Belle

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Ruined!

I love the dialogue and I can really connect with the main character because of how lost she feels in her life. You describe things beautifully and I can really picture what's going on throughout the story! The dialogue to me is very realistic and the banter between Mia and Athena is cute. Except when Mia says Alcholol! No one says that haha say Captain Morgan/some kind of Vodka/some type of liquor. The men in the story seem like little punks/borderline creepier. I hate them all right away. Will they be redeemed?
The only thing that would deter a reader is sometimes you use the wrong words or the phrase is jumbled up. For example, when you say in Chapter two, "A small bar is set up near the entrance and I'm handed a drink by a very tall guy, his eyes are running up and down me."
It should be: "I notice a small bar is set up near the entrance as I'm handed a drink by a very tall guy who's eyes linger a little too long as he looks me up and down." It doesn't have to be exactly like that, but the flow is very important to be attached to the story.
Also, word repetition can get boring if you overuse some words. I'm not saying only use it once, but if it's three or four times in a paragraph, readers can't picture the scene in their head or really understand her feelings. I noticed you use different a lot and there are better ways or words for that. Saying she feels different or out of place is a perfect time for a flashback or information as to what happened in her life and how she got to this point.
I got attached to the story at the very end! So I will definitely be continuing :) (Sorry if this is too long, but I really want people to succeed and if I can help you improve I'm happy to help)

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Overall Rating
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Grammar Punctuation

Haunting Past

I thoroughly enjoyed the plot and characters, but I wanted just a little more dialogue/actions between them with that conveyed more detailed emotions! The plot was great, but it was sometimes hard to follow or get attached because of repeating of certain words or what that person was doing. For example the perfect girl was repeated a little too much and I really wanted her name instead. I think you have an incredible story, but need to go back and check for the errors! Grammarly does wonders! It’s helped my writing a lot, but I still struggle with a lot of stuff. I have one suggestion is all, the chapters were a little long for my taste and in my personal opinion I like when their between 1000-1800 words. But sometimes people like long ones and some people don’t lol.
I will definitely continue reading because each chapter got better and better. I could really tell how much your writing improved as the chapters went on :) I can’t wait for the next update :)

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Grammar Punctuation

Dark Shadows

Super cool concept! I love the characters and their interactions. It's super cute and very addicting. The only thing that will deter the reader is the missing punctuation. For example, in the beginning, she when she says:
"Morning Grams" Blair shouted... It should be "Morning Grams," Blair Shouted... I believe if you go back and edits a few of the mistakes it will flow a lot better in the readers' minds. Overall, I really did enjoy the story and will continue reading it :)

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