Jay S.

Little Red Dot馃嚫馃嚞

Writing random short novels involving romance, drama & humour鉂 for fun! New updates every SaturYAYY!馃榿 PaNcaKESs are amazin! XDD 馃馃

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Melting Me Softly

Yozz Jenna, firstly wanna start off by saying a big thanks for making this novel!馃ぉ It鈥檚 another one of those sweet, feel-good kind of reads; like the perfect kind you can finish in one go while sipping on some coffee in the evening! Heheh The cover looked spectacular (I loved the colours themes) and the blurb clearly captured the main essence of the story and got me hooked into it. Things got even better when I read the opening line! Perhaps that鈥檚 the line which really got me interested actually馃槅 鈥 it鈥檚 different and quite ingenious honestly while subtly hinting at the MC鈥檚 personality/view about love straight away.

The introduction to Melissa on the first chapter was very hilarious and I admired her snarky monologues straightaway. I got to know about Melissa鈥檚 business, situation instantly (I admired you coming straight to the point). More so than the storyline, what really stood out for me was how beautifully you have crafted the personalities of both leads! They aren鈥檛 like the typical, ordinary one-dimensional people. It鈥檚 obvious you鈥檝e put great thought behind the character development and every chapter, something new/different aspect of Melissa鈥檚 unravels which was fascinating to read! Melissa鈥檚 character is indeed a complex one; one that requires great patience to understand. Having some hilarious self-monologues, she yearns to be told that she鈥檚 loved upfront. Even as Mason鈥檚 actions hurt her before, something magical/his allure still beguiles her into helping him 鈥 this concept/feeling in itself is one which requires great maturity to write and comprehend for the readers as well. (Some may think it鈥檚 impossible for her to help him out) But personally, I could relate to this 鈥榮park鈥 that Melissa still felt towards him despite after a 鈥榬ough鈥 past chapter. At first, I found it a bit extreme that Melissa still cried over the possibility that Mason only lusted after her body (Third chapter). (Like crying conveys a totally different feel, closer to extreme hurt and/or hatred). It got me wondering if she was that deeply hurt, would she still entertain Mason? If she was that deeply hurt, would that fuzzy feelings alone still instigate her to help Mason? Maybe, it鈥檚 the way you wrote about/portrayed Mason in that third chapter which exaggerated him like a v. evil person who made her cry. Or perhaps, Melissa is just an overly emotional person. Nevertheless, maybe a bit more elaboration in this gray area could have made it clearer. (These are just my personal opinions heheh and I might be wrong馃槄) I know its hard to express/explain that feeling but I really commend you for the effort in showcasing this. It added a touch of realism to the story, in my opinion. Mason鈥檚 character was equally developed with his occasional witty & charming words which seduced Melissa! I loved the way you induced tension through Melissa鈥檚 business falling apart before the duo working together to salvage the situation 鈥 while discovering deeply about each other in the process! The focus never shifted away from the main characters which kept me focused and invested in this tale. The pacing seemed perfect for a romance novella too, not too rushed and not too slow moving. I also admired how you touched briefly on the concept of love vs lust throughout the book 鈥 something I feel is brave and matured of you! And of course the message you brought across in the last chapter of action and words going hand in hand in love 鈥 that was truly heartwarming to read!馃槉

Now for the language which, like always, was spectacular heheh. The language was clear, easy to follow and concise. There wasn鈥檛 much beating around the bush and Melissa鈥檚 thoughts were succinct; straight to point. Another impressive feature was the beautifully crafted dialogues!馃榿 Gotta say, the dialogues really elevated this work and really aided in character development! They were witty and hilarious at times, making the work light-hearted. I couldn鈥檛 really spot much grammar/spelling mistakes so thats great too! For a novella, I guess descriptions of places and people were more than adequate! There was a smooth flow between the scenes and chapters which I admired too!馃槅

Overall, this was one lovely read which I thoroughly enjoyed reading!馃ぉ Certainly, has to be one of my fav in recent times mainly because of the complex and intriguing characters you鈥檝e come up with as well as the matured concepts embedded in the book! Your works have always been amazing and can鈥檛 wait to see what鈥檚 in store from you! Keep writing and keep shining!馃槅 Cheers!馃馃

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Wings & Paper

HeyO Onyx!馃槅

Firstly wanna say a big thanks for making this collection which is just so captivating! Usually, I don't read that much of poetry but gotta say, this collection is definitely one of my favourite reads thus far!馃槉 The cover and title is simplistic, yet catchy at the same time which draws you in!

What I admired most about the collection is the array of pertinent topics you touched on throughout your works! Most of the time, your poems are imbedded with deep, social messages which makes me ponder deeply over the subject. For example, 'This is Beauty' (my favourite thus far in this collection馃槅) very beautifully encapsulates how beauty is a mere facade while 'Carnivore' explores how toxicity in relationships can be harmful! Your choices of topics are also diverse and even wise since most of them have a strong emotional weight attached to them. This makes the work even more memorable to readers! ('Girl With No Hair' was on a whole new level of sadness馃槶) HAHAH Most of the topics you've chosen seem relatable and very current and this gives a personal connection with the readers! (E.g I could connect well with 'Hearts' poem) Poems like that made me reflect about myself, my own actions which was insightful! There's something magical about your writing in that you have a natural talent in writing heart-wrenching/dramatic stuff which I absolutely adored!馃き 'Cause at the end, we tend to remember the weighty stuff more clearly than the others! Most of your works had this indirect, dark connotation tied to them which, I guess is your writing style馃槅 and it seemed perfect for the strong/emotional message you want to bring across! Yet, maybe abit more of happy stuff can be better?馃ぃ (hehhe its jst my personal opinion馃き) But yea, I thoroughly am enjoying your poems which has something new to offer everytime.

The use of language was simplistic and succinct, capturing the main essence of the work clearly. Your writing style was varied between poems which didn't make the collection 'boring'! (The length of poem differed each time which was great!) There was a clear link/flow between the lines and it was smooth! I also loved how you tried out different stuff like the flash fiction馃槅 which shows how creative you can be! Overall, I enjoyed how clear-cut the works were and it was super reader-friendly without being too complex to understand!

