A Good Start
The bones of this story are good. I love that the story is about family, but find it disjointed and not connected well in most parts. The back and forth between Henzel's point of view and 3rd person point of view is unnecessary and confusing. And then in Chapter 19 another point of view is added, only adding to the confusion. I find that when there's more than two main points of view needing to be communicated effectively, sticking to 3rd person is the most effective and easiest for readers to understand and interpret.
I'm also not exactly sure what the major plot point is yet.
Is it just a story about familial love? Is it just a story about growth? Change?
Henzel is seventeen, but often comes across as younger, but this fits with his character since he's the baby of the family and is treated as such.
Henzel being sent to school in Saudi Arabia seemingly comes out of nowhere. I feel like I only know superficial details about all of the characters and not the intimate details that really bring a character to life.
There are numerous grammatical errors - mostly disagreeing verb tenses - but they don't take away from the ability to understand the story.
Read the story now