For the reader…
Read the story now
This adventure has plenty of action. For once, it’s the girls who have the upper hand. Quite rightly so!
The twists and turns that you think are expected, make you think again. An enjoyable tale that won’t disappoint the avid reader of this genre.
To the author… dwolf24
I liked the fact that you were writing in the third person which nicely interacted with the dialogue throughout. The pace of the story flowed but could have picked up the pace in places. With practice, adding similes together with sounds and smells will add further imagery for your reader. I know it sounds weird, but when describing a bruise, you could have suggested how many days it would have taken to heal by the colour of the bruise and expanded on the pain endured. The sound of her sister creeping into the room and perhaps the smell of the flavour of the snack the little sister had just eaten perhaps. These examples are from chapter 1, but I still wanted to read on; to the end.
Overall, I saw a great deal of creativity here, but I would also have liked to have had a description of the characters. Added intimately by a character’s observation of what the other characters looked like, how they were dressed and how they felt towards them. This will allow your reader to draw the picture from your words in their minds. By the way, following 😊