Overall, it is such a pleasure reading this elegant collection of poems which shines on the emotional weight and the message it sheds light on!馃榿 Its a good thing poems can be interpreted in many different ways and it teaches everyone something new! You have a natural flair for writing and I can't wait to read the upcoming poems! Cheers!馃馃

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Finding You

YOO!馃槉 Thanks a lot for making this book which is truly a pleasant read! The flow of the story was engaging and it got me engaged from the start.

What I admired most about your book was the simplistic storyline, yet realistic at the same time. It's nice to see that even within the short story you have written, you have managed to juggle several sub-plots like the mom-Brandon relationship, Layla-Thomas relationship etc. I loved the way you started off painting an emotional picture with dad鈥檚 envelope! Plotwise, it was super natural and I could relate very well with the character鈥檚 feelings. I adored the way you introduced Marley鈥檚 character through the convo at the Cinema which was hilarious!馃槀 I also didn鈥檛 expect Brandon to be a policeman and that twist was just amazing! Though the only small part which I found a bit unrealistic was Thomas being part of a gang in Detroit. I was just wondering how he ended up going to the same school for days when he couldn鈥檛 stay at one place for too long. I also wondered how Layla and Thomas became bf gf - a part which can be faintly elaborated. Nevertheless, I would say the way Marley and Peyton met and got together was simply cute!

Now for language- I absolutely loved your writing style!馃槉 It鈥檚 simple, clear and free-flowing. That simplicity in writing made it so reader-friendly! I adored the mind voices which made me understand the character better! Dialogues seemed natural as well! It can be hard for such a short story but I feel descriptions of places could have been improved! There wasn鈥檛 much issue spelling and grammar wise but punctuation in dialogues seem to be an issue (adding a comma before the close inverted commas). Other than that, vocabulary can be slightly improved to make the work less mundane (e.g said was overused quite a lot which can be changed!) Other than that, great job!馃槉

All in all, I truly enjoyed reading this short, cute story! I loved how it wasn鈥檛 too fancy, just a natural, feel-good story which is just perfect for a quick read! It has great potential with some polishing and you have natural flair for writing so yea keep going!馃槅 I鈥檓 just a puny reader and these are just my personal opinions pls dun take it to heart HAHA Keep writing and keep shining! Cheers!馃槅馃馃

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Forever & Always

HII THERE!馃槅 Gosh wanted to write a review for a long time and I finally got the time to do so!馃ぃ First of all, thank you for producing such a great story!馃挌 The minute I started reading, I couldn鈥檛 put it down and I was hooked to the story completely!馃槅

You have a natural, informal introduction to the main character Bianca and the other characters and I loved it immediately. At first, I found Caleb鈥檚 antics and his habit of calling her 鈥榩rincess鈥 annoying but as the story slowly progressed, I actually found it funny!馃ぃ While I admired how the story progressed with Bianca and her relationship, I just felt that Caleb鈥檚 feelings for Bianca were abit too quick and abrupt. Initially, Caleb was this annoying dude but within one or two chapters, he was remorseful that he kissed Bianca which I felt was so drastic a change in his personality! Apart from that, I really enjoyed how Bianca鈥檚 friends and relatives were supportive of her and cared for her so much! I was also so annoyed with the mom extending her trip till I realised she had cheated at the last chapter which really caught me off guard so great job on keeping that suspense!馃憤 I also admired the way their love bloomed and how Caleb eventually became an understanding person and not only rush for sex like her previous boyfriend! Plot wise, it was engaging and addictive though I felt there were too many characters HAHAHA Personally, I feel focussing on a few characters and enhancing character development for them would have been better but either ways, its a great attempt!馃槅

Now for language, I admired the way you language in a simplistic manner with a natural flow. Your writing style is also hilarious at times especially when highlighting Bianca鈥檚 mind voice!馃ぃ There were only minor grammar, spelling, punctuation mistakes which can be brushed but generally, the flow of the writing was smooth. Dialogues are mostly relevant and helped me to understand the characters better! Perhaps, descriptions of places, thoughts and emotions can be enhanced together with the aid of vocabulary to make the piece better!馃憤 Looking as a whole, your writing style is simply captivating and it played a critical role in making this book a great read so yea great job!馃槅

Overall, I鈥檓 glad to have read this book and you鈥檙e definitely one talented writer who have a natural, warm tone in writing which I thoroughly enjoyed!馃槅 This book seriously deserves more recognition and I sincerely hope for success in your upcoming works!馃槅 I鈥檓 not a professional writer HEHEHE and these are just my personal opinions馃ぃ so pls dun take any of the remarks too personally HAHAHA You have great potential so keep writing and keep shining!馃槅 Cheers!馃挌馃馃

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The Blazing Heiress

Yozz!馃槅 Finally got the time to write a review for your book HAHAHA but anyways, first of all, just wanted to say that I鈥檓 happy to have found this book! Undoubtedly, its one of the most promising books I have read on this platform! Right from character development to the way you use language is incredible and really drives the book to great heights!

You have an interesting storyline and concept, capturing the life (and love) story of Avni and the challenges revolving around them. I was hooked right away from the start by the whole car crash scene which I found really hilarious. The story then kicked off well with you introducing the different characters and how Avni always teased Viransh. Honestly, I found their friendly banters cute and undoubtedly, they played a massive role in making this a great read! While I admired how the story progressed, I had to admit I was just a teeny bit overwhelmed with the numerous characters introduced HAHA. Chapter 9 was one such example of it where the overload of new characters made me uneasy馃槀 but thats okay cause I guess ultimately you know best on which characters are important to the story. Apart from that, storyline wise, I really found their intimate moments adorable and I enjoyed the flow of the story so great work!馃槉

Now for the language, the one aspect where you truly shine the brightest! My goodness, you have a natural flair for writing and your command of the english language is insanely good! The way you meticulously describe each expression, event or place, coupled with a range of vocabulary, is truly outstanding and it inspired me! I could almost imagine each scene in my mind like a movie! Apart from vocabulary, dialogues are another aspect you鈥檙e really talented at. Dialogues are truly underrated and you鈥檝e used them well to aid in story and character development (e.g the cheeky banters between Avni and Viransh). The dialogues generally seemed to flow smoothly and didn鈥檛 seem abrupt which was great. I really couldn鈥檛 find major grammatical or spelling mistakes which was another plus. Finally, I also admired the way you italicised diary entries and mind voices which widened my perspective about Avni!

