Alan Edward Brickett

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First chapter review as from the request in the group.

I’ve always thought that writing a story from the first person perspective is difficult, it is a challenge to keep up the personality while drawing in the reader. You got it right and his personality comes across well to the reader, which doesn’t disconnect the prologue.

The opening sentence is a good one, a lot of books use it, but you carried it well into the following paragraphs. I like that you used italics in a good way, you kept up a personality from the first person perspective and you drew me inside his head.

It would appeal to a genre of readers of course, but I wouldn’t see that as a problem. The reference to what would happen to the child by the priest is perhaps a little too unclear but I see that you are trying to keep the story under a certain level of bearable horror. Your choice but I would add some more connotation.

You have the plot, names and setting, develop organically, that’s better than spelling things out. The reader can dive in with their imagination and follow the story. I like that. The chapter was absorbing, it ended on a high note and would keep a reader interested in learning more.

In summary, great opening chapter.

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