M.S. Maondo

Kenya 🇰🇪

Romance💕 and Fantasy👽 writer. Author of Her Familiar Stranger on Galatea. Book Lover📚. Love connecting with my readers.

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Amazing!

This is definitely a must-read. I love the storyline, the flow, the description, everything. Good job, author.

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Amaizing!

I enjoyed the story. I was so engrossed throughout. Good job!

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Wow!

This is so beautifully written🥺

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Great descriptions!

I like how you describe her emotions. Every feeling comes to life with your writing

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Great start!

This story has got potential, it just needs editing and a few changes. Otherwise, good job.

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Unique story line

Your plot is well thought of and everything flows so well. Your characters are well developed and a reader can easily relate to then. I like how in every chapter we get to learn a new thing. This is a really great story!

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Love it!

I'm really enjoying this story. There is always something unexpected happening.

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Hatemates

I love the storyline and I love how the MC has a loving and caring family

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Love it!

I'm not a fan of thrillers but this book easily changed my mind. I love the suspense and I love how it hooked me from the beginning.

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Love it!

I love the world you've created here. The storyline is so unique. I was hooked from the beginning.

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Amazing!

I'm in love with the story already. I love the persona you've created for the aunt, she evokes emotions in the readers in just the first chapter. Can't wait for more chapters

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Great story idea!

I love the idea behind this story, I'm curious to know what happened two years ago.

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Great story!

I love the story, captures one's attention from the start.

Just a few grammatical errors you need to check on. Every dialogue must start with a capital letter. Then I suggest you use the character's names instead of...the girl, the woman, the man...these are best used when you want the character to be a mystery

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Great story idea

I love the story idea. Can't wait to see how it turns out.

Since the suggestions I have have already been pointed out, I would recommend you use Grammarly and Google docs while typing, they help with editing.

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Great Start!

I love the pacing and flow of this story. Your description really facilitates an immersive read. The 'old' English used is just enough to give readers a feel of the 70s. Something I'd suggest is for you to add some more details to your blurb, something that tells us what the story is about.

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Great Romance Story!

I was hook from the beginning. I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting read.

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Great world building!

You really have a talent for writing fantasy, your world and descriptions are amazing. The pacing and flow of the story are great. Good work

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Anastasia

I haven't read horror before so I won't have much to say about the storyline. Your description are amazing, makes the reader able to picture everything.

You've used 'once' and 'as' several times. I feel like if you removed them, the sentences would be stronger.

Good luck!

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Great idea!

This is a very good story idea you have here, you just need to work on a few things. Work on your blurb, because the prologue feels like a repetition of the blurb. I'd also suggest you don't pour all the background information at once, it might be confusing and tiring to readers

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Interesting

This is a really interesting story, the characters are amazing and your description makes it easy for a reader to sink into the story. The storyline, the pacing, and the flow of this story are all great.

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Great story idea

This is a really promising story, I love the idea behind it.

Something I would point out, if you don't mind, concerns your narration. Make sure when you are writing, the characters should appear like they are telling the story and not you i.e we should see things from a character's eyes/perspective. Each chapter/section should be focused on one character telling the story, e.g Chapter 2 began with Amore then you should continue telling the story from her perspective (switching is allowed but for a starting writer, it's always recommended to stick to one character)

Here are 2 rewritten paragraphs:

"Hello, Matteo," she said

"Hello, little sis." The deep familiar voice came in reply.

"When are you going to be home?" She bit her lip, hoping that smart brain of his wouldn't understand the intention behind her call.

Leonardo gave her a look. The guy knew her so well, he knew that a phone call was always her go-to means whenever she wanted something, knew that she believed it was the most effective means to getting whatever she wanted from the other party.

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True Colors

I love the quotes you leave at the beginning of the chapters. Your description is lovely, the pacing is amazing, and the humanization of the cat was brilliant. The foreign words could all be italicized to distinguish them (I notice some weren't). I don't have many critiques, your writing is amazing. I didn't notice any grammatical errors.

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Loved the story!

I'm loving the pacing of the story. The writer has really worked well on the descriptions, making one have a good grasp of the scenes.

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Love the idea

I love billionaire romance and I'm loving this Paris romance. Several grammar mistakes you need to check on.

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Love the idea

I love the idea behind the story. I love how it started, hooks one in immediately, and makes you eager to find what will happen next. There are a few cramped paragraphs that need to be separated.

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Love the storyline!

I love how you take the readers through Annie's mind, it really sinks one into the story. I noticed a few gramma mistakes and the story could use more descriptions. But I'm generally loving the idea.

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Love it!

I love the pacing of this story and the storyline, it is intriguing.

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Great start!

I like how you describe the environment, especially the first scene

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Love it!

First of all, I like how you let your story unfold. It is clear you had this well planned out. I like the unique concept of vampires. Your descriptions, pacing and flow are just wonderful.

Something to check on is your tenses, you seem to switch between present and past. Stick to one. And your blurb could use some editing to be more perfect.

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Wow!

I love your story plot, the flow and your pacing. This story is just beautifully written. Good job!

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I'm teary-eyed

This book is so funny. It got me laughing all through

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Love it!

This is a really interesting story. And I like the flow and the pacing of it. Good job

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Love it!

I love the storyline and the flow in general. I would have preferred the flashbacks to be the prologue instead of insert. But everything else is great

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Love it!

This is an interesting story you have. I've never read horror but your book gives me the urge to keep going. Good job

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Wow!

Two chapters yet the story is already great. Your narration is really good making the story flow so well. Good job!

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Love it!

I love vampire and I like the your storylines. Your characters are great. Just a few punctuation errors but otherwise good job

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Great story!

This is a great story with potential. Just a few things to work on to make it perfect.

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Great story in the making!

Just one chapter yet you've captured the attention of the readers. Can't wait to see what a great story this turns out to be

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Love it!

This is definitely a book any romance fun should read. The story is intriguing making a reader want to know more. A few grammatical errors but otherwise good job

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Love it!

I loved every bit of the story. It got me hooked all through. Your characters are well written that readers can connect with them. A few punctuation and grammatical errors but otherwise good job

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JeetZ

This is a great story idea you have but it needs a little working. Check on the inline comments.

I would suggest the first and second chapter to be a prologue then the flashback to act as the beginning of the novel.

Good luck in your writing!

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Unique storyline

The plot is well thought of and the flow is great. This is a really unique story. I love the descriptions in the story. Just a few grammatical errors but those could be worked on by editing

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