You are a seriously talented writer and this book is a testament to it! This was easily one of my favourite books which suited my taste and undoubtedly, has great potential! Keep writing and keep shining!馃槅馃馃

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A Murder In the Woods

That was a very pleasant short story!馃槉 The flow of the chapter is very smooth and it felt as if I was watching a scene of a movie. Your writing style is great as well - especially the parts where you italicised! I wasn't quite expecting the cheating part so kudos for catching me off-guard!馃槅 I also admired the way you ended the whole story with a question - it showed how the main character felt a tinge guilty of her action and makes the readers wonder what she's gonna do next. Generally, the plot was concise, easy to understand and interesting to an extent. Language wise, I liked the simplicity in your writing without the use of bombastic words! Brushing up spelling (like you instead of u) would further polish your work!

Overall I felt it was a great short story!馃槅 Keep writing and Cheers! XD

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How To Inkitt

This gotta be one of the most useful reads on this platform! It鈥檚 very insightful, especially for new and rising writers on this platform to aid in their writing more easily. There are a wide range of topics covered from different aspects of writing to ways to navigate Inkitt! Each topic offers something new to take away and learn from! I also admired you providing your own inputs/experiences which added a personal touch and made it more relatable with the readers! It was also nice to gather different perspectives from the writer鈥檚 interview which broadened my thoughts too. Once again, thank you so much for coming up with a detailed 鈥榟andbook鈥 in a way!

I also admired your informal writing style throughout the book! It kinda breaks the fourth wall and makes us more included! It was easy-going and flowed from one point to another seamlessly, improving readability. Your occasional witty and humorous remarks also brightened the mood, making this read all the more enjoyable while we learn! Your inclusion of various examples to support your points strengthened credibility too.

Nothing much to comment on grammar and punctuation since that鈥檚 the least of the worries in this type of book hehe Honestly, there were little to no errors language-wise so that鈥檚 a plus.

Overall, this is definitely a must-read book which is worthwhile checking out due to the precious insights about writing! I had a whale of a time going through the different elements of writing and definitely learnt a lot! Truly grateful for your hard work in stringing this book together and I鈥檒l definitely recommend this to any new-comer! Thank you so much and keep shining! :))

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Nautilus: A Collection Of Poems

To start, the cover appears simplistic, attractive and not too over-the-top. This perfectly encapsulates how light-hearted the intentions of the collection are. I admired how philosophically themed most if not all of the works tend to be. There has been much emphasis on moral values, ethics and decision-making which makes the collection packed with strong messages and adds relevancy to the real-life world. All the thoughts and reasoning behind each work seem realistic and relatable at the same time. A significant number of poems (E.g Drowning & Full Circle) also reflect raw thoughts and frustrations in the first-person perspective, adding to the emotional weight of the book. I admired how the collection had several permutations of poems; each unique in its setting but eventually all branching out from the same overarching theme about this identity and elements about life in general. Another observation is that most of the poems tend to have a dark, pessimistic feel to them. To a certain extent, this paid off in making the poems touching but for some, it may create this sombre atmosphere. Perhaps including a greater proportion of poems stressing more lively, warmer aspects of life could have balanced this out. Apart from this minute detail, I thoroughly enjoyed how each poem added different dimensions to the work overall! :))

You have a clear, free-flowing style of writing which is truly mesmerising! Each poem seemed to have been meticulously planned concerning its length. On one hand, we have short but power-packed works like Mask and The Company of Solitude, making one reflect deeply on its intentions. On the other hand, we have supposed longer poems like Abstracted and Full Circle which rely on descriptive language to bring across their message. The sentence structures and the style of delivering the poems are consistently varied throughout the collection, making the work less monotonous to read. For example, I was pleased with the repetition of words in Drowning which really aided in emphasis. A large chunk of your works utilised metaphorical language to its full potential, supported by similes and occasional rhetorical questions (e.g The Quest) which beautified the work even more! It鈥檚 a testament to how skilful you are in the language command! Another intriguing element of your writing is the title of each chapter. Most of them are one-word titles often with catchy and unconventional words and this succinctness is precisely what piques the readers鈥 interest. Generally, most of the poems are elegant, and easy to understand while a few encapsulate deeper, abstract elements behind them. Though at the end of the day, poems can be interpreted in many different forms, according to the imagination of the reader and that's what makes this collection a meaningful one! Overall, a great display of your skilful writing style!

Technicality-wise, nothing much to comment on since this is a poem collection and conventional rules are bound to be broken! The work seems polished, free of any spelling errors. Punctuations (such as rhetorical questions) are mostly placed appropriately and there was little to no grammatical error as well! You don鈥檛 seem to have major issues in this aspect so great job! :D

All-in-all, it was a pleasant read, one that was insightful and personally made me reflect a lot about my life journey as well! Each work offered something new and refreshing with free-flowing creativity! The language used was truly mesmerising, carrying the book to greater heights! It鈥檚 no slouch content-wise as it鈥檚 an accurate, heart-warming depiction (to a great extent) of the small thoughts & feelings that goes on in our everyday life. It鈥檚 packed with numerous life lessons which undoubtedly are applicable to us. It鈥檚 obvious that you have a natural flair for writing so keep writing and keep shining! :D

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Handsome Man

This was one of the most discombobulated pieces of work I鈥檝e ever read. As a reader, I feel overwhelmed as I couldn鈥檛 really follow the sequence of events in this book. I felt there wasn鈥檛 a clear flow of the storyline and i became more and more confused as the story progressed. I get that you鈥檝e attempted to show the story in a complex manner but when it gets too abstract, it hinders readability. Perhaps, adopting a more simplistic writing style and just say things as it is without beating around the bush would make things a lot more clearer and easier for readers to understand. One silver lining from the work is probably the language. Mostly, it wasn鈥檛 too bad; still tolerable and can definitely be brushed up by editing! Overall, this work wasn鈥檛 the one for me and I just hope this can be a stepping stone for you to improve upon!

