EmilieS

Intriguing

I have really enjoyed reading this story so far. It is thrilling and mysterious. And I can tell that it is going to be rather complex. I am curious about what will happen with Evelyn and Justin, as well as how he knew about the nightmare. At the beginning, I thought that his father is going to be somehow involved in this, rather than him. But, I guess we will see. And you do not have to worry about your writing. A few mistakes here and there, but nothing grave. You can always reread and reedit the story. I love your idea and the way you write it.

Magical

I have great expectations of this story. You started off with a perfect scene setting and with showing the reader only a glimpse of what he or she can expect. And your narrations are really powerful and successful in getting the story through to the reader. I cannot wait to read about the realm of dreams and to see whether Miranda will succeed in her intentions. I suppose there will be a period when she is almost completely overcome by Darkness, but for the sake of everyone, I hope that she will be the winner in this fight in the realm of dreams. So far, I love how you write and if you continue this way, your story will turn out great.

Powerful

I really love poetry and I love when I come across a poem which invokes strong emotions while I am reading it. There is something sinister about this poem. It is a bit scary, it is fearful and it is immensely passionate. There is something so final in the last stanza, but even more in the last verse itself. I had to take a few minutes to let everything that I have read sink in – and that is a great thing about poetry, especially about great poetry. I love this poem and I would strongly encourage you to continue writing. Do not give up on what you are good at.

Nice

Although these poems were written in a larger span of time, you have kept your central topic unchanged – love, lost love, loneliness and missing someone. I appreciate this immensely – staying true to your work, staying true to yourself. My favourite one was “He Still Haunts me Relentlessly”. You can feel the sorrow, the longing and yearning while reading this poem. I do not believe that there might be one person in the world who might not relate to this. You certainly know poetry and have talent. But, since I myself write poetry sometimes, I know that there is no point in encouraging you to write more, even though you could. That is not something that can be done when you want to do it. You do not invite poetry, it comes to you. Great job.

Amazing

The story starts off very dynamically and I love it. You can see the future before you even read the past. You have an amazing style of writing. It made me want to read on and on and once I started, I could not stop. I love that you have put a lot of effort in details. It makes the story that more believable. It is obvious that you have worked hard for this story and that is something I really appreciate. I love your language and how you used it to bring the reader closer to the time in which the story is taking place. This is another one of your great writing tricks. I cannot wait to read more.

Same but different

This is a story with a religious topic, but written differently, as if to be more close to the today’s readers. You have set the scene really nicely, and I was immediately taken in. The biblical elements and the story about turning water into wine is something everyone is familiar with. But, you have provided all of us with an opportunity to read it, observe it and picture it from a different perspective. I really appreciate what you did here. I wonder how you will proceed with your story, which I hope you will. But, I have no doubts that it will be interesting. My only suggestion is to reread your story once more and check for typos and mistakes. For example, you have written “can not” everywhere, so you should change that into “cannot”. No other remarks from me, I believe in this story.

Perfect

A great idea combined with a great author makes for a perfect story. This is going to be one of those in my opinion. Your descriptions are very vivid; I can see and imagine every scene that you have written. Your story starts in an “amusing” way, but yet, the stories in the beginning are far from amusing and that beginning is everything, it is the reason for the rest of Jackson’s actions and a reason for this whole story. What Jackson has gone through in his early childhood, with all the deranged men his mother has had, with the mother herself and with the orphanage has made for a disturbed child and probably a disturbed adult. This story has a powerful message in it and its idea is very deep. I would love to read the rest when you write it. I have to point to one thing that you might have missed. You write in third person perspective, but there is one sentence in the “Present Day” Chapter that is written in first person. So, you might want to change that. However, even this mistake had me puzzled and got me thinking in certain directions.

Great material

Although I am not usually a fan of these kinds of stories, this one really grabbed my attention and kept me interested until the very ending. It is really dynamic from the beginning, it is futuristic and intense. I have really grown fond of Nodari in such a short time. This is due to your writing style. Your descriptions are vivid and you have a way of introducing your characters by letting them introduce themselves, which makes everything much more interesting. What I have read so far is thrilling and mysterious and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. I would be happy to read the rest of it soon.

Worth it

First of all, I would like to point to the fact that your chapters might have gotten a bit mixed up while you were uploading them, if I am not wrong. However, I think I have managed to connect the dots. Your story is definitely not easy to read, but it is definitely worth reading. It is a bit confusing and complex, but deep. In what I have read so far, I have come across both powerful narratives and powerful dialogues. You really show that you are serious about writing and that you do not only write in order to have something written. You take your time and do it as it should be done. I appreciate this and I must commend your writing style.

Love it so far

You have a great style of writing which made me eager for more as soon as I read the first line of the story. The story seems mysterious and scary. At first, I thought it hinted at possible madness of the man who built the wall. However, I changed my mind after you described what happened. Nevertheless, it remained intriguing, mysterious and intense. There is also this element of repetition, maybe useless repetition – building the wall every day, making it, in a way, your full time voluntary work. But, the wall serves its purpose. And this may be seen from a different light. The wall and its many roles. I have enjoyed what I’ve read so far and I hope to read more.

Great

This is a mysterious, dangerous story, full of strange events and emotions that overwhelm the reader. The moment Maya’s friends start disappearing, she starts fearing about who is going to be next. And I, as a reader, had that fear myself, together with worry for her. But it was different for me, as the reader, since, from the very beginning, I was able to read about and “see” the horrors that the girls who disappear were going through. That made the story all the more intense. I was terrified and relieved at the same time when Ramiel “saved” Maya. But he immediately crushed her hopes by saying it will not last long. And I was surprised that Aella turned out to be Ramiel’s sister. This story has great potential and I would love to read more. You have a great style of writing, which makes the whole story all the more enjoyable.

Nice idea

You have started with a lovely introduction to the characters. I have enjoyed this. The notion of staying young and watching the people you “grew up” with leave was kind of saddening and it made me develop some strange sympathy towards Peter from the start. The story is dynamic, you move fast. However, maybe you should dwell more on some events, rather than just announcing that they happened and skipping them. Such as the „they flew away“ part – it deserves a description of their flight at least and the feelings that overwhelmed them during the flight. Similarly, the island they spent a few months on - it is just mentioned in one sentence. Maybe you should think of expanding this, describing their life on the beach, their everyday activities and feelings. It is a huge difference from their foster home, so a comparison should be made. And the „saying goodbye to Wendy“ part as well. You need more narratives, more descriptions, not only „this and that happened“. On the other hand, I love how you ended your chapter. I am curious to learn what happens and whether growing up turns out to be a mistake from Peter's perspective. This is a deep question and you have done well by ending your chapter with it, since it takes the reader back to the real world and makes them wonder and ask themselves the same question you have posed. I love this. Finally, I would suggest some editing. There aren't any big mistakes, but rereading your story would probably make you check your sentence structure.