ChrisFBrandt

Promising!

They say people judge a book by its cover, and it is definitely the case on this one. The beginning grabbed my attention, especially the allure behind Elle. Though the writing style can be more powerful (considering Cathy's character), I'd love to see how the story goes as the author improves her writing. Keep up the great work!

This is amazing what the heck.

At first I was skeptical about high school romance, but how you integrate life events into the characters is well done and natural. The only things I will suggest is to have all thw author's notes into a separate chapter; preferably the very front page so that the readers will know what to expect.
Great job and Happy Writing!

Conversational

I love your writing style; it's like having a conversation with the main character. It is easy to understand, enjoyable, and the tone is flawless. The concept of the story is intriguing, and I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter. Looking forward for more!

This story made me incredibly nervous.

Normally I dislike Greek Mythology YA (Percy Jackson doesn't cut it for me), but how you've woven your story, from character to plot to theme, is so well-done and immersive, it makes me genuinely scared for my own writing. If mythology revives once again, I assue you this will be the next big thing. Never stop writing!

It's nighttime here.

Wished pacing was a little slower, but I love how you portray the metamorphosis and all that spoopy stuff. Gave me chills.

This is an intense ride.

I sense a Murakami-esque style with an original touch of French culture (which isn't bad; in fact, I love it), and I love how you end things with hope rather than complete despair. Perhaps you can contemplate a little more on Rosie's 'multiple lives' metaphor and weave it right to the end. That would be fantastic.
Grammatical errors and word confusion, though still present, can be fixed in a blink of an eye.
Wonderful job! Happy Writing!

K-Pop Choreography is Fun to Dance To

Pardon the review name; I'm out of ideas XD. Somehow, the simplicity of this whole story (especially the romance) makes me incredibly anxious on what's going to happen next. The whole time I was like, 'No. This is too perfect. Let me take note of the chocolate chip pancakes in case it becomes useful.' You've managed to get me to engage this story with a relatable protagonist, vivid descriptions, and
There are some grammar and punctuation mistakes (missing periods or capital letters), as well as switching tenses between past to present. But that can be quickly edited.
I'm keeping an eye on future chapters. Thank you for sharing this story and Happy Writing!

Hmm

Pacing a little too slow for me. Though the plot is definitely intriguing, and the mystery of the main character lures me to turn more and more of these pages. Keep going and Happy Writing!

Two tips here.

1. I don't think the prologue is necessary.
2. You don't need dialogue tags for every single line. Cut some of them out and see if it flows more smoothly.

Other than that, the descriptions here are quite vivid and on-point. And hey: a coming-of-age story! That's my kind of stuff! :D I look forward to see how the story goes, and Happy Writing!

Atmospheric with Witty Humour

I don't see much plot, but the setting and dialogue makes me enjoy it a lot. Perhaps proofread your story a little, as some sentences are incomplete when it should be. Also, there's one of which where Shovel Face is 'Shovel face'.

Also, the oddly specific analogies. It's exactly my kind of humour. I left a laugh in the middle of my office and my boss almost questioned me. You did a great job on that!

Keep it up and happy writing!

Purple prose that actually works

The opening line is one of the best I've ever seen. It engages the reader to think about the message the writer is trying to deliver. Mesmerising.

So far it's too early to comment on the plot, but I see a direction, so that's a win for both the readers and the writers. Surprisingly, your purple prose works in a mystical way which ties one sentence to another, paragraph to paragraph. Few writers can pull it off. The only time when it gets disctractive is dialogue. Reducing it to just the speaking and crucial body language will let it flow much more smoothly. There's no need to describe every line.

Good luck and happy writing!

Wow.

Just wow. Strong characterisation, atmospheric plot, and vivid narrative voice. In style and plot, I love all of it. High five!

Update: Even though I was one of the first to review this book, I kept coming back to read all the chapters. I'm a sucker for dark psychology, but few people pull this off as well as this does. As always, well done!

Innovative and Blissful

The immediate and powerful actions in the first paragraph hooks me to the next, then one after the other. Overall a refreshing read with a powerful summary. The ending has left me emotional with Draco himself.

Now, onto the nit-picky stuff:
I think the title works better without the 'Shh'. Just 'Don't cry' works, if not better.

Noticeable grammatical mistakes, and needs a little revision. The first sentence works better as a whole sentence, so:
'Their glares penetrated Draco's soul, and the cheers compressed against his heated ears.'

Notice I've cut the adjectives out. The word 'penetrate' is already piercing, and the word 'compress' is enough to tell that it's deafening. Another way to change around is:
'Their glares pierced Draco's soul, and the cheers deafened his heated ears.'
Experiment around and see which words work best.

