Tommy2598

Cedar Hill

22 years and an old soul. I love the setting of historical time periods and the timeless genres of romance and mystery. I hope to keep classic writing alive in these modern times :)

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Philosophical horror (aka the best kind)

First I just have to say that I am not usually a horror reader, so the fact that I found myself interested in this is in itself a sign of your talent as a writer. Now as for the actual review...

The greatest enemy humanity can ever confront is our own mind, and you've done an excellent job of portraying that. Whether the events taking place are literal or all occurring in the narrator's mind, or a combination of the two (and I could see it being any of those), it is a fascinating narrative with wonderful description and detail. I can actually picture all these warped dystopian things occurring, like something you might see in a movie. Now as this story looks like it's just getting started, it's okay that the plot isn't too well developed yet. We know that this person has a very personal connection with a "him" who has not been named, but we can conclude that he was very close to the narrator, and whatever happened to him may be part of the cause of the protagonist's dark visions while on the bus (which also seems to hold special significance to them). Other mysteries would include why the city is abandoned, what role the monster-like creatures from chapter 3 are playing in the story, and of course, what happened to this "him", and how to explain the protagonist's lurid visions. Again, I would not be surprised given how philosophical and deep this story is if it was all in his head, a mental prison that he keeps himself trapped in, unable to break free. But either way I am now intrigued and wonder what will happen next, so well done!

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Well written

Even though the werewolf genre is not my cup of tea personally, there is a lot to admire in the way this book is written. The author's use of description and imagery is very impressive, and I actually forgot that she wasn't a native English speaker/writer. This novel is honestly one of the smoothest I've ever read in terms of grammar and language. It flows very well. There are a lot of elements at play here: romance, status, power, political alliances, and of course, deadly secrets. The author does a very good job of creating tension between the characters and building suspense. In the pack of imitators, this stands out for the attention to detail by the author. You'll love this book if you love Twilight or werewolf romance fiction in general.

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Reminds me of Rick Riordan's YA novels

I love the way you've written this, it reminds me of the Percy Jackson series in the best way, with the witty, sarcastic banter of the characters, the crafting of an interesting and complex mythological lore, and the characters having powers inherited from godly parents. But make no mistake, it's unique and original in its own right. Your descriptive writing is amazing and really made me feel like I could picture the scenes happening. I'm fascinated. by the relationship between Algea and Seth, and I can't help but wonder how Seth will handle the mythological world. I've read every chapter sl far and I'm really lookimg forward to seeing where you go with it. Keep up the great work!

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Philosophical Thriller

Your writing style is one of the calmest I have ever read. It comes across as so smooth and relaxing, while still delivering emotional impact whenever needed. I love how the narration and dialogue feels like something from a old school, or even Victorian novel, even though it's set in modern times (or relatively modern at least. At one point you mention that two years ago it was 2000, and at another you mention the high price of cell phones, so I am assuming it is happening in about 2002-ish, though I could be completely wrong about that). The concept of the family having supernatural / time travel abilities also gives this story a sci-fi bend, which I think is really cool, and you did well to build up the family lore through the journals. And through all this, the protagonist is still worrying about normal teenage things like going to a dance with a boy she likes. It just shows how she is trying to live in two drastically different worlds at once, and that's where the tension comes from because you just know at some point it's all going to collide. It's really well written and I can't wait to find out what happens next.

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Excellent backstory

This book is a story about a young woman with a troubled past. A tragic event has seemingly caused her own parents to turn against her and her brother, treating them less like their children and more like unwanted chores. The author has done a very good job of portraying a disfunctional family in a realistic light. I am very curious to find out how things got as bad as they did, and I have a feeling the more of Anna's backstory is revealed, the more insight we will get into this.

There were some grammatical issues, and some of the sentences could be phrased more concisely and formatted better. However, these are issues that can be resolved through the editing process. The core concept of this story is very good, and the narrative is plain spoken and relatable. You have a lot of potential, so keep it up!

