Tenwyg

Chicago-ish

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Perfectly Creepy!

Glass Corridors is a story that takes complete control. It sends your heart racing with the beautifully suspenseful descriptions, and stops it dead with each twist of the plot. Through the use of second person, careful pacing, and a chilling end, this is a little horror story is as entertaining as it is chilling!

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Very relatable, for sure!

From what I read in the first couple of chapters, the author captures the worst parts of high school perfectly. I love the voice and the main character's viewpoint. The reader instantly feels for her, but I think it would help the book better engage readers if there was more action and less expository. Not to be cliche, but more show and less tell. Especially the beginning of the first chapter, it gets hard to read as the main character explains who she is to the reader for paragraphs, when it would be much more interesting if the reader could learn who she is and what she thinks about her life by seeing her in action. You could probably cut out all the introduction and skip right to the scene on the bus, then intersperse her thoughts more through that action. It will definitely help hook readers into the book and create momentum into the following chapters.

Not to say this isn't an engaging read! A great read, if expository heavy!

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Beautiful and Deeply Relatable

I was first drawn to this story when I saw the picture of McCandless because. like Callie, it was my summer reading homework a few years ago and it is the kind of story that you either love or hate. I really enjoyed how you used his story, and the telling of Into the Wild, to create Callie's narrative. Not only did your style instantly create an atmosphere interestingly reminiscent of Krakauer's while remaining your own--with luscious imagery and a balance between past and present (in terms of the story)--but the telling of the story also resonates with me because I am Callie. And many of my friends are Callies. We grow up in this system of accelerated classes and talent programs, we are groomed and standardized and pushed over the constantly elevating bar of successfulness and it is bound to break us in one way or another. For Callie, it was anxiety, and for many other people it becomes apathy. "The Stampede" captures this idea, captures what is really inspiring about McCandless, and in beautiful, honest prose, raw, relatable characters, and engaging pacing that kept me until the end.

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Fantastic!

What a stunning read! I'm only through the first five chapters, but the exhilarating action coupled with the immersive descriptions of characters and setting and the sensitive take on relationships--from family to friends to enemies--it all comes together to create a seamless, engaging work. My only suggestion would be combing through for places you could eliminate words or combine phrases. There are places, though I've found very few so far, where the prose could be tighter.

All in all, I'm sold! Really fantastic story, you can count on me continuing. To be honest, it was hard enough to stop reading to write the review.

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Such World Building!

This is a review of the Prologue and the first chapter--

I usually think they're unnecessary and cliche, but I loved your prologue. It immediately gave a sense of epic scope and universal conflict and it introduced Alex in a way that made me want to jump into his story as soon as possible.

That being said, the first bit of the first chapter was repetitive after the prologue. It's hard to hook a reader by beginning a book with your main character sitting and musing about his future, but you do it well anyway. To do better, though, I think you should intersperse his thoughts with his actions. Keep him moving and thinking while he interacts with his world, like you do while he does his chores.

So, my critiques:

Though your world building is expansive and engaging, your writing suffers from sometimes being redundant and lapsing into wordiness. Long descriptions are lovely, but long descriptions broken into smaller paragraphs with tighter sentences and cleaner wording are more palatable. Also I feel the dialogue could be improved, or perhaps it was just overpowered by the prose and did not accomplish much.

My summary:

I was delighted by the vast world and the personality of the main character and the promise that all the backstory and plot hints suggested. This is a strong first chapter, classic for a coming-of-age sci-fi adventure in the best way possible. Take a comb through it and I think I would probably start raving about it. Keep up the good work!

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