Your pacing and variation of sentence length is excellent. Although, the adverbs can be a little bit much. Some of them even contradict each other. Cut the adverbs out and see if it still makes sense. For example:
'His footsteps gradually halted' to either:
'His footsteps halted.'
or
'His footsteps slowed down.'

Lastly, the 'And' and 'But'. There's nothing wrong with starting a sentence with it, but like adverbs, it can be a bit much. Cut them out, especially the 'And' s. Only if it interrupts the flow of the story do we add them back.

Happy reading and happy writing!

Wow

This is the second book I've read from the author, and she continues to amaze me with her poetic yet concise writing style. I'm more of a contemporary poet, but these poems work like a stream of consciousness, leading the reader to 'flow' with the author like a flower by the riverbank (see what I did there?). Anyway, hope you make more of these poems and continue to hit the readers deep in their psyche. Happy Writing!

Holy smokes

This story conveyed my emotions like never before. Your writing is very unique, bringing the colours out of the reader's mind. The book took its time to sleep and its time to sing. On those pages were a heart song, the sweetness of a soul passed on. It is no ghost, nor voice from beyond, yet it haunted me in all the right ways.
One suggestion I'd make is to bring a space between paragraphs. I know you copy-pasted from a writing device, but proofreading is just as essential. Great job!

Very nice

I love descriptive writing styles—this included. The chapters are long enough to be a chapter, but short enough to keep the reader engaged. I noticed only one grammatical error, though that doesn't shake the fact that this story is extremely promising.
Can't wait to see what happens next!

I'm speechless.

It goes back and forth like whispering voices; memories from a distant promise that may never be fulfilled. The authors have shown great care on writing this story. It proves that she is becoming better at writing story after story. Keep writing!

Fascinating

I love all your characters—which is a hard feat to do—and the writingbstyle is superb. There are a few punctuation mistakes that don't make a difference to the story, though, so I suggest proofreading with a website such as ProWritingAid. Keep up the great work!

Nice work!

I would suggest showing, not telling, and to remove the italics. There are some grammar mistakes that could be easily fixed with proofreading, but otherwise it's a good book. Keep it up!

Interesting!

I read all the chapters (I am a fast reader), and the plot is well-developed even though it is only 2 chapters so far. What I would suggest, though, is to tone the POVs down and to change the dialogue from italics to, well, not italics. Overall, I enjoyed what it has to offer!

Also, I like Kai. He seems like a pretty cool person.

Great Story!

The twist in the end is what gave away. The story gave me goosebumps, which is not an easy feat. Some of the aspects of the story are even gruesome—it might not be for everyone. Great story!

Went from 0 to 100

The title says it all. Get a paperback and/or an editor to proofread this for perfection. The characters are relatable, the plot is SO intense, and overall I enjoyed the book. 5 out of 5, my friend.

Twas alright

I like the plot so far, but the all-caps onomatopoeia throughout the story jarred me a lot. Try removing them and let the nnarration flow. Also, try removing the italics from your dialogue (just a suggestion, though!). That's all I have to critique.

Fucking amazing.

Just wow.

Very promising

Binged from start to finish. A great look into the 1990's with a dark twist. The writing is straightforward, no-nonsense and easy to read. You can even say this is a 90's noir as a genre. The humour is just right, and overall very unique (though I was confused at first since I know nothing about the period of time haha). Looking forward to read the main story and possibly write another review!

Necronomicon. Yes.

The suspense is well-made despite the lack of climax. Writing style can be clearer simplee—but hey, it's Lovecraft. Glad to see another story adapted from Lovecraft. 🙂 Would love to see Book 2! Happy Writing!

uwu

Though at first I was skeptical and had no idea what was going on, I later found this 'confusion' to be the same as any other fantasy books (which require a bit of adjustment). The concept of fate (ahem, path) brings along bittersweet despair, not knowing whether we can change what is settled. I see a spectacular story ahead!
As a quick note, however, punctuation and grammatical errors, though common in most Inkitt books, can be jarring to the eye. You can start by assimilating dialogue punctuation. Here are some corrections which will probably cover the basics:

1.) "He's been learning some new, but basic magic," she confessed.
2.) "I'm turning seven next week." He smiled, serving himself food.
3.)
"You didn't tell him about his mother?!" she asked furiously.
Melody averted her face as she folded her arms. "She asked me not to tell him."
"He deserves to know!"
"Keep your voice down."
Arawn stood from the table and walked to the front yard. Aura pulled her hood up. "I'll talk to her," she said. Melody sat at the table and looked at her hands, ashamed.

