine, her savior. Your plot is unique with some hints at this being a story about someone being saved. I applaud you on that, will help you garner more reads. One can feel the emotion at times, but others it is lacking at times. Bringing the emotion comes with experience, but the fact you can do it early on is a step in the right direction. I do like your story so far. It however is very rushed. A person who suffered at the hands of others in the past and has a traumatic history won't trust someone very easily. But a rushed plot can detract and confuse readers. Learning pacing comes with experience, like most things do. Grammar, punctuation and word choice does need improvement. Grammarly and asking an editor for help will improve it. English is a hard language to learn, and the fact you've been able to write a story with some diversity in your word choice is good. Another thing, try show rather than tell. Show the readers how this person is feeling, show them what they're doing. And also try to use more description of how they look, where they're at and other things like that. It helps develop the story and plot but also your voice as a writer. But helps give your story life. Another thing to keep in mind, try and use more descriptive verbs, it helps lessen the amount of words which can confuse readers at times, but it helps build the image in one's head.
I hope my tips and suggestions help. You've got a great story, and some talent that will grow with experience and time. You're doing good so far. Keep it up! Keep writing!

Amazing!

I absolutely love this story. From the first page, I found myself hooked in, and kept reading and reading. This story is so delicately written with such poise, it flows like a ballroom dance. Everything is so well described and paints a picture in the readers head. Your writing style is so unique. Like a letter the recipient will never read. The emotion is so raw. Even the splatter of mystery surrounding it all from what happened with her parents to what broke them up is so intricate and gone over in such a way it feels real, and not forced like some stories tend to be. Your characters jump off the page. I love this story. There were some issues with missing commas and commas being placed in the wrong spots, but it isn't too distracting. You're an immensely talented writer, and I can't wait to read more. Keep writing!

Candyland

Through only one chapter, you've been able to create so much suspense and horror. It's astonishing and i applaud you. You've really got a graspe at writing this genre, and your writing in general is really really great. There were quite a bit of errors like missing commas, extra/repeating words and random capitalized letters. Nothing a proofread or using an editor/editing service won't fix. And it's not overly distracting. Some of the thoughts weren't clearly identified and blended with the text, however. Your story is incredible so far, and I'll definitely keep reading. You've got some serious talent as a writer. Keep writing!

Tormented

I know the story just started but I am already so hooked, and ready for more chapters to be released. Curious to see why Salem doesn't practice magic anymore, and also why she isolates herself from the people around her. Can't wait to see how her relationship whether be romantic or friendship with Leo pans out. You're doing such a good job, Cora. Your ability to write is superb. Just a tip, try to use more action verbs. Some of the places where there is an 'are' or 'had' can work just as good or better when the verb is by itself. Can't wait for you to publish more. Keep writing!

The Lost Pearl

This story shows a lot of promise so far. The characters and plot do seem unique. I don't read a lot of werewolf stories, but from what I have read, this is definitely different and unqiue. I applaud you on that. Having a unique story is a step in the right direction in attracting a lot of readers. From what I have read, there is quite a bit of grammatical, punctuation and other errors like that. Like when finishing dialogue, use a comma unless the punctuation for the final sentence is an exclamation point or question mark when followed by a dialogue tag. And using a quote inside dialogue uses the singular ' not the double dialogue one (forgot what it was called, I apologize) I suggest maybe using Grammarly or contacting someone to help you edit. Another tip, try showing more rather than telling. Developing a writing style can be difficult, but a tip is to analyze your favorite writers style and incorporate what you like about their style into yours to develop a unique style all your own. Also, nice hint of humor woven in there. You're doing a good job so far, and have crafted a good start to a story. Keep writing! You got this!

Pride and Promise

While I havent read many stories like this before, I find myself intrigued to read on after each chapter. Your narrative voice with first person really captures your heroine, Evelyn's voice quitr nicely. Your characters each seem to have carefully crafted personalities. There are a few grammatical errors and other errors like that, but it's nothing a quick once over look won't fix. It isn't that distracting though. A tip: try to show more than tell. Don't just tell us as the reader a character is such a way, but prove it also through dialogue and actions. Elaborate a bit on your descriptions at certain parts can help with that. Your story is full of promise and very good. Can't wait to read more. You've got talent. Keep writing!

Absolutely Hooked

Everything about this story feels so real. The emotions between the characters and also the dialogue. The characters are already developing and are already jumping off the page, a huge applause to you. There are a few grammatical errors but nothing too distracting. I am hooked already and can't wait to read more. Keep writing! Youre doing awesome

The Lost Queen

This story is awesome so far! The details are so beautifully written. There's a sense of mystery so far, and it compels me to read on. Your characters are written so well and just jump off the page. They feel real. Definitely going to read more by you. Keep writing! You're doing great

So addicting

This book is so addicting. From the first read, I couldn't stop reading and knew this is amazing. It reminds me so much of the TV show Friends. Each character is so unique and jump off the page. I love this book. The author gas done an amazing job with this story!

The Assassin's Beast

Your story seems really good so far. It does need some editing, mainly fix some of the run on sentences, but it's not very distracting. I'm curious to see where this goes and it's very intriguing as well. I haven't read many books like this before, but I have enjoyed yours. A suggestion, maybe add some more details in your description. Details are one of your best friends in writing. But you're doing great! Keep writing!

