E. Lain

wow

Hi there,
Great story, no wonder it won the contest. Great flow, interesting, realistic characters, fast paced. It's amazing how you crammed so much awesome into four short chapters. I have one extremely minor grammatical error to point out, and its hardly even mentioning but it caught my eye. I think it's the second last sentence in quotations has the period outside of the quotes. Oh My God! How horrible, we're all going to die because of it! Not. But just thought I'd say.
Keep up the great work, congrats on winning the contest.
Cheers

Wow

This is a fantastic piece of speculative fiction! What a terrifying look into our possible future. Writing was smooth, straightforward, with great flow. Characters were realistic and easy to love. Only problem was that it ended! I want more!

This story was great however....

The work was overall well written. The plot was intriguing and kept me wanting to know what was going to happen. The characters were very realistic. My loyalty to one heir or the other was tossed around and I was kept uncertain as to the outcome. The madness was well done. In fact every single chapter was very well done except the last. Final chapter was more telling and almost no showing. It was rushed and I could not fully understand what had happened. It could be lengthened to clear this up.
All in all, great story, final chapter needs some work.