I greatly enjoyed this story. I appreciate that you are able to use descriptions that are uncommon enough to grab the reader's attention and keep it throughout the story. I am highly interested in continuing to read this story, so I hope that you publish more of it! I do hope that your future chapters are quite longer though. Even though the cliff hanger was clever, I feel that the build up to it, while mounting to a climax, could've been greater. Perhaps you should try describing John's pain and existence right now? There's a lot of context you could put in the chapter right now, but make sure that you don't overdo it and overwhelm future readers. Thank you very much for writing this piece, I greatly enjoyed it and I hope that you continue it!
Read the story now