Not all dialogue tags are needed. Try cutting some and see if it still makes sense. All in all, I'd love to see your writing evolve over time. Keep going and Happy Writing!

Yeet

First of all, I love the cover. It speaks of the colours of a romance ebook and what to expect. Second, I didn't expect to like the plot at all. At first it felt linear and normal, until you added human dimensions into your characters and made it a story of its own. At some point, it didn't feel like a book at all. It felt like a story.
I won't say anything about grammar and punctuation, as the others have pointed it out. What I'll suggest is that when you edit, remove the author's notes and move them into a separate chapter on its own in the end. You know, the 'Afterword' thingy.
I hope you'll become an even better writer! Happy Writing!

Has great potential.

Mystery stories are one of the hardest genres to nail down (I also write it and sometimes I want to roll down and cry and hug every character ever). I love the plot—I truly do—but the writing style is hindering its full potential.
Limit padding phrases. Try deleting a sentence with 'start to' or 'begin to' and see if it sounds better. 'Show' rather than 'tell'.
Also, delete the first paragraph. Let the story unfold by itself.
That's my two cents! Or pence! Or [insert currency here]!

Jane trips on acid.

Though what they say about style and grammar is true, I notice some improvements right in the latest chapter. Whether this is posted later or at the same time as other chapters, I'm glad you listened to criticism and did spmething about it.

I don't mind long paragraphs, but they will tire the average Inkitt reader. Break them down as long as it doesn't disrupt the flow of your story.
Suspense can be better built--but that's something you can learn from reading other books and tips. The internet has much to offer.

Keep Writing!

(P.S. Common names are fine, but please don't use those of popular fogues like Mark Zuckerburg or Jane Austen.)

I live for Jaxon.

Though not much plot is brought to light yet, I sense a powerful story of loss, hope, and family. Minor grammatical issues in the first chapter, but other than that the style and pacing is excellent. Hats off!
I look forward to what the author has to bring. Thank you for writing this story!

Big room for improvement

First of all, there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with short chapters. You don't need to apologise about that, m'kay? It's perfectly fine to have short chapters as long as it doesn't disrupt the flow of the story.
However, there are two major things I'm bothered by this:
1. You don't want to info-dump straight at the beginning. No one introduces yourself with personal problems. Perhaps when you revise this, make sure to send out snippets of information or show it indirectly; for instance, through parallel memories, through dialogue, etc.
2. Grammar and punctuation are crucial. Trust me. Even with bad plot, it will improve its apprearance and lure your readers a million times more.

It's your first book, so it's going to be bad. I'm pretty sure everyone's first book is going to be bad. But wherever you can improve or edit, please do so without hesitation. Don't overlook mistakes, especially simple ones.

That's my two cents. Good night from Thailand and Happy Writing!

Simple plot which keeps you going

It's a nice read when you don't want to think too much, and just let the characters and plot flow. Minor punctuation errors which can be easily edited. Also, yes to the erotica.

:D

This is...wow. This story will play with your emotions in a familiar yet fresh way. A small tip, however, is to either have a single POV in a single chapter, or write in the third person altogether. Otherwise, the character and plot development here is noticeable throughout the story. Happy Writing!

Yee haw!

I'm looking forward to the next chapters to see how things will unfold. Just be sure to edit your punctuation as you upload your next chapter, m'kay? Happy Writing!

I see potential

I like where this is going. With grammatic and spelling fixes, it could blossom into a fine-tuned novel. Happy Writing!

Goodness.

I haven't read the solutions yet (Hey! No cheating!), but the first mystery got me thinking for a good while. I'm not sure on my own theory, and I won't read any answers until you tell me otherwise XD. Anyway, I'm looking forward for more updates and have another round of mind-messing. Happy Writing!

Took me off-guard

Okay, normally I have a strong dislike for roleplays (thanks to rude, sexual ones), but I...surprisingly...enjoyed it??? If you're able to get someone who hates roleplays to like one of these, that means you have a serious talent. The narrative style is quick, witty, and truly unique, and while I was a little taken aback at first (because of how different it is), I quickly find myself glued on the audience chair and 'watch the show' till the very end.
Thank you for sharing this story with us and Happy Writing!

Mosaic Art

While it's hard to grasp the element of poetry, I think it's what makes it even better. It's like pieces of broken glass coloured and put together into a creative piece of mosaic art. Well done!

Perfection.

This is one of the best original stories I've ever found on the internet. Each sentence is crafted to match with...well, the erotica genre. If you don't know what I mean, it means that your style flows like a wisp of sweet, musky perfume, luring your reader to one sentence to the next, paragraph to paragraph. Well done!