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Chilling

I should preface this by saying that horror is not a genre I am usually into (whether it be books or films), and this is only the second horror story I have read on this site. With that said, I also have to say that the author's writing is amazing. They've really captured the essence of the genre with their chilling, suspenseful, and gruesomely detailed magery. In my mind I can just picture that baby crawling towards me at an inhuman speed, mouth opening to take a chunk out of me while I desperately try to escape. It's enough to give one nightmares, or at least think twice next time you see a seemingly adorable baby. The author has even managed to invoke claustrophobic feelings by having them inside a sewage pipe, which adds another layer of anxiety that is sure to keep your heart rate up. This book really has it all. And the writing, as I mentioned, is clever and well thought out, not relying on any cheap gimmicks. If you love horror, you will love this book.

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Has potential

There are some typos and grammar issues, but for the most part I could tell what you were trying to say, and some editing could easily correct that. I love your writing style and the setting of this story. Your imagery really brought the scenes to life. and I'm intrigued by the love story and how the characters will develop. So far, it's a good start considering there are only two chapters. I'm interested to see what happens next!

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Amazing writing

The plot of this book may fall into a well-worn niche (college student x professor) but you managed to make it your own. I love your writing style. The way you describe your characters and imagery is very professional. I found myself immersed in the hectic world of Jen's college life. Even little details like the emails show the increase in tension between the characters. I'm looking forward to reading more and seeing where you go with this :)

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Unique

I wasn't sure exactly what kind of book Ness was going to be at first, and after reading every chapter you've uploaded so far, I still don't know if I can pin it down. That isn't a bad thing. This is definitely one of the most unique stories I have ever read. You clearly put a lot of thought and detail into the character of Ness, her state of mind, her appearance, her mannerisms, her emotions. You have really brought her to life in a wonderful way. The plot thus far almost resembles a superhero orgin story, but it is presented in such a unique and clever way that it doesn't feel like a knock-off. The way Ness obtains her abilities is very interesting and not like any other story of this type that I've encountered. The imagery is fantastic, and don't even get me started on the talking snake haha. Ness is not the kind of book I would normally read but your writing style and descriptions drew me in and kept me interested. I'm intrigued to see how she will deal with the harsh reality of facing the world with her new appearance and abilities. I'll definitely continue to read, so keep it up!

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Dickensesque

This story reads like a lost Dickens novel. Whether it's the fact that it takes place during Christmas, or the Victorian England setting and language, it reads exactly like a classical novel from the time period it is set in. The descriptions and dialogue are so eloquent that it takes you to another world, a magical world of old-school fantasy and adventure. The character arcs are another lovely touch of historical accuracy. From the redemption of the Trilby brothers to the coming-of-age of Eddie to the heartwarming stories of lost souls Sam and Chloe, this story honors timeless literary tropes and provides a refreshingly wholesome narrative of love overcoming the barriers of even death itself. Dickens and Austen and all the other classic 19th century authors would be very proud of this piece I suspect. I for one am so glad that I read this. By the end, my eyes were watering, such was the emotion of it. I wish there were more stories like this on Inkitt and in the writing world in general. You're so talented. Please do keep writing :)

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Pretty good start

The book reads like a slice of life drama, and I like the way the author was able to give the characters unique personalities, which many writers struggle to do in this kind of story. The use of cliffhangers keeps the reader curious about what will happen next, and the dialogue is realistic for what one would expect of a college drama. It's too early to say on plot and character development (as of now, the characters seem a bit black-and-white, but that's normal as typically complexity is introduced later so this isn't really a criticism yet), but just going off what has been written so far, I like where its going and I hope the author keeps it up.

