Betty Cain

Texas

I am more mentally stable after I quit social media and opened an Inkitt account.

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Reminds me of a world in an Asimov story

Maybe I'm biased because I'm into scifi a lot but this is your best story. I wish you could expand more on it. This is just chapter one and I am very intrigued.

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Slow at times. Too fast at times.

I'm glad there is a book 2 and will start reading it right now. My only issue is with the writing style, which in turn affects the plot a little bit. The only way I can describe it is it had quite a big of unnecessary extras. I kind of rushed through them. If the writer feels these need to be there, perhaps it is the way or the moment they wrote it that seems odd. This has to do with pacing. I have that issue too so I've been working on spotting those things.

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Needs some expansion

There a bit of a lack of plot organization but it's too early to tell. The writing was subtle and inviting. Very quick as well since it's in script format. I don't think Inkitt is the right platform to attract script readers, but having worked in a related field, the script is formatted correctly.

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Gotta love zombies

Cutting to the chase, I gave the the writing style a 3 because there is a lot of what is known as "info dumping." It's very tiring for the reader. I would suggest spreading out the information through the chapters. Info dumping makes the plot structure decline because the reader has to remember a lot of information.

The setting is build well, however. I imagined the elders making clothes and teaching the younger ones. Being a fan of geography, it was nice to know about post-apocalyptic division and the formation of one government. I, myself, have written about something similar, so I was fully engaged.

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Simple and straight to the point.

This is how I like my beginnings. Your writing is very dynamic. Two chapters in and I already have questions. How did our girl get mixed in this world? How can life get worse for her? The style and grammar are not bothersome, just a few errors here and there. I didn't see too many adverbs but I would be careful with them. For example, where it says, 'I said sadly,' I would get rid of sadly because you describe her actions right after. Short, but I hope to read chapter 3.

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Draft 1 is always cray

This is so much more organized. I applaud the writer for grabbing this story by the neck and not letting it go. I could see it was a wonderful plot underneath the messy world, but now this second draft is shining. It's simple, it's descriptive, it's organized. Amazing.

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Writer follows the rules of English grammar, but now it's time to break them.

Lovely. The writing style is using the passive voice, which can be fixed with little tweaks here and there. Reads robotic at times, but the plot is what keeps this whole thing together.

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This might be your best story, Chase.

I love reading stories that are told from a male perspective; maybe it is because I'm a woman and I find everything about men intriguing, therefore exciting.

I'm not done reading yet, but having read your other stuff, I know I'll like the ending because as it is your style, it won't be sad or happy, it will be fair for the characters.

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You see your world, you live in it in your head, but you need to organize it for your guest to understand it.

I believe all of the issues here would be fixed with an outline, a time sheet, and a general summary of each chapter. Then I would get rid of characters that don't drive the story. I'm not sure I felt the writing voice. The thoughts were scattered everywhere, but that does not mean you're a bad writer. It just means there's a lack of planning.

To fix grammar and syntax is easy: just read more books.

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....And a little help from God. Nice ending.

A good writer must have an opinion and stick to it and this writer has that. I rate the plot structure five stars as it has its highs and lows and to the target audience this is an entertaining book. Knowing all kinds of Christians, they are in a spectrum of conservatism. I'd argue the more conservative ones might say that, based on the scriptures, it is unrealistic for God to turn his back on America. But this is a 'what if' story. It is more of a message from the writer to his audience.
That leads me to my next point, which would be the clear opinion of the writer. Depending on to whom this book is being catered, the conservative-Christian believes of the writer are so quick to show that the first three chapters read more like a rant, than an actual novel. If a liberal or democrat was reading this to explore a different view, it would make them feel as if their own opinions are not validated, therefore, they would choose not to listen or put the book down.
I imagine the target audience to be 35 and up, already Christians, but the word 'Christian' is very broad nowadays, so that reduces the readers to just a handful of people.
There is also a lot of info dumping throughout the book, which I can see how it can be necessary for someone who doesn't know much about American politics. However, in many occasions, when we read the background of the characters, I would spread the information and give the reader details little by little, so that we begin to form a connection with the characters.
Grammar and syntax wise, many sentences felt like they had a period where there needed to be a comma. Some ideas just ended abruptly.
I'm glad to see that Inkitt is a place where one can feel comfortable and share one's opinions, mostly from Republicans, a group I feel that lately are being mislabeled and silenced on media sources. My advice to the writer is to edit this book in a way that will generate a wider audience. Perhaps, ease us into your message after the characters have hit rock bottom by living the life that God frowns upon.
I would also not point out the character's mistake because it makes it look like the book is written from God's perspective.
For example, way in the beginning, there is a plot driving scene in the hospital. The writer states all the negative reasons why such character is in the hospital (no spoilers), but this doesn't let me generate my own opinion about the character. Most of the scenes with the president are the same way up until the end. If the writer begins by judging his own characters, then I'm not sure I can relate to them or want to be them.

