Tears of Blood
Hi there! An amazing story you've written here; I love the plot especially since I love a little bit of mystery in almost everything I read! But I did notice a few errors so I thought of writing a constructive criticism for you, helping you to improve your story for your readers!
Read the story now
First of all, like I mentioned in my comment, it would be better if you could break your paragraphs. Especially your dialogues particularly because while reading, I did lose track of what I was reading and I'm pretty sure that it might be the same for a majority of the readers out there!
Don't worry, if you have no idea as to how you should break your paragraphs, I'd be happy to help. First, I'd recommend for you to re-read your story and find places where you think you can pause. Mostly, at the end of a dialogue is an ideal place to break a paragraph. Not only will this help you to separate your paragraphs for better reader engagement, but it will also help you to find your grammar mistakes and spelling errors (I find quite a few of them).
Also another thing I noticed is that there are instances where you haven't applied the "show don't tell" theory. Simply it means, there are things, especially emotions and other background information that would be preferable for your readers to understand as they read your story, without you telling them about it.
Furthermore, I also felt that your dialogues can get a bit forced and unrealistic at times. For example, at the beginning of your novel, you've started off with this girl describing the murder that she witnessed. Given she's actually witnessed a murder, there has to be a sense of shock and grief in her tone. For example, her brother had been murdered right in front of her, so there's absolutely no way she can make a statement saying "I hate him" because she's supposed to be upset and shocked about the whole incident. So I think if you could fix that, there would be a more natural flow to your story!
Overall I think the plot is good and exciting. I'm sure your readers are in for a splendid ride! All the best and I hope my long paragraph helped you! Much love! :D