EmmelinePike

Hi! I’m Emma. I’m a very organized and punctual person, so you can expect a new chapter of my on-going stories every MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, and FRIDAY.

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Early Draft

First of all, the story is very interesting. The chapters are fast-paced and filled with action, which makes you forget about the time as you read. The humor of the main character, Jake, lightens the seriousness of the situation, which makes for a good break along the action.

As for the criticism… Some of the paragraphs are too long, which makes it almost daunting to read on. For instance, the entire chapter 2 consists of a single solid paragraph. I would suggest the author to break into a new paragraph every time a new character speaks and to separate the action itself into more paragraphs to make for a more pleasant reading experience.

There are also several grammatical mistakes, especially in the beginning chapters, which makes me assume that this is an early version of the draft. A thrall edit would definitely do the story good.

My suggestion to the author would also be to dial down on the exclamation points. Almost half of the dialogue ends with an exclamation point, which is very distracting for the reader. There are other ways to indicate that a character is shouting, like dialogue tags and action beats.

In conclusion, the story is definitely interesting, but it could use a good edit.

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Royally Yours

The descriptions in this story are incredibly detailed and poetic. The language is absolutely beautiful. I felt like I was transported right into the middle of the fantasy world.
Keeping the reveal that Will is the prince from Ella for so long is also a very good way to keep us the readers scrolling further and further down, wanting to know when she'll finally learn the truth.
My only complaint is that the beginning chapters are a little too slow. While it's important for us readers to know what everything and everyone looks like, it's also important for the plot to begin as soon as possible.
Otherwise, the story is truly amazing. I can't wait to read more of it :)

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First Time Horror

To be honest, this is my first time reading horror, and the only thought floating through my mind right now is, “What took me so long to give it a chance?” The story had me at the edge of my seat, first wondering if the Candyman is going to show up and then what he is going to do.

The author's writing style is incredible. I love how they vary the sentence length. It makes the story flow smoothly from one sentence to another. There are occasional grammar mistakes (missing commas, words the author probably forgot to delete, etc.), but that’s expected. After all, even published books contain a mistake here and there.

The descriptions are vivid and include all five senses, which is something I definitely have yet to learn. I’ll definitely use this story as a case to study effective and vivid descriptions.

My only two suggestions would be to maybe rethink the opening of the story. Beginning with the description of the main character is not a good hook to draw readers in. I suggest the author uses something more captivating that will make readers itch to know what is going on. My other suggestion is about the text included in the parentheses. It’s usual to use this tool very sparingly in fiction, as they’re interruptive to the eye. For me personally, the number of sentences included in parentheses in the two chapters seemed too distracting.

Other than that, the story is incredible. I really hope the author continues writing it, as I’m curious to know what happens next.

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