DanOAuthor

So far, so good

The title and the Commandments section are giving me a Haidmaiden's Tale sort of vibe -- and that's a good thing. I like the protagonist, and there's definitely a strong voice in the writing. I like how you're taking your time and not rushing things.

I would like to experience the world of the story through the protagonist's eyes though. More show vs. tell. I want to know what happened to the parents. Were they around before the disasters? Did they ever tell the protagonist what the world was like before that? Maybe she read books.

I want to know more about the brother too. What was he like before all this? He'll have the potential to be a rich, complex character if he started out a good guy. He could also possibly get redeemed.

Keep going. Take your time, but don't forget to drop key information here and there. I usually try to go for one key detail per chapter.

UPDATED REVIEW

I like the idea of a swashbuckling intergalactic bounty hunting werewolf. He's kind of full of himself. I hope he shows some vulnerabilities in the future. A cocky demeanor could end up a defensive mechanism.

The first person passages where the characters are speaking directly were my favorite. They had great voice and energy.. The third person passages came off dry at times. That actually gave me an idea/suggestion for the overall structure. This could be an oral biography such as Chuck Palahniuk's rant, where there is a narrator who reports the facts and then includes interviews with each character -- who then tells their story in first person.

There is a lot of great world-building going on too. Another idea I had would be including "excerpts" from a "reference book" that is part of the world of the story -- such as the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or Asimov's Encyclopedia Galactica. You can describe the many races and planets in your story and credit them as being an "excerpt" from that book --whatever you end up calling it.

Anyway, food for thought. Be careful of your verb tenses. In some of the first person passages, you slip into third person. Other than that, it is progressing nicely.

A Diamond in the Rough

I liked the action scenes. They were swift and brutal. I'm also intrigued by the main characters and would love to know more about their backstories and relationships. Aurora is definitely the protagonist, and I would like more of the story to be told through her perspective and experience the story through her POV.

The style is very cinematic, which worked in places. However, overall, I would love more world-building and get a sense of the setting and locale.

Overall, it could use some polish. There are scattered shifts in verb tense and some POV trouble in the beginning which includes an omniscient narrator that seems to quickly disappear.

Please keep it up. Focus on the relationships and character development, and hopefully the "war" will have something to do with tearing those relationships apart.

A Wild Ride/Read

I'm a big fan of free verse so I had no problem reading it and rather enjoyed the flow. The main character's voice was great, strong and vulnerable, full of pride and self-doubt. When it came to chapters that were from a different characters' point of view, I didn't feel like the voices were differentiated enough. I still heard the main character's voice each time.

Chapter Eight felt like the natural ending to me with Chapter Nine serving as the moral of the story. The remaining chapters, although I did enjoy them, I thought belonged in a separate book, maybe an anthology.

Very nice though!

Off to a good start.

I'm intrigued and would like to read more. I do not think you need the prologue though and could build up to the conflict in chapter one -- speaking of chapter one, I found a huge chunk of text that had been repeated -- like you maybe cut and pasted a section twice, I don't know.

I think the protagonist should have some mementos of his former life. Holding on to those can help him remember the good times -- They could also be taken away by his master. I would also like to see more psychological abuse from the master. That could be a way to work in some backstory -- The master could remind the protagonist of what his life was like before this, and the master could tell him how ungrateful and unappreciative he is for that he has done for him.

I think the master should have some sort of ulterior motive for keeping him a slave too. If the protagonist is
really that worthless as a slave, I'd imagine he'd have just gotten rid of him.

Keep up the good work!