17, bi, and smut writer...think that's it.

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Overall Rating
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

From Chapter One...

From Chapter One, I was intrigued. I'm not too huge on high school romance buzz settings per se, as a lot of it becomes repetitive or boring if you play the cards wrong, but the description of this made me feel compelled to give this story a try. I didn't see too much of an issue within the first three chapters that I read. It just, honestly, didn't connect with me much. I couldn't relate well or empathize with the characters' feelings or problems.

Story rating - 4
Again, as I stated, it was difficult for me to immerse myself in the story fully when I seemed it damn near impossible to connect with the characters. The dialogue seemed off-putting and less than realistic. It occurred to me almost like a puppet on a string forced to comply to the masters' demands. The talking just felt like it was necessary to further the plot.

Plot - 4

Once more, as the story dragged about with dialogue that felt excessive or forced, the plot seemed to move rather slow for me. Just my opinion, so do as you will with it.

Author's writing style - 3

I understand you are writing from the viewpoint of a mere 17 or 18-year old, and I applaud you for putting the simplicity of those thoughts into thoughts a older teenager would conjure up. However, I think it would have been a little better if you put more descriptions throughout the story that came from the author's perspective, not so much the child's.

Author's technical skills - 4

I didn't see too much issue besides a missed comma here or there. Good job with your punctuation and your grammar skills!

Keep on writing!
~ Patty.

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