Moving Story, Important Social Commentary
From the start we are presented with an interesting story that pulls the reader in. However, you don’t need the lengthy outline of the story at the beginning. Give the reader just enough to interest them. Mention Ash and Bijay and the class and wealth differences between them. Mention what will keep them apart. But let the reader find out the rest on their own.
Read the story now
It would also help to end the chapters with a bit more finality. Chapters should end almost like a book does, with a sense of completeness. Either that or they can end with a cliffhanger; stop them right when something shocking or surprising happens, prompting the reader to want to read more.
It did seem a bit inconsistent that Bijay gave in to his parents so easily when he claimed to love Ash so much. I would be more invested in their relationship if he had put up some kind of fight. Let us see him be angry and at least make some attempt to get his way, then give up in despair.
Lastly, the story could do with more dialogue. It’s more effective to use the words of the characters to reveal information than to simply state it. For example, when David and Renu are talking after the movie in chapter 10, write out the conversation they had (or part of it) about the norms of society. Give this information through what they say. Then you wont have to explain it to the reader at all, and it will seem more real to them, because it will be as if they heard it from an actual person.
Other than that, it’s a moving story that ties in societal and family expectations, forbidden love, and class divisions. It works well for social commentary, something I always appreciate that s also usually appealing to readers.