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Underrated

I assume this story is ongoing because it doesn't say otherwise, but even as a one-shot, it works perfectly because in one chapter, we see everything from a woman grieving the loss of her partner to trying to comfort her daughter, Sara, as they try to figure out where to go from here. If it is an ongoing story, I definitely look forward to the updates to see where this story goes. It certainly is not going to be easy for them to put the past behind, but they are resilient, and they are determined to keep his spirit alive. This chapter mostly plays on very dark, depressing emotions of grief, loss, and despair, but there is also a sense of hope. The characters are portrayed realistically, especially little Sara's views on her father's absence, and their interactions will absolutely break your heart and (hopefully) put it back together again. The descriptive writing of the emotions being felt is top notch, I really felt immersed from the first sentence. I recommend this to anyone, the writing will touch your soul.

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Good start

This book introduces a cast of characters called the Payne family who, despite their idyllic appearances, have dark secrets in their past which may have come back to haunt them when Mr. and Mrs. Payne wind up dead. It is a tale of drugs, corruption, murder, and the quest of the deceased parents' five children for the truth. The author does a good job of bringing their characters to life by giving them distinct personalities and backgrounds. The writing is a realistic portrayal of a dysnfuctional family. While the actual detective work has yet to begin at the time I am writing this, I can say that this story has potential and I hope the author will continue.

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Short yet intriguing

I'm not sure if this is a one-shot or an ongoing story, but honestly it could work either way. The cliffhanger at the end was very dramatic and it makes you wonder whether Richard has truly gone mad. Or perhaps he is actually devious and calculating by luring his friends out into the woods and showing them this bloody box before he...what? Cackles maniacally? Starts hunting them down right them and there? Laughs it off as a joke? That's what's so interesting about this, I could see it going so many different ways. The only thing I would say is that you could try to clean up some of the awkward phrasing that occurs at times and that would make it even better. Overall though, it is a very good short story that gave me chills, well done!

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Good slice-of-life novel

Writing slice-of-life style romance is very tricky to pull off because a lot of the tension is inevitably going to be internal, so the characters and plot must be compelling in order to keep the reader's interest. In this respect, you've done very well. I empathised with the emotions of your protagonist and I truly got the sense that could be a description of a real life high school relationship, drama and all. The implication that Sasha is not so innocent in what occurred between her and Aiden also makes me understand his point of view, and it makes me want to know more about how she angered him. So overall I would say you have done a great job so far of building suspense and drama, and I'm curious to see how it ends.

The only thing I would say is that there were some grammatical issues and awkwardly worded sentences, but those can be cleaned up by editing your chapters, and it doesn't take away from the story. Just try to do a little more proofreading in the future. You are a very good writer and I love your use of metaphors to describe feelings, it just needs a little bit of polishing. Other than that though, it's a an interesting and engaging story so far. I look forward to seeing where it goes. Well done!

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Great summer read

This is a story that in some ways defies genres. It starts as a classic slice-of-life contemporary fiction, moves on to a beach fic that recalls the teen beach movies of the 90s, then a few chapters in, it suddenly takes a suspenseful turn that flips the plot on its head and gives it a dark undertone that you probably wouldn't have expected after reading the first chapter. The contrast between this shadowy, foreboding presence and the breezy, irreverent tone of the protagonist ks what makes this story so intriguing. You can really feel her becoming overwhelmed by a trip that was supposed to be a typical teen ode to the beach, boys, and freedom as it quickly becomes more tham she bargained for. The cast of characters is just as lively and entertaining as the narrator and they'll always keep you on your toes. Honestly I could see this working as a mystery, a comedy, a romance, even a thriller. Your writing style is perfect for this story, it's funny at times and suspenseful at others. I can imagine these being the exact thoughts of a teen in this situation. I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out over the next few chapters, and I would definitely recommend it to others.

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Top class mystery-romance fiction

If you like romance and mystery, and the combination of the two, or even if you are just looking for a compelling plot and cast of characters, I would absolutely recommend this story. Each chapter will leave you anxious to read the next and find out what happens. The writing style is enthralling and I look forward to reading more.

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