Aliah Dorene Wright

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Nicely done!

Loved your dialogue - I'm a huge fan of dialogue that propels a story forward. Your writing is really wordy though - I'd cut back on some of the cliche's and come up with your own turn of phrases though, but overall, it's a good story - I howled at the end when he had to find a piece of hay in a stack of needles. Nice touch - hey good luck!

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