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The Bridesmaid鈥檚 Diary

Hii!馃槅 Firstly, just wanna say a job well done in producing a light-hearted short story which really got me hooked on the story!馃槅 I really admired the blurb of the story mainly because of its simplicity. The concept also feels fresh 鈥榗ause there aren鈥檛 many stories which focus on the perspective of a bridesmaid. Most of the time, the focus tends to be heavily on the bride/groom but to see the 鈥榖ehind-the-scenes鈥 of the wedding with a different dimension, it feels unique! Not to mention the aesthetic, not-too-fancy book cover which seems perfect for the lively tone of the short story you have written!

The introduction to the characters was so casual, warm-toned and nothing too grand which made me follow the story nicely. More so than the plot in itself, I was especially amazed by the characterisations. Each character seemed to have a personality of their own (e.g how Aunt Jenny likes to be overly particular and authoritative at times about how things should run). I love the main character鈥檚 development as well 鈥榗ause her thoughts and emotions seem completely natural and easy to understand. It鈥檚 nice to see such character development even within the short story you have written! The pacing of the story seems just nice and the events flow nicely into place. Towards the back end of the book (when the wedding neared), you created this sense of urgency and anticipation which was one of the highlights of the story! Many just look at the grandness of the wedding from the outside and comment on it but only with the perspective of the bridesmaid can we truly see how much planning, work and stress goes behind pulling off the event! I鈥檓 glad you were able to show this message through this story!馃槅 I also observed several mini-lessons peppered throughout the story (e.g learning to accept no as an answer with the encounter with Mike) and these little messages beautify the work even more! I especially enjoyed reading the whole wedding scene when they were making their vows and the reactions of the congregation. The atmosphere was truly exhilarating! Probably the one thing that I felt could be improved was the number of characters?馃ぃ (i think its just me hehhe) I felt like I was introduced to too many characters and at first it felt overwhelming 鈥榗ause I didn鈥檛 know who were the ones the story focuses more on!馃槄 HAHAH but I think that鈥檚 okay. Apart from it, I enjoyed the seamless movement of the scenes and the plot of the story!馃槅

Now for the use of language which was exceptional! Your writing style is very informal and very relatable! It was hilarious to read the monologues of the main character and it helped in showing her nature. This internal monologue also breaks the fourth wall, engaging the readers very well!馃榿 It makes you feel into the story. The dialogues mostly seem character-specific and didn鈥檛 seem choppy in most parts. I admired the simplicity of your writing; it was clear and easy to comprehend. This makes the work so much more reader-friendly. There weren鈥檛 much of grammar or spelling mistakes as far as I read. It鈥檚 obvious you know the rules of punctuating in between dialogues and sentences (commas and full stops at the end of dialogues) but in very few places, they were misplaced unknowingly; nothing major in general. With a bit of polishing, it can be corrected! I know it鈥檚 a short story, but I just feel descriptions of surrounding and characters' expressions can be elevated just a teeny bit more馃槄 That detailing will help readers imagine the scenes better in their head. Other than that, your writing is a testament to the fact that less is more after all!馃槅

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed journeying through the main character as she goes on managing the wedding! I loved how there wasn鈥檛 anything overly-dramatic or clich茅 in the story! It was just a nice contemporary novel which mirrored elements of the real world perfectly into the story!馃槅 With a bit of editing, this book is well onto greater heights. There is great potential in your writing (especially your writing style hehe) so yea keep writing and keep shining! Cheers!馃馃馃構

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The Life II: Of Living In Iceland

Hihi I guess time for another review?馃槅

Honestly, lemme start by saying that this book was DARK HAHAHA When I first learnt about the sequel to your first book, I was kinda expecting more of Fleming and his family entering the scene, trying their best to save Sapphire from the tyranny of her father which would form the crux of the tale. BUT things turned out to be in a totally different path, didn鈥檛 it?馃ぃ To be really honest, I was just a bit disappointed to learn that Fleming鈥檚 family wouldn鈥檛 be part of this work HAHA and I certainly didn鈥檛 expect it to be a full-on horror read, given that this was supposed to be sequel of a romance-drama themed book! Perhaps, this complete change in genre from the predecessor may seem abrupt for some (I felt it馃槄) cause it kinda disrupts the relevance and continuity between both books? But nevertheless, that didn鈥檛 stop me from diving into this book! 鈥楥ause after all, I was suuper curious about the life of Sapphire especially after you left me hanging at the end of book one!馃ぃ

First I鈥檒l start of with the language 鈥榗ause I got lesser things to say HAHAHA. Generally, there are hints of improvement as compared to before but the mistakes on dialogues can still be improved!馃槅 (referring to the previous review). As usual, I loved you using actual names of places, highlighting the level of detailing and thought that goes behind the scenes! Dialogues were mostly smooth and natural which was great! Perhaps, descriptions of places and people can be improved but overall, not too bad!馃憤