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Brief and lots of dialogue but good.

I love the plot, but I do wish it had more descriptions of feelings and setting.

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Nice sci fi military story.

If you like Battlestar Galactica, you will certainly like this one. The plot is good but the characters are lacking true emotion and there's info dumping at the beginning.

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This one's better than the other one

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜»πŸ‘πŸ˜˜πŸ‘πŸ˜ΉπŸ‘Šβ˜ΊοΈπŸ˜ΉπŸ‘±β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜»πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜˜πŸ˜‚β€οΈβ€οΈπŸ˜πŸ†πŸ†πŸ†

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It sucks

This book is crap. Don't waste your time

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Arising concept

Lately, I've seen a lot of videos that explore similar ideas. What if the British won? What if the South won? What if we lost our second amendment? Lots of creators are being inspired to do that and I wonder if it is because there's a lot of widespread hate for America within American Universities.
I gave the plot a 3 because it's not much of a plot but an observation or description. Nevertheless, something worth exploring.

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Book 2 is more enjoyable

I have to say the plot of book 2 didn't drag me in as much as book 1 but I think that because the author knows these characters well, they were able to deliver a better feel for this world overall. Let's see what happens next, beyond the walls.

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1 Chapter

I can't generate much of an opinion about the plot but the writing is very good.

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Well structured plot

As a fanfiction, readers know what to expect: a familiar story with a twist, and this story has that. The issue for me was at the beginning. It was just a bit expected. I was hoping for an immediate bang that would submerge me into it. Instead, I got that later and that's why I gave the plot 4 stars. If I was to change this, I would give readers something they never knew about Odile in the first 5 paragraphs; something the original story missed. The grammar is very good. Few redundancies in the writing style here and there but nothing that threw me off the plot.
Overall, this is a binge worthy book. Good thing I'm on vacay.

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Poetry is not my thing so I might not be the best reviewer...

I admire poets, but at the same time, I don't mess with poetry. Since I could remember, I've always had trouble identifying metaphors, similes, and understanding sarcasm. Even in my writing, I have a tendency to take the literal approach. I'm not sure if I'm just not creative or if it's the result of a lack of exposure.

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Just take 5 stars, just take it!!!

I MAKES SENSE NOW! I will never look at Snow White the same EVER EVER!!!!! I'm reading like, 'oh, good good,' 'hey, nice twist,' 'oh alright, let's see, next chapter,' 'hmn, okay okay,' 'wait...wait...no...what?...but...QUE? OMG.' This is hella good ya'll.

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As a heteroπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

This is the first book I read about same sex love. It's very different from your typical love story, but at the same time it shows that people's feelings are very similar when falling for someone. Can't say anything bad about voice or grammar. It flows and transitions very well. If this is a fist or second draft, damn!

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Bang!!!

Not many writers get that you need to start with a hook that will keep the reader's head stuck on the book. This book goes bang in the first sentence of the first chapter and it keeps you going. Just so you know, if you get past the description, you must develop a thick skin for what is coming.

The writer uses the passive voice a lot which can be fixed easily. That's why I gave it a lower rating.

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As a hetero πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I will keep this one here. 🀣🀣🀣 Thank you for the reply

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Very real plot.