The Broken Pieces

I'm curious to see how this plays out. I like how you've already given the reader a look both into her past and present. It shows that people can overcome or move on from their past even if it still haunts them. Your flashback was expertly shown, but there were some tense issues along with some grammatical/spelling issues. That can easily be fixed with some editing, nothing too distracting. Can't wait to see how this plays out, you're doing great so far. Keep writing!

Elementress

This is a good start. The plot is unique and it seems like it's heading in an interesting direction. I know you mentioned there are grammatical issues in your author's note, and it does need a proofread or editor or something like that. There are quite a few run-on sentences strung together with commas along with letters needing to be capitalized and other things like that. Another tip, try to show more rather than tell. It helps immerse the reader into the story. Also, detail should be your friend. And you could benefit from more detail. You're doing good with it, but there could definitely be alot more. Again, to show the readers what's going on and to help build a picture in their head. Some of the dialogue does feel forced as well. But, you've got a good story on your hands. Ive enjoyed it so far. You're doing good. Keep writing!

Always You

Ugh, I love this story so far. I haven't got far, but I can definitely see myself reading on and finishing the book. The way you write is so melodic and poetic, with such gentle, amazing descriptions that paint a picture rather than just a scene. I can definitely see this being a tear jerker. There were some grammatical errors and other technical errors but a proofread would fix it, no biggie. You've got a great story here and I cant wait to read on! Keep writing!

Let Me Hate You

The story is interesting, and I am curious as to what direction the story is going. There are quiet a few punctuation and grammatical errors, however. Nothing a quick proofread or edit can't fix. I'm curious to see if Raina and her sister are not one in the same, I could just be overthinking it, but it makes sense to me. You're doing a great job with your story! Keep writing!

Awesome!!

You're so talented sis!! I love the story so far and can't wait to read more. It's so full of suspense. Its gripping from the first sentence. You're plot is creative. I really cant wait to read more. Awesome job!

My Valerie

I really like the story so far. Well written and your characters just jump off the screen thanks to your knack for narrative and creating dialogue. I can't wait to read more and find out more about the characters like Adrien and Valarie. There were some punctuation errors but nothing a quick proofread can't fix. Can't wait to read on. You're a great writer. Keep writing!

An Expedition of Love

I really like your novel so far. It's a really great start with an equally creative and unique idea. Never have I read a story about a female - or male - archeologist. Your characters jump off the page and you can tell who is talking simply by their personality in their speech. There are a few grammatical errors, but that can easily be fixed by a quick proofread. Overall, I've enjoyed your story so far and will definitely continue reading. You're doing great. Keep writing!

Her Hope

I really think a story like this is lacking in society. This is a real story about real struggle and you don't see many of these around on both online reading sites and even in bookstores - at least when I've looked. I've really enjoyed the story so far and I know I'll continue reading until the end. There were some grammatical and punctuation errors. Good story so far! Keep writing!

Devilish Secrets

I think this story has the potential to be great. The idea and plot definitely is creative and the beginning really lures the reader in to keep on reading. I can't wait to read more. There are some grammatical and other errors of that nature which can go away with some editing. Maybe add some more details and there are some issues with paragraph spacing but other than that, good start! Keep writing!

Brimstone

I'm about to start chapter 5 and I already love this story. I can not wait to read on and see how this all folds. I do like how she's supposed to be all powerful yet people do not already fall at her feet because it, to me, is more unique and allows room for her to grow. I'm really excited to see how the relationship between Gabriel and Kas grows and evolves throughout the story since they already seem to click so well. You're an amazing writer. Keep up the good work!

My Past and Present

The plot is definitely interesting (btw her and Collin are who I ship in the story, sorry but Dave is kinda a douche as of rn) and the way you've structured your story reminds me of a script especially with the dialogue. There are some grammar, punctuation and spelling issues but nothing some proofreading won't fix. A suggestion, maybe add some more description and action so readers can get a better feel of the characters, setting and stuff like that. Overall, nice story and keep writing!

Broken Princess

Your main character, ella, is definitely a strong female protagonist, which is great to see. Definitely breaks the stereotype of men typically being the heir in those type of situations. But your details are choppy and don't entirely flow most of the time and the action/plot at times seems like it comes completely out of left field/doesnt match up to what you have displayed early on and a lot of the dialogue seems forced and not entirely natural. There are quite a few grammatical errors and punctuation errors plus some things that wouldn't fly in the real world New York. But your story seems to have quite the following, which is great. Not really my taste in stories, but keep writing!

Good Start

I like the beginning of the novel so far. I see where you might plan to go with the story, but I think this could unfold pretty interestingly. There are some instances of punctuation and grammar issues, but nothing is perfect. Some of the sentences and paragraphs doesn't always flow and feels a little choppy to me. Some details feel a little out of place and I also caution against using the same word a few times in a paragraph/sentence because it can feel repetitive/deter some. For a first novel on here and for a beginning, it's a good start and I can't wait to see where you are going with this story.

Awesome

You're characters just jump off the screen. No chapter is ever not important, with every word counting towards some part of the plot, character development or anything. I liked the back and forth point of views with Will and Tristian (I think I spelled that right idk) and how different they are but yet still love the same girl. I can't wait for more updates, definitely going to read until the end.