Now for the main chunk which is the content. The content of the book was really sinister, cold and nerve-wrecking at times, insinuating constant feelings of hurt throughout the whole book. The attempts at accentuating injustice was a constantly recurring theme and you were spot-on to not sway away from that central theme! All throughout the book, I can see conscientious effort being made to portray Mark as this ruthless monster who likes to torture her poor daughter. The characterisation of the antagonist was amazing, probably the biggest plus point of this story!馃榿 I really enjoyed the way Mark constantly invoked fear among the readers whether through his sharp words or his sinister actions! I also admired CJ and PJ who never hesitated to help Sapphire, providing glimmers of hope in a bleak environment!馃槅 (But sometimes I confused the names over HAHAH Perhaps they could have been more distinguished but anyways馃榿) But while you tried to make this story as terrifying as possible, I felt it was dragged (maybe its just me馃ぃ) I get that this work is supposed to make you feel bad for Sapphire and her plight but when I kept reading a string of chapters with Sapphire being bullied with Mark constantly getting away with everything, its really frustrating馃槅 It felt more like a one-way traffic with Mark always 鈥榳inning鈥 in this battle between Sapphire and him and the protagonist of the story is just too powerless, not being able to give him a run for his money or sort of. If this one-way victory had gone for fewer chapters, it wouldn鈥檛 be a big thing but when it spans over the majority of this book, it becomes quite noticeable and brings down the overall morale and feels of the book (like readers might be more inclined to giving up with the book halfway, knowing that the villain wins all the time hehe) It takes a heavy toll on the engagement of the story. Perhaps to counter this issue, there could be
- (i) Fewer chapters potraying Mark as invincible.
- (ii) (A more plausible option) Include a mix of incidents or scenes where Sapphire gets close to revealing about Mark to the rest. (Simialr to a see-saw battle between the duo) This would also possibly provide the hook for the readers as they would be more eager to know about who would eventually win.

Definitely, I can see hints of Sapphire standing up and having duels with Mark during the latter half and I felt that aspect could have been brought forward to the initial portion of the book. In this way, instead of seeing Mark totally abusing Sapphire all the way, it will be more interesting to view the constant see-saw battle between the both of them!馃榿 With that being said, I also admired the chapters at the back end which went racy as usual. The pacing of the book felt a bit slow at the first half HAHAHA? Normally, this pacing would be ideal if you鈥檙e writing a romance themed book like your previous venture but this being a horror book, pacing could have been quicker just to keep the adrenaline pumping!馃槅

Overall, yea I enjoyed how the journey of Sapphire unfolded from being trapped under Mark to being free finally!馃槅 Though I didn鈥檛 see a horror-themed story coming, I really liked the way you tried to induce fear to the readers! These are just my personal opinions so pls don鈥檛 take it too personally馃ぃ cause I鈥檓 pretty sure many others would have loved this book even though its not my cup of tea HAHAHA. BUT IM EXCITED FOR UR NEXT BOOK 馃ぃ Keep writing and keep shining! Cheers!馃槅

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HEYOZZ!馃槅 Firstly, massive kudos for coming up with such an intriguing piece of work, certainly exceeding expectations for a person who鈥檚 writing their first novel. I absolutely loved the concept of the story where you focussed on the misunderstanding between a couple when a third party enters in. I hadn鈥檛 read much books regarding this concept so yea it got me hooked.

Firstly, I really loved how natural and free-flowing the introduction to the story was which captivated me greatly!馃槅 The story started off well with the introduction of Arthur, his profession and the personality of his wife and the platform was strong for the rest of the storyline to be constructed on. The concept of Grace intruding in and Athea viewing it suspiciously was something I haven鈥檛 read before and the concept seemed fresh. I absolutely admired the way you described the personalities of the side characters e.g Kev, Mark.) You鈥檝e made Arthur an interesting character cause till now I cannot guess whether he actually loves Grace (their make-out season made me think so) or he sees her as just a friend and Athea was just exaggerating. So yeah, great job for keeping the readers guessing about hi personality!馃榿 I couldn鈥檛 really spot that much of irregularities plotwise - the flow of each event seemed realistic to me and I could understand clearly the frustrations of both Arthur and Athea. At first, I found Arthur鈥檚 make out session with Grace a bit unrealistic but after thinking about it, it kinda made sense given how lust is such a strong, instant desire and Arthur had the urge to give in, not thinking about his wife. I also enjoyed how you developed several other subplots apart from the Arthur-Athea conflict (e.g the problems between Grace and Rico). Perhaps I just felt that Arthur鈥檚 and Athea鈥檚 relatives/friends are perhaps not doing much to try and ease tensions between the both of them HAHAHA idk maybe I shouldn鈥檛 be saying this cause the book isn't complete yet so yea馃槀 Also, I felt that the pacing of the book is just a teeny bit slow?馃槅 Like I know the scenes thus far seem natural but I was expecting like a major incident which changes the course of book, a turning point in a way HAHAH maybe I guess I'm just impatient after reading twenty-odd chapters!馃槀 But at the end of the day, you know best on how to drive the direction of the book so yea looking forward to how the story progresses from here.馃槅

Now moving on to the use of language which was actually the bigger reason why I loved your book!馃槅 let me start by saying your writing style is excellent, not even kidding. You have a natural talent of writing in a humorous manner while being amorous here and there and that combo felt perfect for me (the perfect type I like to use as well馃槀 hi-five!) You don鈥檛 hesitate to use sexually explicit words HAHAH which I didn鈥檛 mind at all since it kinda made the work more hilarious!馃槅 I was a big fan of those monologue in italics (it's something I love to do as well馃槀) as they aided in character development greatly! It enabled me to understand the mindset and thought process of the characters very well. I also admired how you constantly switched POV between characters (something I still can't do well馃槀) which prevented the work from being one-dimensional. I just feel descriptions of places, people and emotions could have been further elaborated so that I can visualise them better in my mind. Using more vocabulary terms can aid you in this. There were also several punctuation (e.g missing full stops), spelling and grammatical mistakes which can definitely be refined!馃槉 I also wanted to touch on some technical stuff for dialogues cause I felt it is the biggest aspect which can be improved upon:

1. When someone is saying something, there should be a comma just before the closinf inverted comma. Here鈥檚 an example from Chapter 20:

鈥淭hat must be relieving.鈥 Grace said. 鉂
鈥淭hat must be relieving,鈥 Grace said. 鉁

2. When someone is saying something followed by an action, there should be a full-stop before the closing inverted comma and the first letter of the next word should be capitalised. You got this part right at some parts actl馃槅 but just in case, here's an example from Chapter 12:

