Caleb Tucker

Cape Town

I write for fun, love poetry and gaming. I write fictional fantasy and Sci-Fi. I am a also a voracious reader and my favorite authors are J. R. R. Tolkien, J.K Rowling and Orson Scott Card.

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Gripping (I want more!!)

This is a very interesting plot with captivating characters and what appears to be a potentially great book. Unfortunately despite those positive facts the book is rather lacking in grammar. The author cannot seem to decide which tense the book is in and is constantly using present and past tense in the same sentence. This could be fixed with some help. I look forward to reading more and thank Sarah Chor for writing this piece!
Please finish the story!
Caleb Tucker

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Lovable Story

This story is very touching but also lacks a little in one or two places. Firstly, a six year old child does not quite think like Zoe does. I feel that Zoe should only be able to focus rather simple emotions at each moment. The next thing is the spider, Esmeralda, she is a nice character but her dialogue feels weak and repetitive. Try to think of different phrases for her not just: "My Child". Overall this is a story which feels like it is supposed to teach us something. Maybe add a narrative at the end which talks about how she resolved the problem with her friends (very shortly though). Overall a sweet story. Please feel free to contact me for more input.
Caleb

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Overall Rating
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Grammar Punctuation

Interesting story

I picked up this book with how that it would be interesting and it was. Unfortunately that's about it. Often while trading I didn't know where they were or who was talking. Horrific grammar and no real ending this feels unfinished. The first part with the scene with the scientist being interviewed is very disjointed from the scenes in space. Characters monologue far too often and repeat actions multiple times eg 'Jesus smiled'. Tense is poorly constructed and switches between past, present and future crazily. There is potential but this story needs a full on rewrite.

One last note, the parts with Jesus talking and the references to the bible are not accurate descriptions of what the bible says about God and I find it offensive.

Please don't give up writing but keep working and never give up!

Contact me if you want tips on improving it.

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