Cherry Stark

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The Void

I think you have a really great start to a story. You are doing a good job of developing your own style of storytelling. Keep up the good work.

My main feedback is to pay attention to grammar and formatting. There were quite a few instances of run-on sentences and what I can "run-on paragraphs". Don't be afraid to play with sentence length. Variety can add a lot to the tension in a scene.

I would also like to see more detail in your work. There was a lot of "I" sentences. I like to add a lot of sensory details. Maybe that's something you could incorporate?

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The Assassin's Beast

I will start off that I have not finished the whole story yet. I think you have the start of two potentially solid storylines. My largest feedback would be to give readers a reason to care about both of your protagonists. Perhaps you could make them both adults? You define Hunter's age but Grace's is a little ambiguous. I've read a lot of stuff where you have teens in super-dark or angsty, supernatural situations so some of the tropes are used a lot, like a highschool protagonist in the middle of a supernatural war.. Even the backstory you've established for Hunter would be stronger if he were ten years older. A mateless, twenty-something wolf who is staying home to take care of his widowed mother, while working and trying to get an education in a society where he should have settled down a decade ago, could be a super interesting character.

Take my feedback for what it's worth, it's just my opinion. You have to be happy with your work. Keep working and developing your skills. If you keep working, your story will be the strongest version possible.

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Broken Princess

I think you have a really great start to a story, but it definitely needs polishing. Pay attention to grammar and your sentence structure. One piece of advice I will give you is that you don't need to justify your characters' actions or preferences to us. If the character doesn't like a certain thing, she doesn't need to justify it to the readers. They don't need to have arguments with themselves. SHOW us how the characters are feeling and it'll help improve the scene. It'll become easier to craft a scene if you are just describing what's going on instead of telling us what happened.

Most importantly, don't doubt yourself. You've got talent and there is always room to improve.

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