eleeyanna

An alien vampire writer who's afraid of blood.

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Horror

Mystery lang ito, parang detective story. Failed to connect the object to the past

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Horror

It's like I love you since 1892 na may pagka-The Mansion ni Eddie Murphy. Light Horror siya and it's not bad. Medyo unfair lang sa ibang scenes dahil mas na-describe mo nang mabuti ang ibang scenes na hindi importante. Naging hilaw tuloy ang ending. In short—hindi mo na-balance ang thrill sa story. I suggest you edit this muna.

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Horror

Somehow, nagandahan ako sa plot niya, the way you wrote it is the problem.

I know you want to make it with a twist of romance, pero ang kinalabasan niya ay naging pure romance lang na may touch ng fantasy. Puro dialogue, sayang ang word count nito. Marami pa dapat na maikukuwento rito, pero walang nangyari.

I suggest you edit your entry. Maganda kasi siya, although cliche, but if you narrate it differently, baka gumanda pa siya.

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Horror

Kailangan ng focus sa story. Masyadong mabilis ang pacing ng story. Walang justice masyado sa third eye thing-y na iyan. Wala rin masyadong kaugnayan ang pagkamatay ni Gabriel sa story at sa payong. It should be something in connection with the past at sa object, but I didn't see it. Use show, don't tell rule.

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GOOD JOB

Common ng plot but it is really likeable. Kulang lang ng konting push sa show, don't rule. At pati ang dialogue and action tag.

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Good choice of scenes

Good choice of scenes!
Kailangan na lang ng identical writing voice. More research about the topic. Don't use too much emotions when describing it. Especially when it comes to clinical disorders, such as depression.

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