I want you to succeed. This comes from a place of mutual respect.
Don't be mad at me. My problems first, my likes second, then my suggestions to improve. Like the title for this review says, I want you to be successful, so I will be honest.
I couldn't get into this because of the breakdown in grammar and run on sentences. I may be correct in assuming your first language isn't English. That's okay, I only speak English and my wife makes fun of how I talk sometimes. lol.
Your synopsis is also quite long winded and honestly provides too much detail.
To help with grammar, etc, may I suggest fiverr.com. If you go there you will find proof readers and editors for reasonable pricing that can shape your story up. I've used it for my own projects in various ways.
To your synopsis, may I suggest shortening it. You have a wonderful story idea and with your synopsis it should be relatively short and sweet. I'd like you to swing by and see the synopsis for my fantasy fiction novel. I altered it after another author suggested I do the same thing.
Please don't be disheartened by my review. I am only one person after all. I would love to field your questions on my board if you wish. I'm always eager to help another author and also learn in the process.
Read the story now