Dona87

Intriguing

The story starts off dynamically and I love it. You have vivid descriptions and I felt as if I were taken by an angel together with the character. The choices, the questions, everything is so deep and meaningful. There is a sense of danger at the beginning and I was puzzled by certain parts. You have a great writing style. It is engaging and absorbing. You know how to make the reader a part of your story, which is an important element in writing and a great feature of an author. Overall, I believe this story is going to develop in the right direction and I hope to read more soon.

Lovely

This is a really nice introduction. You have set the scene perfectly. The night of Christmas Eve, a happily married couple and doing what they want on that special night. The mere mention of Christmas Eve hints at coziness, relaxation and a comfortable atmosphere. However, from what I have read so far, I think that Marcus and Natalie are going to spend this year’s Christmas Eve a bit differently – without the usual coziness and comfort. I think that this story has a great potential to become something well worth reading. It could maybe give some of us certain ideas for our next Christmas.

Amazing

This story is written in a fun, amusing way so far. You have such an engaging style of writing. It completely absorbs the reader. Once I started reading, I could not stop. I am curious about your uncle Reason and his reasons. :) It is such a meaningful title and a meaningful story. It can be understood in many ways. And the poem that goes with this story is so witty, entertaining and compelling. Overall, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I would love to read more. I am a big fan of such exciting, witty writings. Keep it up and I cannot wait to read more.

Loved it!

Very futuristic. Maybe even to the extreme. But has a good point so far and although it is fantastic, we can relate even today with it on a certain level. The constraints mentioned here are much stricter than the constraints we have today, but the point is that there are always certain constraints present, in every kind of society. Being executed for such a banal thing, for disobeying such a nonsense “rule” hints at what is to come in this story. I am curious to see how the characters will cope with and maybe fight against such a system that only brings them misery, instead of prosperity. I have really enjoyed this.

Intriguing

This story really grabbed my attention. I am really interested in how it is going to unfold and what is going to happen with Baron. I am curious about what is going on with him right now and if that might be the consequence of him being left by his parents, or maybe the reason the parents gave him up. His struggles and misfortunes must have contributed to his state. Ending up in an orphanage is a big deal, especially if your parents are still alive. The story is mysterious and I am a bit frightened and worried for Baron. I would like to read the rest of this story.

Perfect

This poem tells a perfectly relatable story of its own. It even has its own plot twist, about success and failure. I believe that everyone can relate to this and that is why this is bound to live on. All those kind natured persons, who are good to everyone in spite of wrongdoings they have experience from others. All those that live with a kind heart among the hatred of their species. All those that have not succeeded in anything, that have not prospered. Read this and learn what success is. Read it and accept. Accept who and what you are. Finding peace and acceptance is the core of this poem.

There is a song from a local band in my country which says something that can be applied here. I will translate the gist of it for you. It goes something like this: “For once in your life, raise the white flag and accept it as your victory”.

Interesting and puzzling

A really weird first date, I must agree with you. There is a sense of danger throughout it and it is kind of thrilling and dynamic. I love how she worries and creates scenarios in her head – and bad things occur to her before the normal, obvious ones. This might hint at something in the rest of your story. Or it might just be the alcohol thinking instead of her. I was a bit confused in the beginning with the first person/third person perspective thing. I quickly got the hang of it, but I think you might want to find a way of separating this somehow. I have enjoyed the story so far and I am curious about what happens next.

Enjoyed it

This is a really enjoyable story so far. You have nice narratives, vivid descriptions and a good idea for the story. It is absorbing from the first sentence. It takes you in and makes you read on and on. You have a lovable style of writing, which makes the story easy to read and gives it a nice flow. I can see that the story is going to be amusing, fun and passionate, but maybe also with a strong message being sent through it. I am eager to read more and I would love it if you published the rest of the story soon. This short part got me hooked. :)

I love this!

The story starts of as a modern, contemporary writing which turns to criticize the youth, their habits and the new ways of conduct, behavior and of living at all. However, the story quickly goes into a different direction. It is mysterious, yet warm. And although there are some strange, maybe paranormal occurrences, I did not get a sense of danger and I was not worried about something bad happening to the characters. You have this warm style and sense of writing which intrigues and enchants the reader. I really love this and I love this whole story – both its idea and how you have written it. Everything is perfect.

Right in the feels

Wow. As a fellow writer, I completely understand you and feel for you. My writers block has been going on for almost a year now, I cannot write a sentence. And even the year before, I have only written two pieces. Writer blocks tend to occur. And the scary part is – you never know how long it is going to last. Everyday things, politics, studies, friends, EVERYTHING – simply consumes you. You have no time for what you thoroughly enjoy, for reading a good book, for writing your own piece. And even if you try to write, you feel as if it is worth nothing. Writing about this may help you overcome it and I hope it will.

Intriguing

This is a really nice and interesting idea for a story and your introduction is really sweet. It reveals enough, but not too much I believe that this has a good potential to become a really nice story and I hope you will continue in the right direction. These kinds of stories are bound to be thrilling and dynamic and I hope it will live up to expectations. I would only suggest that you do further editing and proofreading. This would add to the seriousness and quality of your story. Overall, I think you are doing fine so far and I would love to read more. You have me intrigued.

Nice

You start off slowly, setting the scene and introducing the reader to everything step by step. This is really helpful in the reading process, since you can imagine and comprehend everything and get yourself prepared for the story itself. All of a sudden, it becomes dynamic, thrilling and mysterious. I love that you have written in first person perspective; that always gets to me and makes me not only relate more to the characters, but also feel for your characters and worry about them. You have a really nice style of writing, absorbing and enchanting. I love how the ending is unexpected. A dream. Who would have thought.. This is really nice.

Nice and can be improved

You have nice narratives and nice descriptions. The topic you are writing about and the idea you have require dynamics, excitement; and your story lacks a bit in that so far. I would suggest that you maybe add some dialogues, monologues or the characters’ thoughts throughout the story. In my opinion, that would be even more interesting and it would make the reader a bit more engaged and willing to keep on reading. There is no doubt that you have a writing talent, but I think you can do better if you make the story a bit more thrilling, exciting and dynamic. That is what your idea is about, at the first place. If putting aside this little suggestion, I have really enjoyed reading this so far and I’d love to read the rest.

Amusing

The story starts off right away, with no hesitation. You characters’ introduction is amazing – you have taken the approach of letting the characters introduce themselves alone through their words and actions. I love this approach. The whole story is written in an amusing and entertaining way. The constant danger makes the story dynamic. However, although Patrick and Julie are going through a lot and facing a lot of dangerous situations, your style of writing has made those situations fun to read, even comic at some points. I love this. Overall, the whole story is daring, adventurous and exciting and I have really enjoyed reading it. I would only suggest that you do a bit more editing and proofreading, in order to perfect your story some more.