鈥淕race James I鈥檓 a plus one of Mr Mane and his wife鈥 she kept paging through her list...鉂
鈥淕race James. I鈥檓 a plus one of Mr Mane and his wife.鈥 She kept paging through her list...鉁

3. When a dialogue is followed by a pronoun, it need not be capitalised. There were abit of this mistake as well. Here is an example from Chapter 25:

鈥淗e?鈥 She asked.鉂
鈥淗e?鈥 she asked.鉁

So yeah these were the major mistakes I spotted from dialogues and there were some others with missing punctuation. But yeah, apart from these language mistakes, your writing style is nice!馃榿

Overall, apart from the language mistakes and very minor potholes in content, this is actually a captivating piece of work which has great potential! The storyline seems promising and with some refinements in language, it's on it's way to greater heights. Can鈥檛 wait to read further and lemme tell you, this effort is commendable from someone writing their first story!馃槉 (, my first book is not even 10% as good as this HAHAHA). So yeah, be proud of this work and keep improving!馃榿 I鈥檓 just a puny reader and these are just my personal opinions so please don't take anything too personally HAHAH Keep writing and keep shining!馃槉 Cheers from Pancake Duude!馃槅馃馃

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The Life: Of Falling In Love In New Zealand

HII!馃槅 Firstly, wanna say massive THANKS for making this book! As an avid reader of your works, I gotta say this has to be the best effort so far from you heheh I really admired the concept of the story and the storyline was really great!

I liked how natural the introduction was to the characters and I was already in love with the idea of the relationship blooming between two youngsters - my fav genre馃槅 Its clearly evident that you have put thought into each scene, meticulously planning the environment and actions and for most part of the book, I can imagine those scenes in my head!馃槅 I thoroughly enjoyed how love bloomed between the main characters bit by bit throughout their many episodes of hanging out together! The pacing of the story was slow at first which is understandable and actually perfect for these type of romance books but it did went racy towards the end with all the drama unfolding and I was absolutely thrilled. While I enjoyed their episodes together, I gotta say, the part on Mark finding about their relationship felt just a bit dragged and could have been revealed earlier? HAHAHA I think it's just me but yeah馃槀 And while the limelight was on the main characters for most part of the story, I would have loved to see more character development of the side characters (E.g the personalities, hobbies, likes/dislikes about Evelyn, Finn etc.) cause now, I can't see the uniqueness in them. Also, I felt the ending was just a teeny-bit abrupt?馃槀 Like I thought Sapphire parting ways was the climax of the story and the great of the story would revolve around Fleming finding her but never did I think that would be the ending HAHAHA I was honestly surprised about the ending at first and if not for the announcement on the sequel, I would have definitely gotten into depression!馃槅 Such a massive relief knowing that there is a sequel and can鈥檛 wait to read it!馃槅 But yeah, I gotta say, I was a massive fan of the thrilling drama towards the back end and I also admired how Fleming went to all those places again, reliving those memories which really ached my heart! I liked that connection and parallel you made between how happy their outings were before and how there was only sadness as Fleming revisited those places once again. And obviously, in typical fashion, you had mentioned real places of NZ which is highly commendable - it shows the level of detailing that goes behind the scenes. Yeah that鈥檚 all as far as storyline is concerned and for most parts, it was such a sweet tale.

Now for the language aspect. Yes, I can definitely see hints of improvement as compared to your previous works but I feel sentence structures can be varid once again cause it does get monotonous at times hehe. I feel dialogues were lacking a teeeeeeny bit which could have aided in characterisation. A bit of grammatical and punctuation errors here and there which can definitely be brushed up as well.. Another point is staying consistent with your tenses cause I did notice the switching between past and present tenses at some places馃槅 There were also some attempts at describing places though they could have been further elaborated. Just wanted to also share about some techniques when writing dialogues cause perhaps that鈥檚 where a big chunk of mistakes are made馃槀

1. When someone is saying something without an action, it鈥檒l usually be in quotation marks followed by a comma in the end (not a full-stop). Here鈥檚 an example from Rainbow鈥檚 End chapter:

鈥淵ou鈥檙e here with me.鈥 Said Sapphire. 鉂
鈥淵ou鈥檙e here with me,鈥 Sapphire said.鉁

(Another thing HAHAH instead of saying the verb followed by the name, you can switch them around - Sapphire said instead of Said Sapphire)

2. When someone is saying something which is accompanied by an action, it鈥檒l usually be in quotation marks followed by a full stop. For example (nt frm your book馃ぃ):

鈥淚 love you,鈥 He kissed her. 鉂
鈥淚 love you.鈥 He kissed her. 鉁

3. When there is a dialogue, there is no need to capitalise the word immediately after it. Here鈥檚 an example from No More Lies Chapter:

鈥淲hat about you?!鈥 Asked Sapphire. 鉂
鈥淲hat about you?!鈥 asked Sapphire. 鉁

So yea, thats some of the things for dialogues HAHAH. Apart from that, the language was easy to read and understand and I loved the simplicity.

Overall, apart from the sudden ending and the language mistakes, this was actually a pleasant read and it got me hooked in a big way!馃槅 Can鈥檛 wait to read the sequel and see how it all turns our for Fleming! Your writing has great potential so yea keep on going!馃槅 I鈥檓 just a puny reader and these are just my personal opinions so please don鈥檛 take anything personally!馃ぃ Keep writing and keep shining! Cheers!馃槅馃馃

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Those moments.


Yoozz!馃槅 I guess I鈥檒l just review based on the two chapters you have written. First impressions were that I really liked the title 鈥楾hose moments.鈥 Its simple and nothing too bombastic which I really admired. It kinda made me wonder what the book is going to be about. And the blurb you have written further elevated my curiosity cause I was wondering what was so bad that happened to the main character鈥檚 life.

