Psycho

The Illogic is here to make you happy with its books, and I certainly will try to please your eyeballius-jiggiums.

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Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

A curious and clean, although confusing, start

I have to say that you have a very good style when it comes to detailing things. You're clear and concise and straight to the point. I also appreciate when someone doesn't say something directly to the reader but gives enough details for them to figure out the big picture on their own, such as a certain group of maids and wry-smiled girl. Just enough information for what was needed.

There's also the details in movement and impacts for characters and their actions. Much like what I just said, you give us a proper picture of what a character looks like and just enough details for us to figure out the rest on our own. That's a very important thing to have in a story. We need to be able to distinguish characters, especially recurring characters, from the common rabble. Don't be afraid to emphasize certain aspects of that character when they perform actions or to detail a scene a little more. Provided it's important.

The fighting in chapters 3 and 4 were also well done. A good dance of bruising, and we know immediately what each character can do by the commentary. It tells us not to judge someone just by their appearance, even in a tournament. ESPECIALLY in a tournament.

Then there's the subtle implications that the world is MUCH more vast than what we're seeing. I absolutely ADORE this sort of thing. It's subtle world-building, implying that we might learn of or see more of these places maybe later in the story or in another book, but even if it's just flavor text, it still gives more life to the world. Albeit a tiny flicker.

I also have to say that I'm surprised to have found no real spelling errors. A misstep or two here or there with missing punctuation or an extra punctuation which I only found in chapter 3 regarding two question marks. I'm quite impressed.

Now, for the problems. They are few, but there are instances where you 'overdetail' something and it renders the picture confusing, such as the warden leaning against the desk. I see what you were trying to do, but lighten the scene. You did it well afterwards, so I'm guessing this is a leftover from previous attempts, or you were just experimenting.

There's also the massive paragraphs, but I'm sure you already know of those (And they're very easy to fix). There's also a line of dialogue melded into a paragraph, in chapter 2 or 3 I believe.

Dialogue is also a bit troublesome. There are times where I've forgotten who is talking since there's no association. Don't be afraid to do add actions or details to the conversations. It adds life in the exchange and avoids the 'Talking Head Syndrome' trope. It's not necessary EVERY single time, but it does help A LOT with reading.

My one true gripe is that I don't know what the story is. I know fully what you're doing, so this is just a writing style. No qualms there. Two different scenes occurred between the pairs of chapters, which is why I'm kind of confused, especially with the sudden transition in locations between chapters 2 and 3.

Aside from the transition, the rest just feels like a case of 'reading it the second time after reading the full story unlocks its secrets' since I'll know everything needed to, and nothing will seem confusing afterwards. It's good because that entices readers to read through a story again with their newfound knowledge.

Still. Try and avoid the transition jumping. That's a big problem.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

A great start to a potential series

We already have established characters at the start of the story, although they still have much room to be built upon. While one such character seems odious, it fits with how people of his stature were seen as during the time period akin to our own olden ages.

I am eager to see what comes next, as characters like Demeter and Odium look like the kind whose moralities, although opposing, would cause them both to be at each other's necks during very 'weighty' situations when choices have to be made. Both want to act for their own perceptions of good, but which one is right and which one is wrong?

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