I also like how realistic yet romantic the sex scene is. No over-the-top descriptions; just the simple bliss of lovemaking. And Taara's sermon...how long have you planned this? It gave me chills XD

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find success here on Inkitt! Happy Writing!

A Head Nod

Will do great for a young adult or preteen target audience. Chapter division seems a little disruptive, and the Latin parts will do better without translation on the bottom (it'll keep the mysterious element on). On a positive note, the writing style is straightforward and doesn't waste time on descriptons. I like that. The only thing to say on that aspect is to recheck your punctuation and grammar. Also, I recommend using Inkitt's line break instead of three asterisks.

Good luck and Happy Writing!

Looks promising.

The plot seems quite blocky and highly structured, but perhaps it's because of the writing style that gives its impression. However, the tiny snippets of Annie's experience is a great tool for descriptions, like in the snake bite scene. So far, I'm intrigued on why the story is called 'Something Borrowed', and I look forward to see it completed.

Happy writing!

A refreshing read

I love how you format your story. Singular poetics lines take me into a trance of thought. As someone who gets easily bored, your straightforward and concise writing gets to the point and in turn becomes a refreshing read.

It's okay if you're writing on mobile, but on desktop there's an elegant line break you can use (in case you don't know). Proofread the last chapter again and check for missed spaces or punctuation marks which are out of place. Check the grammar on the last line on the latest chapter. Other than that, check, check, check.

On a serious note, however, I suggest you put the author's notes in a separate section altogether. Being friendly and engaging is good, but having them at the end of a chapter disrupts the flow of the story. Also, there's nothing wrong with having short chapters as long as the story flows together. Quality over quantity.

Good luck and happy writing!

:D

I normally don't read fantasy, but today I decided to give this a go. I'll just say...I love the characters. I love flustered Kyle. And the plot caught me off-guard, too. In short, I didn't expect to love it!

Just be sure to check your grammar and punctuation, m'kay? Grammarly would do half the bid for you, and the other half would be some research.

Happy writing!

Major editing needed

I have problems correlating bits and pieces of the story together (like the funeral, the priest, the concept of immortality, etc.). How come did she diagnose herself as a psychopath? What exactly are her motives? More chapters would be needed to understand the plot; but for now, I'm intrigued.

On language, your prose and vivid imagery allows me to delve into the mind of the protagonist/narrator. But now, it's like an unpolished gem whose potential was hidden. First, I notice a plethora of padding/weak words, like 'I guess', 'I mean', or 'Ah, well'. Also, adverbs. Having them is fine, but I suggest cutting some out ('some', as in 50-70% of them). Your writing will strengthen. I promise.

Grammar. Most are correct, though the title of the first chapter...it's 'No Weddings'. Also, take a moment to revise some sentences, which look like sentences but aren't. Take a look at this one:
'The woman looked up, scanned the treeline.'
Now, I'm sure it's supposed to be a full sentence, so let's edit that.
'The woman looked up and scanned the treeline.'
Take some time to scan and edit. A rule of thumb is to use incomplete sentences ONLY if nothing is happening to the subject, or you're trying to break lengthy sentences.

On character, at first I thought the narrator was an emo-wannabe from r/im14andthisisdeep. That was until I read it a second time. Now, what I understand is that she is bored from immortality, and therefore pretends to be a psycho. If that were the case, it's acceptable. Living for 300 years would bore me to death too. But if not, write less about her personality (like 'I'm a pathological liar.' or something like that), and more about her actions. The one part where she ridicules the little girl in the funeral is a great example.

Breaking the fourth wall is amusing (I love the 'unreliable narrator those English literature teachers warned you about' part), but there are still limits. At some point, it became annoying. But perhaps it's just me, as I hate going off topic. Unless it's directly connected to the previous paragraph, either move those abrupt paragraphs somewhere else, break it into a new scene, or cut it off.

As always, I'm a sucker for dark psychology. The art of it is getting the reader to analyse the character while answering the promises you've given to them. I look forward to see your writing evolve and polished into a beautiful piece!

Good luck and happy writing!

Great portrayal of character

Thee plot strongly reminds me of Fahrenheit 451 and The Giver, but what makes it interesting is Jesse's rebellious and hot-headed character shown straight in the beginning. I like how it gets to the point instead of paragraphs of prose.

However, the paragraphs in Chapter 2 are too long. I almost skipped those altogether. Break ot down for easier reading.

Grammar and punctuation is excellent, although the quotation marks inside another set of quotation marks must be singular. For example,
"You see, Monsieur Religious, I don't believe in this 'Lord the Almighty', and I suggest neither should you."

Other than that, I look forward to the next chapters and the end! Happy writing!