Your intro to the story was intense, describing about the troubles and relationship issues between abusive parents and children. Writing books relating to the concept of abuse is somewhat unique and I admire you embarking on that concept! Thus far, the flow of the story is generally smooth and easy to understand which is great. I also enjoyed how you made a parallel on the abusive behaviour between the brother鈥檚 mom and Clive鈥檚 own mom. It was definitely a great technique which I admired. There were also hints of character development (e.g when the brothers revealed their mom left them in the woods or lock them up). While the story was going on well, I was confused whether Clive was a surgeon or a sergeant HAHAHA With the way you interchange those terms, I couldn鈥檛 make out his actual role lolzz but yea so far, storyline isn鈥檛 too bad and I鈥檓 guessing it鈥檒l only get better with more chapters.

Now for the use of language and well, two chapters were more than enough to say that definitely language can be improved. Firstly, there are quite a number of spelling mistakes (such as quite instead of quiet) and punctuation mistakes. You can use the following when writing dialogues:

- When a person is saying something, add a comma to the end of the dialogue. (E.g. 鈥淓at some bread,鈥 John said.)

- When an action is followed by a dialogue, add a full stop to the end of the dialogue. (E.g 鈥淓at some bread.鈥 John handed him a bread.)

I felt some of the word choices weren鈥檛 perfect. For example, in the second chapter, you wrote 鈥淏ut why?鈥 Jake replied. Here, asked could have been a better word than replied. Use of vocabulary can be further used to further enhance you鈥檙e writing, (E.g uttered instead of said.) Vocab words would definitely make your work less mundane. Perhaps you wanna describe more about the places, emotions to further add depth to your writing. Switching between POVs of different characters can also help the readers to understand the feelings of the characters better! Sentence structures can also be varied so that the work isn鈥檛 one dimensional. Also, you can consider breaking up the paragraphs into smaller chunks cause I feel they are indeed overly long.

I guess its too early to review this book with only two chapters but you鈥檒l only get better in your writing! You have a great storyline which has potential so just trust in your writing style and brush up on your technical aspects! I鈥檓 not a professional HAHA and these are just my personal opinions. Sorry if I sound rude?馃槀 but yea keep writing and keep shining! Cheers!馃馃

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Till Autumn

HEYO!馃槅 First of all, I just wanted to say I'm extremely happy to have found this book! Your book is seriously underrated and no doubt deserves more likes and reviews! Your storyline and concept is incredible and the way you develop each chapter makes me crave for more!

Your introduction was hilariously good (especially the hiccups), setting up nicely for Miles and Cherry to meet. You conveyed Miles' awkward and shy nature very well and I was already hooked to your story. The story then kicked off nicely with you elaborating very well on Miles situation, struggles and fears! While you painted Mile's father as a controlling parent, I would have loved a better elaboration of the personality of his mother which I felt was lacked just a teeny bit hehe. Anyways, I admired the way the friendship between Miles and Cherry grew (it didn't feel rushed and it was good you took it slow to develop their relationship). The pacing I felt was perfect :). I also enjoyed Zachery's character and hoped to see him more too hehe. The way you organised the events was smooth and makes the story flow well. There wasnt much (or any) illogical scenes as far as I read so great job. Anyways, thats all for story wise and so far its great going!

I guess the writing style and your use of language is what makes this piece of work truly stand out! You are naturally gifted in using words in a witty and hilarious manner. Firstly, I really admired how well your descriptions of places and facial expressions are! Your attention to small details is extraordinary (like the little things Miles admired about Cherry and the description of the rain scene is amazing). These meticulous details help me visualise the scene better and it almost felt like I was watching a movie! Not to mention, your inclusion of Miles mind voice in italics - I found them hilarious and really helps out in character development! Your sentence structure is varied and I liked how you didnt overly use bombastic words or phrases! Dialogues were generally smooth and I guess they played a major role in developing the story! I couldn't really spot much spelling or grammatical errors which is a major plus point. You kept your writing simple which made it really reader-friendly so kudos!馃槉

Overall, I felt it is a true piece of art, certainly the perfect type of book I would love to read (and write as well HAHA)! Reading your book surely brightened my mood hehe Really interested to find out how it all works out in the end for Miles! You have a natural flair for writing so keep igniting the passion for writing so that many more can take notice of this amazing work! This book has great potential and you truly deserve success!馃槉 Cheers from 馃馃馃 XDD

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True Colours

HeyOOzz!馃槅 (finally got the time to write the review Hahaha) Firstly, wanted to say a massive thanks for writing this book which is truly exhilarating! Surely one of the most elegant and polished pieces of work I have ever seen in a long time! Couple that with an intriguing storyline and I see all the elements perfectly laid out for a great read! You鈥檙e indeed a talented writer and this book is a testament to it!馃槉

You started off with a hooking introduction, describing the miserable state of Raven with her brother in a terrible condition and honestly, it touched right my heartstrings straight away! Though I found using the perspective of a cat to set the opening scene quite unique which not many would have thought of, I felt it was just a tad unrealistic that the cat had an exceptional level of maturity in thinking (I guess it鈥檚 just me but anyways HAHA)! Anyways apart from that, the story did kick off well afterwards with the introduction of the other characters and their circumstances. Perhaps the biggest thing which made me captivated was how well you gelled artistic elements and cats very well into the plot itself. It seemed that you鈥檝e placed equal emphasis on the personalities of cat just as much as the other characters. This explicitly shows how important they are to the story as well! Personally, I felt their presence heartwarming as they added the extra element of liveliness in each chapter. Not to mention the way you used colours to convey different tones, emotions and thoughts truly made the story mode vibrant and added depth to your story development as well. I particularly enjoyed the romantic scenes (cause I love romance HAHA). Another great point was how you took your time to slowly build up on the scenes rather than hastily move on which I felt was very realistic!

