The main problem I had was with the overuse of adjectives. It reads like you have been writing it with a thesaurus in hand; perhaps it was intended to convey some sense of something, but - if so - that has been lost. The first line (Gliding gently through the bitter, wintry, piercing, icy- cold, frosty, perishing, biting, unwelcoming, unfriendly, viscous, devilish air, the delicate, graceful, papery, wispy, airy, silky, patterned snowflake lands on the colossal, gigantic, enormous, mammoth - sized, vast floor) could've been written in half a dozen words, and the almost comical overuse of adjectives makes it difficult to engage with the story throughout. The reader almost scans over them to get to the heart of the text.
Read the story now
There's also many spelling and grammatical errors, including overuse of the hyphen, jumping between tenses, misuse of punctuation, and two spelling errors in the story title (to name but a few). I think it needs to be redrafted a couple of times and really thought about before it has a chance to become engaging.
In regards to plot, I don't think there's enough of a plot yet. I can see the idea being developed further, but for now it is too short to comment on; it feels like a fragment of a story rather than a story.