Authors can write or upload their manuscripts on Inkitt based on our guidelines.
Readers can read those books for free and give feedback.
No published stories yet
It's great to read your writing again, Chadwick. This is actually the first self-contained story things I've read of yours, and now you've left me wanting more, you cad. :) I've got a little feedback, but I ain't no writerman, so just take it with a grain of salt:
- Gramm is a great character, love hearing his observations about the world and his take on it.
- The sentence "Oberon, The King Afield, Oberon Prodigal, had a..." was a bit confusing. I couldn't tell they were titles, or separate people until getting more context. Maybe introduce his titles a little slower for people like me.
- The battle proper felt like it started too quickly. I wanted some more of Gramms observations right before the two armies collided, like talking more about the charge and seeing the whites of their eyes, etc.
- The fight with the trash mobs was spectacular, and I loved the gory details.
- I felt that the Angaari deserved his own paragraph for his description, perhaps after the "deepest, darkest hell" line. It could use a bit more description, I thought. I also have to admit that I was afraid that it was going to be a werewolf and rape our poor hero to death (still a bit scarred after that btw haha).
- The final boss fight and ending were killer, and probably the best part of the story. The Oberon is man, and not elf? What wackiness is this? It left me wanting more, and that was probably the intent. Does this story take place in your bigger fantasy universe you were working on at ISU?
Great job, dude. Keep on writing, and send me more!
No badges received yet