Citizen Samurai

https://anchor.fm/citizensamurai https://open.spotify.com/show/3WCa7r8Tl2bhhOX2O3Xy9z

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

you're cruel to end this at one chapter

There are so many works out there on writing platforms that drone on endlessly without ever really going somewhere. This is a fantastic start to something that definitely has legs, and should have a greater life on the page, and in the mind of the readers who've reached the end and, like me, wanted more. For a work you say was done in school, this beats a lot of work done by people much older than you. I'm excited to see what else you've got published but right off the bat, this genre, this main character, absolutely grabbed me. I hope someday you'll find yourself compelled to get back to it : ) Well done sir!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

The Exit Plan

This book started strong in terms of plot - I was hooked and wanted to know the story behind Chantel and her Mustang. I feel like a lot of momentum was lost when we moved on to Will giving his background - beginning his tale in the frame of a morning at the breakfast table. We're stuck in his head while he reflects on his life after 18 years - not all of the background we get is important or interesting.

The author's got a great imagination and there's some wonderful twists of phrase and detail - I'd love to see this stripped down like a hot rod - more showing, less telling - and a good read-through for some of the clipped writing where maybe an edit didn't blend.

One of the biggest things I've done to improve, and it sounds silly, is to print up a story and read it aloud. I know how errors can hide in plain sight when you (the author) know in your mind how you'd like it to appear.

You've got a great start here! The first chapter (prologue) was strong, it had great pacing and hooked me - I'd love to see that intensity continue.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

A gem in the making

This author has talent that is tuned right to take this work someplace. Destiny was my favorite character, the best-written character, because she had the most to hide; she told us about herself and left a lot out, and those gaps were filled in cleverly (don't want to spoil). The male characters were all telling and no showing, I would have liked Damien to be as mysteriously developed (and dramatically revealed) as Destiny.

Punctuation-of-dialogue rules would help a great deal here - many bits of dialogue, particularly the dramatic stuff, gets thwarted by the lack of a comma and the presence of a capital letter after the quotation - it kills the momentum. There are some turns of phrase that don't translate (Destiny "steers" awake (stirs?) - and Damien (and a chapter title) mention a "faithful" meeting that I wonder if you didn't mean 'fateful' - but these are tiny things and - they make me think this author is someone who has mastered more than one language - in which case, f--king bravo, I wish I spoke another language well enough to take a bus, never mind write a compelling story.

This has twists and excitement that quickly mount. The criticisms I have are only technical - these are things you could kill quickly if you copied and pasted your drafts into a word processor and hunted the grammar - I only saw misused words, not misspelled words, and that is fantastic to see, someone who cares enough to put good writing out there.

Destiny by far stood out as the most real, the most developed. The men in this were braggarts to the point of sometimes feeling two-dimensional and if they could get more of the Destiny treatment, they could still be who they and the reader would have the fun of "unpacking" their personality and story the way you artfully did with Destiny.

I couldn't give compliments here on so many things because I can't spoil some of my favorite parts for the new readers. Any story over 30 chapters normally doesn't hold my interest for long but this is one I'm sticking with to see what happens. You definitely know how to build action and set things up for payoffs and I know there will be more of those in store by the time I reach the chapters in the 60s : )

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

delightful but serious fantasy

Just like the author's other work took back-and-forth banter right to the maximum limit without overdoing it, we've got the same beautiful balance here with a style of writing that puts the reader into a frame of mind, a period of time, and had no flaws. While other writers knock themselves out (and bore the reader) trying to set a mood with an overload of detail and backstory - the way this story is written allows the reader's mind to paint a picture. We know we're in a medieval-ish / fantasy setting; we know there's conflict; and then to have Lady Olivia's inner thoughts, in one short (mute on her part) meeting with Malcolm? That's gold. Tidy, economical and fun to read. This is how it's done, you're killing it.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Beyond basics, approaching brilliance

This writer knows how to craft a story (spelling, grammar, dialogue structure) - and that's rare. But she also knows how to f'ing tell a story. And that's even more rare in combination with the ability to master the basics and keep things tidy. Yes, spelling counts. The care this author has taken with the basics means the reader gets to do nothing but enjoy the story.

The dialogue makes sense. The characters' dialogue is fantastic - we know who these two are, we know they have history, we know they're more than mere mortals, we know they're working for some kind of royalty in a high fantasy concept - but the author organically lets the reader learn these details instead of dumping what feels like required reading on us (how many times have you cracked open a work of fantasy to be confronted with a history lesson before you ever get to any action?).

Well done my friend - you are crushing this and if you're as young as you say you are in your profile, and you're writing at this level now? You are on your true path, because there are people who come onto these writing platforms and boast great numbers of followers, reads etc., but their writing is trash, technically; it's boring / unoriginal; or it's both.

This is what you're supposed to be doing with your life. Keep doing it.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

outstanding

I'm excited by the premise, but even more excited to have found writing worth reading. This author gives a damn about the little things and it shows - excellent craftsmanship made this a joy to read - the bonus is, the story is well thought-out, well-developed. Great work author!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Outstanding

This writer says she's not even old enough to drive. Her ability to put together a well-crafted tale with proper spelling and grammar puts to shame a large percentage of work from amateur writers (I'm an amateur, too) who are out there asking for reads, scrounging for followers but they either don't have the talent of this young writer, or they're too lazy to put in the work and create quality stories for consumption.

If you @ellie18 are turning out work like this now, then you've got great things in store for your writing career in the future. Hell yes - this is how it's done.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

lovely work

I think poetry is incredibly brave - I'm wordy and long-winded and I can't imagine having the confidence to allow a handful of chosen words express something important to me. Lee A. does this beautifully. Lee, I hope you stick to your guns and punctuate this work, capitalize these words the way you see fit. I'm always happy to proofread and offer that as feedback but not when it comes to poetry: This is the place where the rules of prose don't belong, these are dreams you're sharing and I love how your title often reads as the very first line of the poem (to me). Keep it up, keep it up!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great start

You've got a great knack for making characters real and engaging from the start. This needs just a bit of polish regarding spelling - "brother's and sister's" should not be possessive, but plural - "brothers and sisters" - use "wanton" for the prostitute instead of "wonton" (which is actually "won ton" - a Chinese dumpling) - if you can copy and paste this into a Word file, you'll catch those mice quickly and you can polish those distractions out of your story.

When's the next chapter coming? I'd love to read more.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great start

I enjoyed getting to ride along with this book-obsessed main character - even though this was a short piece, the people were real, memorable and engaging (Paula and our narrator - the guy was pretty one-dimensional) - I'd like to see this couple bond over something more than elbow bumps - maybe fighting over the last copy of a book, engaging in a series of debates criticizing each other's book choices? Lots of guys are just outwardly nasty and get the girl in romance stories and they get away with it because of a jawline, etc. I'd like to see this strong female not put up with it, and perhaps make this guy work for it - and learn a bit more about him in the process. This makes me want to see your other work : )

Read the story now

No reading lists yet

No badges received yet

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.