Where you shine the brightest is through your language! I guess you have a natural flair for writing and that鈥檚 your biggest strength. The writing style you possess is truly sophisticated. Your descriptions are very vivid and elegant, written in a manner which flows well! Your choice of words were apt mostly and I liked how you didn鈥檛 use overly bombastic words in your work! Just plain simple English words but the exceptional writing style did the job by beautifying the work! There was a clear attempt at diversifying sentence structures which prevented the work from being monotonous! Dialogues were mostly smooth and were critical in character development as well. While I admired the use of the Japanese, Italian and Spanish words which pretty much elevated the authenticity, I just felt it was overused by including it almost all chapters! (Also after a while, it gets tiring to keep on flipping up and down between the definition and the chapter HAHA) Personally, I feel less is more hehe! I found your quotes at the beginning of each chapter intriguing but I wasn鈥檛 sure whether they were put to make the work more aesthetic or they somehow had a link to the chapter! (I guess I鈥檓 just dumb HAHAH) but it did capture my attention! As far as I read, there weren鈥檛 major spelling or grammatical mistakes so kudos on that!

Overall, I felt it was an incredible work, a nearly flawless piece of writing!馃槅 Your writing skills are well above expectations and it is a really good sign of a great writer in the making! On a personal note, I just wanted to say a big thanks cause you were one of the writers whom I was inspired from to continue writing stories and I will be always grateful for your in-depth review of my book (Closely Distant)! Keep igniting the passion of writing and inspiring many more! Cheers from the pancake boy! XDD 馃馃馃

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The Quest To South Africa

Hello again! XDD Just wanted to start off by saying good job on an even better effort as compared to your other book 'Oceans & Seas'!馃槉

Each writer has their own unique style and theme of their stories and honestly, I am wondering stories about journeys are your thing, your biggest plus point! You're definitely talented in that concept which in itself is creative! For all those who say writing a story about a long car trip is boring, you're work is a clear testament of how life can be injected into this mundane topic by adding numerous interesting elements!

In your typical fashion, you started of with a main character going on a trip with other fellow people and as compared to 'Oceans & Seas', I was more convinced of their choice to take the van as compared to the other forms of transportation. Character development was once again meeting expectations - especially highlighting the obnoxious nature of Gibson which really made my blood boil! Haha When you're readers are able to experience that type of emotions, it really shows you've done a great job! More so than Nova, Charles and Gibson, I really liked Isaac's personality - a very cheerful and amiable guy (really liked the part where he played the bull game) XDD I also found Nova's crush for Charles rather cute! And by the way did you use names of actual places? Because I indeed searched them up and they were REAL! I found it amazing that you used the real name from parks to the smallest shop as it enabled me to visualise the place better. Some of those places were truly breath-taking and it seemed as if I was traveling live while reading your book so thanks for giving that African experience! HAHA

Now of course one area for improvement would be language. The writing style was similar to 'Oceans & Seas' though much more refined with fewer spelling or grammatical mistakes so thats an improvent! Perhaps you could just use quotation marks and add dialogues instead of saying 'person A asks person B if ____. Person B says that _____. Paragraphs could have also been much more organised instead of leaving spaces too frequently! Descriptions of feelings were much more evident in this book though there are room for improvent!

Overall, it was a great, innovative piece of work which got me captivated into this type of genre (travels). I feel a personal connection as well cause my very first book was about a flight travel but it was about hijacking馃ぃ Cheers once again and please continue writing!馃榿

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Oceans & Seas

HeyOoO! HAHAHA firstly great job on embarking on a concept that is truly creative! I guess the storyline is perhaps your biggest strength and so first I'll comment about it! :D

Honestly, I haven't seen much people who write about journeys, road trips etc, and let alone events aboard a cruise! So writing about one in itself is a commendable effort!馃榿 I really admired the way you also used dates as the titles for the chapters which really elevated the authenticity of the events. You've gotten an interesting intro to your story, showcasing the very playful nature of Julian through his pranks. I also understood his feeling of loneliness which indeed touched my heart! Though it might be sweet and caring of the family members to think of ways to help Julian make friends, I found it just a bit unrealistic that they eventually agreed on the cruise idea without further exploring other ideas (apart from the ones suggested by the other family members) hahah but thats okayy:)) I could very much feel the liveliness aboard the ship with the introduction of the many new characters. At first, I felt overwhelmed with the new characters but as the story progressed, the focus shifted to one clique of people which made it easier to follow the story! There are definitely attempts at character development - especially showing how annoying Victor can be through his behaviour and dialogues towards Julian and Julian's caring and playful nature through his treatment of Skylar and his naughty pranks on Victor respectively. I get the main focus tends to be mostly on the trio of Victor, Skylar and Julian but I would love to see more of the members (like what do they like to do, hobbies, How are their personalities, etc.) I could see maturity in your writing as the story progressed (like dealing with issues on sex)! So far, the storyline is not only easy to follow but logical as well! :)) Just the other thing I found it astonishing was how the ship almost had EVERYTHING HAHAHA ranging from a myriad of fast-food outlets to a cinema! Of course the ship is humongous but I just couldn't imagine ALL in one place! hehe

One aspect you can improve on is your style of writing. Sometimes, just the repetition of 'he/she says' can be quite mundane! You can perhaps vary your sentence structure so that its not one dimensional. The use of vocabulary can be further used to replace overused and boring words (e.g chirped, tweeted, uttered instead of said). There could be greater elaboration on the character's emotions and descriptions of objects to further strengthen your writing. Minor punctuation mistakes could be amended to polish your work further! :))

Your story has great potential馃槉 so keep writing! Cheers! XDD

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Amazing Story!

I really like the way each characters and the events were described in the story. I really admired how the main character's feelings and thoughts were well elaborated. The storyline was interesting and it really felt as if I was watching a movie. I just felt that the ending was abit rushed but thats okay. Overall, it was a nice read. Great job! :))

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Wolf under an oak tree

Personally, I feel the story is interesting and captures the attention of the readers. I especially like the conversations between the characters which makes the setting more realistic and casual in nature. I also like how you include the thoughts of the author here and there. Perhaps one area of improvement is to use the five senses technique to further add depth to your description. Cheers! :))

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