Artican11

Pieces of the world

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Good job!

I enjoyed this book, it's simple and calming. I love nature and so far I enjoyed the theme. The words are appropriate to give a glimpse of one moment in the nature's world.

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Excellent story!

You understood the story and its need very well. Which is why the choice of the writing style from first person narration that matches the character's own personality and traits. Also, you kept the interest going and attention locked on the whole story. Good job

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Cool concept

It's a good concept and what it needs a good fluid writing. Keep up the work and you will have that under your belt in no time.

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Seasoned writer

I think the best thing about this story is its writing style. The writing style can bring out the emotions in the scene. The plot is great but the execution is greater. For anyone who likes rebellion/revolution type stories, this is a fantastic one with professional touch. I really like books in this genre so that's a plus for me.

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A new experience

I don't read books from this genre so this was a new experience for me. I liked the opening chapter and I see no issue with grammar here. I think you have an advantage of using the first person narration and you should explore it more. You can make live commentary of the thoughts going on in her head and can choose to be more brash about it. After all people are most honest in their mind. Also I think you should send subtle hints of things instead of explaining them. Like Ali's boyfriend issue- don't say how it is in the beginning but provide ample hints and leave it to the reader to realize that. You have strong command in the writing flow so good job.

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Experienced

You are obviously a seasoned writer. Or perhaps you are just naturally gifted. I haven't read the full story yet but from the direction you are taking the story and the kind of narrative approach you are taking, it's going really well.

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You got the spirit!

It's been a while since I came across such writing so I am happy. Keep up your vision and follow it. Don't let others taint your idea.

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