The plot made me feel like it was something out of real life as if it was a recollection of events that happened to a real person. I wish the author was more relaxed with their writing. It seemed like they were trying to explain every single detail that went through their minds. It's okay to let the reader imply or guess what is going on through the dialogue. The grammar is fine but the syntax needs more structure.

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Hooked on the title and description.

The plot structure of this book is very good. I appreciate it when writers break the rules and enhance their creativity. I do wish that the writing had more detail so that I can begin to have deep feelings for the characters. A writer must have an opinion even if it's opposite to the reader's opinion and I have not seen it here.
I'm sure if you edit and expand more on your world, your pacing will be incredible. But hey, I am notorious for doing the same thing. I'm always fast paced because I'm scared the reader will be bored but it's all about the words you use to catch their attention.

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Hmn...

I feel like there's a hidden meaning to all of this. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I like to read so I finished it.

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Great start

I'm only on chapter 1 right now but I want to say that the beginning dragged me in very quickly.

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Very Unique

I can tell the writer worked really hard on this book. It was very long but that's what you would expect from the description. I would have been disappointed if it was brief.

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Nice little short story

Few redundancies here and there, but otherwise, I enjoyed this little story.

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I love sci fi

Beginning is a bit slow, but then it gets interesting.

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Good writing

The writing is incredibly smooth. Nice to find a book that doesn't start in a boring way.

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A custom made bitch

Look, I write about sex robots all the time and love reading about them. What can I say? I love it. Chapters are kind of long but it's kind of expected of sci fi.

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...Most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

If it was 1856, the beginning of this book would have me hooked, but in 2019, 3 pages of a werewolf encounter makes it just another werewolf book. But hey, I've made that mistake every time I've started writing a new book. The beginning is always boring because it's just the writer getting into the world. When you get farther in, that's when things get faster and more creative and all characters are actually extremely likable. The author's style, grammar and syntax are the best things about this book. It's readable, descriptive and not in your face and that's good enough to me β€”not too simple, not too flowery. The blurb of the book does have a lot of grammar issues, but I believe anyone who begins Chapter 1 will enjoy it and thank the writer for the mythical feel that come with his or her words.

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The plot is a winner!

I have nothing bad to say about the plot. Yes, you got your typical mythical creatures, but it's all part of the genre. The writing style starts weak, but after chapter 3, everything flows like you won't believe is the same person writing. That in turn, begins to help the punctuation. In my experience it seems that in those first few chapters, the author is trying to find himself or herself or trying to figure out what he or she really wants to do with the characters.
What I like the most about this book is that it starts with a bang that drags you in. There is a balance between action and dialogue and the overall work gets a thousand times better after chapter 3. I have many questions that hopefully will be answered as the story progresses.

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Lovely

I wish there wasn't so much background info.

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Good little story

I enjoyed binge reading this on my free day

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Good stuff for a rushed work

Author did say it was all rushed. Short and straight to the point

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Free of dumb clichΓ©s, fresh story.

Writer, let me lay my cards on the table β€”your blurb or description of this book as of June, 2019, is bringing your story down.
The thing that got me hooked were the first four paragraphs of chapter 1. Kudos to you, not many authors can do that.
That description though...lol

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You're, your, their, they're

This story was a fun read overall. It's a cookie cutter romance and I enjoy that. The characters are full of good flaws and each one has his or her own voice. The writing style is probably the best thing about this book. Nevertheless, the main character, Kat, is so unlikeable, I had to rush through her lines. She is a confused, immature brat who thinks she is in love with everybody and complaints about being treated like a child, while enjoying all kinds of attention. Although she claims to have a life, her main hobby is being obsessed with her brother's best friend. She also enjoys being mad at him and pushing him away while at the same time, expecting his complete sincerity and loyalty. To prove this further, she will point out every time he is being truthful as a reward for his honesty.
The sentence structure was good, but the easily fixable grammar mistakes became too distracting. I'm always okay with typos, but it can't be a typo when every time a character describes someone, the writer types "your," "their," etcetera, instead of "you're," "they're." Likewise, when a character describes possession, the writer types, "you're," "their," etcetera, instead of "you're," "they're."

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