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Erica Noble
Australia
Hi there! I'm a thirty-something with Cerebral Palsy. I have a degree in novel writing and publishing and have been writing for most of my life. I hope you enjoy my books! :)
Has potential.
First, I'd like to thank you for reaching out to me and giving my own work your attention. I really appreciate it. I'd also like to state that this review is my opinion and is constructed to help you. :)
I think you should have used the prologue as your blurb, then used your second chapter as your first.
Your grammar also needs a lot of work. It was a little difficult to follow along at times. It helps to read aloud what you've written or have a TTS program do it for you if you don't want people hearing any potential saucy bits. ;) Editing is a huge component to a good piece of work. You should ALWAYS revise and do so many times over before publishing. Also, your layout could be spaced out a little better as well. That would also help your readers with following along.
The story itself is interesting, and I can see where you want it to go. Whether this is your intention or not, it almost gives me 50 Shades vibes. Guy in crisp, pressed suit walks up to girl and gives business card. (Potential Christian, lol? :P) Maybe it's the style of your writing. *shrug* But, overall, good start. Looking forward to seeing where you go with this. Keep working at it! :D
