Vienna

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Great Story, but what time is it?

Honestly, I love your story, it's original, it doesn't show the human race in a post-apocalyptic world, where we are thriving as a species. As your story puts very well, even Utopia has its enemy, not everyone holds the same ideal. If you ever get this published as an actual story and it gets on the New York Times' Best-Selling list, I would say you would deserve it. By the way, there are several flaws I would hope you can address. One, as a whole, there is no sense of time, you can see each chapter as an individual day, but major events such as a the burning of the first city and its reconstruction have no set time. You never state how long between certain events have occurred. Other than that, you should tell your readers (Who should love this story and give you a fan club I might add, but I'm just a crazy reader who is in absolute awe.) more about the various cultures and city-states, who are in power? Do the cities vote on a mayor, council, do they elect leaders only when they must? Are they advanced with electricity in some form? Do they have oil lamps? Do they carry wooden torches covered in pitch? What ideals do they prize? Are they violent, do they cooperate well with other cities, do they trade? Do they want to dominate? How much more unique are they from the next city over? What is their culture? Do they have a military society due to the constant threat of attack? Do they place more emphasis on music and literature since they thrive? Who are they as a people? Who are they as individuals? Adding this in may help you shape your story, and give the readers more to think about as to how their city and its people will reflect on the character. Reminder: I'm your biggest fan!!!!!!!!!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great Story, but what time is it?

Honestly, I love your story, it's original, it doesn't show the human race in a post-apocalyptic world, where we are thriving as a species. As your story puts very well, even Utopia has its enemy, not everyone holds the same ideal. If you ever get this published as an actual story and it gets on the New York Times' Best-Selling list, I would say you would deserve it. By the way, there are several flaws I would hope you can address. One, as a whole, there is no sense of time, you can see each chapter as an individual day, but major events such as a the burning of the first city and its reconstruction have no set time. You never state how long between certain events have occurred. Other than that, you should tell your readers (Who should love this story and give you a fan club I might add, but I'm just a crazy reader who is in absolute awe.) more about the various cultures and city-states, who are in power? Do the cities vote on a mayor, council, do they elect leaders only when they must? Are they advanced with electricity in some form? Do they have oil lamps? Do they carry wooden torches covered in pitch? What ideals do they prize? Are they violent, do they cooperate well with other cities, do they trade? Do they want to dominate? How much more unique are they from the next city over? What is their culture? Do they have a military society due to the constant threat of attack? Do they place more emphasis on music and literature since they thrive? Who are they as a people? Who are they as individuals? Adding this in may help you shape your story, and give the readers more to think about as to how their city and its people will reflect on the character. Reminder: I'm your biggest fan!!!!!!!!!

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